Love Hurts if it's Real
by Aia Dragfilia
Summary: A story of business marriage turned real, suffered hardships to gain a lasting relationship. Implies confusion, idiocy, martyrdom, sexual content, and many others that can be explained psychologically. Enjoy! NALU! Reuploaded.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

 _ **She loves him.**_ _**They got married.**_ _**But Natsu doesn't love her back.**_ _**Some marriages are not just meant to work out – at the beginning at least.**_

 _ **But to work out, what are the consequences? Follow Lucy and her martyrdom.**_

 _ **Because not all women will easily fall in and out of love.**_ __

"Yes, Mom said we should – "She was rudely cut off when the person from the other line dropped the call off. She tried to contact him again but his phone was already turned off.

"Macao, do you know where Natsu is?" She asked him, their driver and the latter nodded.

"Kindly take me there."

"Honey, come here. The water is so nice!" His _friend_ offered.

"No, thanks." He was in the poolside.

His wife just called him awhile ago and knowing her, she'll arrive there to where he is in no time. He took off his shirt, time to start the show. He was whistling a tune, later changed by an evil smirk.

He's totally right. Lucy arrived in less than seconds, dressed well for some fucking occasion. His friend went beside him, hugging him and he draped an arm over her shoulder in return.

"Honey, who is she?" His friend asked but he didn't care to answer. Instead, he locked gazes with Lucy, dying to see her pathetic reaction. But there was none, not even a blink. He can't read nor see any emotions in her face.

"Get dressed. We're going to be late." Lucy stated.

"I'll wait inside the car." And she left. The resort he was in went back to normal again after that scene.

"Who on Earth is she?" The girl who was still clinging to him asked, annoyed by the fact that she was being ignored.

"My wife."

He stated in a matter of fact tone, making the girl gasp.

"I'm going first. If you want to stay for free, just put all the expenses under my name." He left and went to his cottage to get himself dressed.

Lucy felt numb. As much as she wants to feel something, her heart refused to beat. It was not the first time Natsu did that. It seems like her tears dried up. She wants to cry but there is no single tear that would spring from her eyes. But somehow, it's better that way. She would not look pathetic in front of him, in front of everyone.

It has been two years since they got married for the sake of their company. Because she harbors feelings, stupid but deep feelings for him, she didn't object; she didn't utter a single word of disapproval thus resulting to Natsu hating her. She knows he will never feel the same way. Natsu rebelled at first but her father put Strauss life into a state of crisis, making their marriage possible – well. That's what she believes.

Lucy snapped out of her trance when Natsu came, so gorgeous and handsome on his suit. In the end, after her tears dried up, she still can't help herself not to admire his physical looks. He sat on the passenger seat while she sat on the back. Yes, they are not your normal couple. And maybe, they will never be.

They were in the middle of the ride when Natsu broke the ice.

"You know what Lucy, when I look at you, I don't feel anything. Why not annul our wedding? Since I can't also fulfill my obligations as a husband to you, don't you think it would be much easier for the both of us?"

She didn't react, but she answered him in a dull tone.

"You still act like a kid." She calmed herself.

"Are you still mad because of what had happened? Because you were not able to marry the girl you like?"

He didn't answer but she can see it in his eyes that she just successfully lit the fuse on his tampon. From then on, the whole ride became quiet until they reached the venue. He got out first but stopped when he reached the entrance to wait for her.

Time to get the cameras rolling, time to play their roles.

They were pretending to be a happy couple to set an example to everyone in the company. She is Lucy Heartfilia – Dragneel, daughter of Jude, a well- known businessman and heiress of the Heartfilia Railways. And beside her is Natsu Dragneel, son of the business tycoon, Igneel, and inheritor of all the businesses they had under their name.

Because of the name, the crown they bear, all kind of respect were given to them. As they enter the hall, they were greeted by the employees of both companies. Their families decided to merge to expand their properties and businesses. And that is what the whole celebration was for. The wedding was just a bonus on their families' selfish plans.

Even so, no matter how many times Natsu tear and break her heart, she can't let him go. Not just because of the fact that she holds feelings for him but because she is scared of being alone. It's her weakness and she'd rather die than showing this weakness of hers. To be left alone, like when she was growing up, when no one supported her while she keeps on growing, she has to be strong. So no matter how difficult the relationship she was in, she will always keep on holding on.

They were riding the elevator; just the two of them and the silence is suffocating. She knows about Natsu's motion sickness but he took therapies and managed to suppress his sickness.

"You know…" She started.

"I had an affair with one of those men who greeted us." He gave her a playful smirk, a smirk that tells her he is not buying her joke. She was about to say something when the elevator opened up, they arrived at the main venue.

They switched to their characters again and started acting. She wore her perfect smile, though deep inside, her heart feels like it's being shattered to million, tiny pieces. She lied. She didn't have an affair. He is the only man she ever loved and it hurts that even though what kind of lie she says, the truth still slaps her hard.

Her father did everything to make their wedding successful; he even resorted to evil plans of making the Strauss family poor. But unknown to them, she is helping and giving them sustenance in secret. No one knows about it, not even Natsu and even if he knows, she doubts if it will make him become soft to her.

But it surprised her when she learned that they migrated to another place, Lisanna with them of course. Natsu was beyond mad but despite of his negative feelings that reached the extremity of a hundred percent, they still got married. But that was that. Nothing happened after that. He never slept with her and he hurt her with his affairs.

"You're not desirable for me." She still can remember those harsh words that he said, bringing tears on her eyes.

"Excuse me, I'll go to the powder room." Then she ran to the comfort room to cry, to somehow ease what she keeps inside. She cried hard while she tries to forget and let go all those undesirable memories that kept flooding her mind. She thought she was already numb, but it looks like it was all just 'assumptions.' No matter how many drums of tears she cries, she will just continue to feel and cope with the pain.

" _You're not desirable for me."_

She cried even more. Remembering that she's still on an important event, she started to calm herself. Then she fixed herself and went out, acting like nothing has happened.

"Lucy? Lucy Heartfilia?" Somebody called her on her maiden name.

She turned to find the owner of the voice and saw Loke, Loke Celestial; her senior when she was in college.

"Senior Loke!"

"How are you? You've became even more beautiful." He is naturally sweet and charming to every girl.

"Thanks. I'm doing well. What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I submitted my resume here but I didn't know there was an occasion. How about you? What are you doing here?" She couldn't contain her smile, wondering where cave he came from for not knowing who she is on that company. Somehow, it feels refreshing to know that there is someone who doesn't know her miserable life.

"I'm sorry Senior Loke. I'm in a hurry but I'll help you get in the company. You got my word."

"Is that so… Thanks though it is a bit embarrassing." Loke said.

"It's alright. So, gotta go. See you."

"Okay, thanks again."

"Where's your wife?" Porlyusica scowled. She is the twin sister of Grandeeney, his mother who died with Igneel, his father, when he was still young.

"Probably redoing her make-up." Natsu said, not being interested by her step-mom's tantrums.

"It's been a while!"

"Maybe she called someone or Papa Jude, maybe…"

Then Lucy arrived. Natsu noticed Lucy's reddening nose and puffy eyes and all in a sudden, he felt guilt surged him. The girl form before was nothing. He has no affairs. He just pulled that act to make Lucy file an annulment. But she didn't and it's making him frustrated.

"Didn't I tell you to stay in one place?" Porlyusica scolded her.

"I'm sorry."

"Even your father seems like slacking off most of the time! Does he even care for this company?" She did an outcry of disappointment and irritation.

Lucy just remained silent, her head down. A part of him wants to defend Lucy but he chose not to, because a huge part of him is enjoying seeing Lucy got scolded by her step-mom.

For him, Lucy is stiff. Every move, every breath, every steps, everything about her is dictated. She is no different from a puppet.

After the celebration, Lucy talked to him.

"I'll recommend someone. Is that alright?"

"Why not? Half of the company is yours." He answered, lacking expression.

Then Lucy went to the HR office.

"Who the heck will she recommend?! He asked himself.

"Ya, ya.. Like I care!" He told Macao to go home and he used the car to start a celebration of his own.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

Lucy went out of the HR office. She really wants to help her Senior Loke. The guy has been a great help to her when she was still studying and helping him get a work to their company is nothing compared to what he did ages ago. Her life is tough and Loke was always there to support and help her in every way he can.

Natsu's already out of sight, leaving her to deal with all those guests. After the celebration, she decided to go home, but there were no more cars in the parking area. If only her car is not broken, going home at that hour wouldn't be hard and there's no guessing it that Natsu took the car that brought them to the place.

She called Natsu's phone, but all she heard was a loud and deafening music.

"Hello?" No one answered. She ended the call and thought of a place to stay.

'In the penthouse?' She thought. Upon remembering that it has a password that she didn't know, she dismissed the idea. Her current situation left her no choice but to commute.

She had made it home past ten already and just like the usual, Natsu's still not home; only Virgo and Lyra, their housemaid, were there. Natsu, coming home late is not a thing that can be considered 'once in a blue moon' occurrence. He always comes home late and sometimes, he would wait for dawn to come before deciding to go home.

She went inside her room; they sleep in different rooms. They never consummate their marriage. It's a very huge and painful slap for her. Before, she would ask herself if she's worth the pain he's causing her. But she didn't want to feel alone. It's because Natsu's the one who taught her how to move on and cope when she lost her mother.

She washed herself and went to bed.

Natsu arrived at their house at two in the morning. Jellal, Erza's husband, gave him a ride. He drunk up all night on their bar. Looking at the entire place, he saw no signs of Lucy, then he thought maybe she's already asleep. His wife doesn't stay up all night unless there are works to do. Their housemaids that are very, very loyal to Lucy were also fast asleep.

He went further inside their house at an unsteady pace. He can feel himself falling when someone caught him and supported him.

"Lushy? Why h-are you shtill h-awake?"

"I woke up when I heard you came." She said.

"Aaaaw. –hic – Shoo kind my _wiiife_ –hic – Aassh if it'shh _reeeaal_ !" Lucy supported Natsu until they made it to the sofa. He lay down, pulling her with him, on top of him.

"Natsu!" She gasped. She was about to stand when he rolled and switched places, making Lucy lay under him. Then he nibbled at her ear. He can feel Lucy pushing him away; this just caused Natsu to get pissed. He got a hold of her hands and pinned them on her side. He continued nibbling again, his hands not leaving her wrists.

His lips went down her neck, showering feather-like kisses. She tried to stop him, but she was the one stopped. Natsu opened her legs and settled himself in between. That action caused Lucy's robe to slide, exposing her creamy, white legs. Lucy has the smoothest and most beautiful pair of legs, yet he won't admit it to her. Not in normal state. He let her robe slide even more until it exposed her pink underwear.

 _No!_ Lucy kept on reminding herself that that was wrong. He's drunk and probably doesn't know what he's doing. But she's going to admit it, a part of her likes what he is doing. She tried pushing him away, kicking him off, but she never tried enough. Natsu slides her robe till it exposed her underwear. He kissed her on her neck, her cheeks, but when she tried capturing his lips, he stopped.

"Nice try, wife." He got off then left.

Rejection. For the umpteenth time, she felt rejected. She ran to her room and cried again.

– P –

Lucy woke up early. It's better to say that she didn't fell asleep at all. Fixing herself, she went straight to work.

"Lucy!"

"Senior Loke!" She jumped on to him to give him a friendly hug.

"Thank you Lucy! You're an angel. . . Sent by the heavens." He told her, his hands on her shoulders.

"It's nothing. Come on, we're friends!" She smiled at his long time friend, the latter smiling back.

"But still, thank you. Guess what, Aries is pregnant again." She knows she is supposed to answer 'what,' but her friend's just so excited to break the news on her! Hearing the news, she smiled widely; indeed a very great news.

"Really?! That's your second, Senior!" She teased.

"It's weird when you're calling me senior when you're a 'someone' here." He said.

"I didn't know that you're the wife of the President here. Aries read on the internet."

"Yeah. My father is the CEO and his mom is the COO."

"Woah! I didn't know about that!"

They reached the second floor. Stepping out of the elevator, she waved him goodbye and good luck.

"Do your best on the interview, okay? GO Fighting!" She did their 'good luck move' when they were still in college, resulting to laughs from both of them.

Natsu watched from the CCTV. He saw his wife, talking, smiling and laughing with an orange-haired guy. He thinks he's just new in the company. Then Lucy laughed again; he doesn't know what they are talking about. Something's not good. He felt his mood changed. He was happy a while ago because of the prank he pulled on Lucy, but seeing her smile with another guy makes his mood change. Whatever it is, he doesn't understand. He couldn't be jealous. He clearly doesn't feel anything for her. He knows it too well that Lucy's the one who told Lisanna to go away; she and her father. So in return, he'll make her life miserable too.

"Get me the name of the person Lucy recommended."

"Yes Sir. Loke Celestial, Sir."

"I want his information here in a minute."

"Yes Sir."

Loke Celestial. It rings a bell.

He's Lucy's Senior when she's still in college. He remembered when Lucy will escape and ditch classes with him to be with their friends. Still, he's not in good mood.

 **X X X**

Even if she's tired and hasn't got a good sleep last night, Lucy's still working. It's because she's also the one who works on Natsu's job. Natsu's always in a meeting with their clients so what is it if she would do his works, right? After all, everything is for the sake of their company. She looked at the time, past lunch already. Maybe, the interview is already done. She called at the HR office and her effort to recommend him, was not put in vain for Loke made it to the company.

They said he's under Gen. Manager Gray's Department; who is under Manager Gajeel. Knowing that, she prays that he would be able to stay for long.

Gray is one of her childhood friends. Gajeel is Levy's husband and Levy is her bestfriend and she's an attorney.

She once had feelings for Gray when they were still teens. Gray's cool and really a relationship wrecker. No, he doesn't do anything bad. It's just, whoever lay an eye on him eventually fall for his looks.

But he's happily married to Juvia now and they have a cute daughter. _Lucky them_.

"Better concentrate Lucy." She whispered to herself.

 **X X X**

Natsu checked the information the girl from the HR office gave him. Loke's credentials are good. He is qualified for the spot. He also found out that he has a wife and has a kid. Not only that but he also knew that he's under Gray and Gajeel, his frienemies. Friends and enemies at the same time; they always fight over everything. He teases them and the asses also tease him back. The best tease for them, but worst for him, is when they tease him about having a kid.

But he could care less. Especially now that he already found Lisanna. He planned it a long time ago. When he gets the chance to talk to her and when she agrees to being with him, then they'll run away.

He'll file an annulment, resign on the company and will start anew with Lisanna.

"I'll file a leave." He called his Secretary.

 _Time to get his plans moving_.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

Lucy is having a hard time. It has been three weeks since Natsu filed a leave in work. From then on, he also hasn't been going back home.

She was left to do all his office works. It will reach daybreak for her to finish everything most of the time. But there are also times that she couldn't finish everything at all, just like that day.

More than her own health, she's deeply worried for him. There were lots of ideas swarming her head. She knows that Natsu isn't the kind to pick a fight with a random stranger, but who knows of what he can do when he is depressed? And the worst is, it would be her fault for not being a good wife.

She always tries her best, but it's never good enough. No matter how good of a wife she is, even if she got the best wife award, if it's not her Natsu wants to be with, it would be all for nothing.

For him, she will be called wife, but she will never be _his_ wife.

Her dream of having a wonderful and one of a kind wedding will only remain a dream.

The wedding she had was all for business. The person she has to share the works was now gone too. But she would still consider herself lucky for having Erza. She is Natsu's friend who works for their company too. Without her, she would have given up by now.

She's being sentimental. She wonders why. Maybe because she drunk a lot; she was dead tired too.

She came from a meeting with an investor, Cana. After their successful meeting, she got them engaged in a drinking battle. And the result is an emotional Lucy.

She walked inside her house at an unsteady pace; she really _is_ drunk.

Her vision is blurry. But even though she can't see clearly, she couldn't be mistaken that she saw a messy salmon pink colored hair.

 _'Natsu is here?'_ She thought.

Natsu came near her and helped her walk till they reach the sofa. _'He has a week leave, right?'_

"Natshuuu? Why ah you hee? You have a wee leave, riiight?" She managed to ask despite of her constant hiccups.

"You woke me up." He answered in an annoyed tone.

 _Déjà vu?_

Lucy smirked.

"Aaaw. Shoo kind my _hubbyyy! –hic – "_ She mimicked the way he told her that, hoping that somehow, he'll get hurt the way she was.

 _"Aashhh if it'ssshh reeaal!"_ Then she laughed like a crazy drunk.

" _How isshh it? Did I get it right?"_

Natsu made her sit on the sofa.

" _Oh no! I won't copy that part! Hehehe –hic –_ "That time, she felt talkative. Her mind is being clouded with random thoughts and memories. There were happy ones and the sad ones, but she couldn't understand the feeling she has on her chest. There were mixed emotions bugging her, but she couldn't express any of it.

" _Did you know? Of courshe not! Hahaha! Idiot! Lushy idiot! Cana and Erza were monshtersh when it comesh to drinking! Hahaha! Idiot!"_ She nearly cried from laughing.

 _"I'm an idiot! I lose to them on drinking! But Ershaaa!"_ She whined while stomping her feet on their marble floor.

" _Cheater! She hash a cake! Can you believe it?!"_ She exclaimed. She turned to her husband who was glaring at her.

" _Oi! Hallucination Natshuuu! Are you lissheeeniiing?"_ She hiccupped and then suddenly, got a hard time breathing. It didn't last long, and Lucy acted like it didn't even happen to her.

" _Ayssshhht! Even my hallucination Natsu glares at me…"_ She said in somewhat fake sadness. Her mood changed instantly; this time, she was laughing again.

" _Gray ish shoo funny! He shtriippeeed. Then Juvia got a noosheebleed! Then she died! Hahaha!"_ She was acting exaggeratedly.

When he thought Lucy was finished with her talkings, Natsu spoke.

"You're drunk." He said, sitting sideway beside her.

" _No… Look at me… I can shtill ficsh myshelf."_ She started with her face.

" _wiping make-up, lipstick…"_ She wiped her lips, scattering the lipstick on her face.

 _"eyeliner…"_ She got black streaks under her eyes.

Natsu gave her a tissue, but Lucy reached out for the tissue box and started wiping her messy face. She almost stumbled down when she tried taking off her shoes. But Natsu had became prompt and held her on her both arms.

" _Shenkyu. Shenkyu_." That was supposed to be thank you, but her tongue got twisted on so many turns.

She takes off her shoes, then sits on the sofa. That was when she felt hot.

" _Whoo! Shoo hot! Who turned the aircon off?"_ She said while fanning her hands.

 _"Turn it on! Hurry!"_ She said while taking off her coat. She has already unbuttoned her slacks when Natsu stopped her.

"Continue that on your room." Natsu stated firmly.

Lucy pouts and stands to go to her room. When she did, her slacks fell down, exposing her white panties.

" _Oops_ " She said. She bent down to pull it on but she lost her balance. Natsu caught her again before she could completely land face first on the floor. Lucy's arms came up to hug Natsu so she could also support herself.

Even though drunk, Lucy can hear his heartbeats. She looked up to see his face mere inches apart from her.

Without hesitations, she took the risk of inching her face forward. Natsu didn't even budge. In a blink of an eye, Lucy finally tasted his lips. She didn't know how to kiss. Her lips were just above his. When she noticed that he was not responding, nor objecting, she started nibbling on his lower lip. Natsu parted, so much to her dismay. She gave everything she got on that kiss. She even reserved her first kiss for him, but he had just parted away.

Lucy believed that alcohol is the bestest friend you could have when you got your heart broken. But boy was she wrong. Cause no matter how many bottles of hard liquor she drinks, nothing can go against the power of being heartbroken. Alcohol will never heal her broken heart. It will just take the pain temporarily away, but when the alcohol decides to leave, it will give the pain back again.

Her sadness was not just any other sadness. Her sadness is something that couldn't dry the well of tears. She started crying again, but what's worst is the fact that she let him see her cry.

She has to be strong, but her body is too weak and her mind is still fuzzy. Nothing goes well with her. She doesn't know what's going on anymore after he broke the one-sided kiss.

She feels like everything betrayed her; her bestest friend, her tears, her heart.

Even gravity leaves her now. She felt like floating. She wonders if she's dead because she can feel her back hit something soft and warm. If so, then it'd be better that way. Maybe, her heart would stop loving him now. The dead can't feel, right?

But if that's true, why does she feel cold? There's something warm on her chest. It's crazy, but it felt so good. Then something warm on her lips.

She strived to open her eyes, it's Natsu. She wants to ask if it is really him making love to her, but she couldn't find her voice. Somehow, she feels like it also betrayed her.

There's a hand roaming on her stomach. It was taking a slow adventure down. She gasped when that hand made her feel so good down there.

It was wrong, but she couldn't do a thing.

She is weak in every aspect.

After the good feeling she felt on her lower part, she felt something hard crushed her whole body by lying on top of her. She was kissed and then later on, the good sensation was changed to a painful one.

She struggled to break the kiss and scream. She doesn't have to do that though because Natsu already parted. She screamed and then everything went black.

" _I think I li – "_ That was the last words she heard from him.

 **X – X – X**

Lucy woke up feeling sore in her whole body, especially her head.

She closed her eyes when the pain became stronger that she feels like her head was splitting into two. Curling on the black sheets; her eyes widened in fear upon realizing something.

That wasn't her room! She sat on the bed while her eyes roamed everywhere.

"It's Natsu's room."

Looking down, she realized that she was naked too.

"Ugh…" Her hands come up to touch her aching head. The level of pain is so much unlike before.

She kept on thinking how the hell she ended up there in Natsu's room. She couldn't remember anything. She decided to dress herself. It was a relief for her that Natsu's away, or else… He will surely become an S-class ice prince for being cold to her and SS-class fire king for his madness.

She never noticed the blood on the bed. She walked through the door in an agonizing way. Her core feels sore; extremely sore that she couldn't really walk at all.

"Princess."

"Kyaa!" She stepped back in a sudden and fast motion. The soreness below was doubled that she winced in pain.

"Virgo…"

"Are you alright, Princess?"

"No. My head hurts. And I ended up in the wrong room. Please prepare me a breakfast and bring it to my room, okay?"

"Yes Princess."

"And some medicine for headaches."

"Yes Princess."

"Thank you."

She sighed when she reached her room. She then decided to take a quick bath.

Stripping inside the bathroom, she saw her reflection on the wall mirror. She almost faint in shock upon seeing the kissmarks and bites scattered all over her body.

But what shocked her most was the blood on her opening.

Her life will never be good. First, she had a dream of her and Natsu kissing. It was only a dream and it will never become true. And now, she lost her virginity to someone while she was drunk.

She cried horribly.

'Why can't it be the other way around?'

She was hoping that she was only dreaming; that she hasn't still lost it. She is Natsu's wife, for angels' sake!

She was slowly losing everything. If Natsu knows about it, he'll surely leave her.

And when that happens, she has nothing anymore.

Everything be gone, except him. She loves him so much that she still keeps on loving him even though her love is slowly taking everything away from her; even though it was killing her.

 _Is it wrong to love someone madly?_

She washed herself, in hope that it will erase the horrible experience her unconscious self experienced.

She will never fit to Natsu. She was not from the start. She is not even that day. And she will not until the end.

There's no way he could love somebody that is her. There's just no way.

" _What kind of punishment is this?"_

 **X – X – X**

His feelings were going round in motion. He couldn't get himself to explain it. He was mad. He discovered that Lisanna was now married.

It just hurts so bad knowing that the person you fought hard for, already moved on. It just hurts!

Seeing the girl he loves giving her smile to someone else that is not him makes his heart breaks into tiny, million pieces. It hurts so bad to know that he was not the one who can make Lisanna smile like that. How could she smile like nothing happened between them?

Does she know how much he loves her? Does she even know how hard it was for Natsu? Does she even know the things he did just to reach her? Does she even know that he hurt Lucy so they can be together again?

He bet no. Because if she does, she will hold on, she will never pull that smile, she will not marry someone else and she will go with him.

It was all Lucy's fault for him. It's because of her that he's being miserable. Lucy's the source of all the bad things that was happening to him. What did he even do to her for her to make life difficult for him?

He only wants to be with Lisanna. How could it be so difficult? How could it be so hard to understand?

He loves Lisanna's smile and seeing her smile can make miracles to him. Lisanna looked so happy and contented. Will he ever feel that?

It was only her who could make him happy and contented. But he will never be her contentment. If he tries to meddle on them, he will just make things difficult for her too. He loves her so much to make life difficult for her. He will never be like Lucy, who only knows how to be a burden on everyone's life.

He is so sad, but can't do anything. He lost. Everything's over.

He dashed away with his car. He has no specific place to go. He just wants to be far from everything. He wants to forget everything. He jumped to every bar, he would see. He went home drunk and managed to sleep; hoping that when he wakes up, everything will be finally alright. He could only hope that when he wakes up, all things are according to the way they should be. Lisanna is with him, with no Lucy in the picture.

He could only hope, but even while he's hoping, Lucy will come. She went home drunk, probably more drunk than him. His anger rose again.

 _'It's her fault.'_

He wants to do something horrible to her. He wants to make her feel the pain he felt on losing someone. It's not fair if he's the only one who will suffer. She should suffer too. Her sufferings must be more painful than his, since she's the root of all sadness. She only brings sufferings, difficulties and pain. How can a woman like her exist?

How can she act so innocent while ranting unimportant things? How can she drink and party till dawn? Was she not even aware that she's causing trouble for everyone?

He was mad, but when she falls, he couldn't stop himself from catching her. He was mad, but it didn't stop him to think she's adorable in her carefree state. He was mad, but why does he feel different? Like a candle melting above a small fire? Like a gum being chewed? Like a – why does that matter?

She kissed him and then she cried. He feels so horrible seeing her shed her tears. But he felt more horrible when he started looking at her in a different way. He felt like a raging beast tempted to a beauty like her. He felt like an asshole, but the moment is so tempting, especially when Lucy gave him that longing stare. She leaned forward for a kiss, and fuck everything he wont give for that night. He cannot think straight, but isn't it always like that when he is around her?

He took her to bed and started the deed. She passed out in his arms and he felt terrible. She was shaking in fear; her cold, bare feet, sending chills on his spine. The alcohol and anger turned him into a rampaging beast with no control.

He broke her; he took her. Her scream echoed in his ears. She became unconscious, and he stopped. The feelings, the emotions he still has to find names, were too much. Looking at her fragile form, his emotionless eyes softened its gaze. He just took the precious thing a woman keeps. It was truly horrendous.

She looked like she was in pain while sleeping. Does she even feel pain? Why was she crying? What was she crying for?

Before she could wake up, he left the house and went to his office. When the sun was already boasting up in the sky, he asked Erza if Lucy came to work.

"No. She said she'll have a few days off."

He wonders if she remembers anything. He doubted the thought. She was overly wasted to remember anything.

And she was so wasted when he claimed her. It doesn't sound so good.

He feels like he has been unfaithful to Lisanna. He can also still hear her screams, her pleadings before she passed out.

He bumped his head on the desk in confusion.

Seeing the papers laid on his desk, he decided to just bury himself with work.

In that way, he could forget everything, even if it's just for a while.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Chapter 4**

He was patiently waiting for her arrival. He can't wait to see her, Lisanna. She's the one whom he gave his heart to.

Even though he knows that she was already married, he can't bring himself to stop loving her. Every day and every night, the moments they had shared, the memory of her smiles, her laughs, her beautiful eyes and angelic voice, were always clouding his mind. Even if he closes his eyes, her kind face, her soft white hair, her supple lips, they were all hunting him.

No matter how hard he tries to forget her, he just can't. After each attempt to move on, he will just only find himself loving her more.

After waiting for a short time, Lisanna came.

"Lisanna…" His voice sounds yearning.

After two years, she didn't change. The way she stretches her lips when she is going to smile is still as adorable as ever. And when she smiles, he knows her eyes are going to close next as she tilts her head slightly to the right.

He is right.

"It's been a long time, Natsu!"

And when she calls his name, her voice can make his name much more beautiful to hear.

It has really been a long time. He misses her so much, that he can only stare at the woman he needs.

He couldn't utter a single word. What was he going to say? Should he tell her 'I love you' already? But it will sound wrong. So what should he say? Can't he just hug her?

He wants to, but he feels like his feet have grown roots to where he stands.

He didn't answer and in Natsu's mind, he knows she will pout sooner or later while placing her hands on her tiny waist; that he once used to hold tightly – like he was never letting go.

She did. His eyes followed her movements. The bump on her stomach was what made him return to reality.

"Lisanna…"

"And I thought you are not going to speak again." He smiled when she sighed.

"I'm sorry. Let's go."

"Where?"

"See the sunset."

He wants to hold her hand while walking, but Lisanna already intertwined both her hands before he could do anything. He just shrugged the idea off and focused on his main agenda.

"So, what are we going to talk about?" She asked, leaning on the rail.

He did what she just did and answered quietly. "Us."

Lisanna's eyes went down in sadness. She will not lie. When she learned that Natsu was meant to marry another girl, she was hurt.

She loves him so much to let him go and see him marry another girl. They almost had it all. She loves him and he loves her. They even planned for their future together. But it was all taken away by power.

"There's no us anymore, Natsu."

"I figured that out, when I saw you with another." He said; his voice as laced with hurt.

"Come on… Cheer up – "

"I can't. Lisanna, I can't do that." He looked at her eyes; even his eyes reflect pain and sadness.

"I thought I can't do that too." She turned around to look at the setting sun.

"But I managed to move on and continue my life."

Natsu looked down again, his back still leaning on the rail.

"How can you move on? Why did it go easy on you, but hard for me? I did everything to find you and be with you again, and when I found you – " He looked down to her stomach.

He can't bear to say that she got pregnant with another guy. It's so hard to accept the truth that she is now starting a family with another man. Imagining her happy with another man while raising their child is the worst.

"Letting go is never easy. I was d*mn hurt too." She said calmly.

"We planned everything together. Where we will leave, how many kids, the type of house… I kept on holding on, why did you let go? Is he f*cking better than me? Tell me!" He whispered-shouted.

"They were all just plans. He gave me the real thing. – "

"I can give you the real thing too!"

"Because if I keep on holding on, it will just be more painful! I had loved you, but my love for you is never the same now. I love him. And I'm happy." She paused and touched her belly; an action that makes Natsu cuss inside. The baby was not his.

"I thought you were really the one for me. But I met him. And before I knew it, everything has changed. You got me with hello, but he got me with just one smile. It makes a big difference. I love you, but I love him more. I'm sorry that I have to leave you behind. But if I keep on loving you from afar, we will just get stuck in a place where wounds never heal. If I didn't do that, things will be a lot more difficult than this. I let you go, please let me go too. You don't deserve a runner like me. You deserve better. Someone better than me is just there, _waiting for you to turn your head on her side._ I'm sorry Natsu. You have to move on. _"_

There.

She said it.

She doesn't love him anymore.

And there he was, looking up to the yellowish sky that reminds him of the person why every sh*ts is happening now. Why just can't everyone be happy without making others lonely? Why does everything have to be destined to happen? Can't they just make their own fate and be happy?

Why is it that when someone smiles, someone weeps? Why are his tears coming up?

It is indeed painful. He gave everything to her. Love, respect, care, everything!

But it seems that they were never enough. Instead of holding on, she chose to let go. In that two years that had passed, he was the only one holding on.

He feels totally stupid. But it's always like that, right? When you love, you become stupid. Pain has always been behind love. He didn't prepare himself to it, that's why he is breaking to pieces right now. If he had prepared himself for the wrecking pain, will it all become easy instead?

His tears that he held back flows down his cheeks. He made a simple move to hide his tears and wipe it.

She had given up on him and there's nothing more he could do about it. It's all over whether he likes it or not.

He wants her in his life so he did all those efforts. But did she ever make an effort too? She will fight too if she really loves him. But she does the opposite. She finds her happiness alone. She moved on and left him with no goodbyes.

Maybe, it's really better that way. No goodbyes and anything else. He doesn't want to say goodbye, but he has to let go; just like what she did.

Letting go, but not bidding farewell.

"I'm going. Thanks. You should go to him now…"

He stepped forward. Once his other leg moves forward too, it means no turning back.

Is he ready to face a new chapter with no Lisanna in life? He devoted the past years in crushing Lucy's pride and womanhood, and set himself to find a way back to his love. He has never been a good man. Maybe, that was his punishment.

What more will gods take away from him? He already told all the gods to take everything away from him except her. Why won't they listen?! How cruel can they get?

And with so much effort, he lifted his left leg.

"Let's be friends. Let's start anew. Be strong."

Moving on is a d*mn suicide, but he will try. For her sake, he will try. D*mn because he always does everything for her. And now, she's asking him to do something that will surely crush him big time.

But he has to. He will do his best to grant her last d*mn wish. Even if it means waving his hand to the future he planned with him and Lisanna…

"Yeah. The next time you see me, you'll regret not waiting for me." He bragged and continue taking steps away from her, when he felt her hug his arm.

"Well, the old Natsu is speaking!"

"I'm not old, but you are."

"Insensitive jerk!"

"Fat cow."

He will try and start moving forward. Although it hurts.

"You will be happy too. Trust me…"

 **X – X – X**

Two days after she lost her virginity, Natsu came back home. She is feeling a lot uneasy. She is so excited to see him again, but she also feels guilty.

So many things had happened while he was away. And there are things that may be better left unsaid.

She still doesn't know who she was with that night. But everything is clear to her, she is no longer innocent. Natsu doesn't deserve someone like her. He had been away for just a week and she let one night and one stranger take away everything that only his husband must have.

She was careless. She is so pathetic.

She is letting the love she feels makes her a slave of sufferings.

But despite of that, never for once did she question herself if she deserves all those pains. She knows it too well that she is not the only one who is hurting inside out. Natsu too, and Lisanna as well was hurt.

It will not be fair if she won't suffer the pain their wedding caused them. But still, isn't that suffering too much? To get laid by some stranger while drunk, to be hated by the one she loves, to be forever doll of his father; it all hurts so much.

Maybe, Natsu was right when he told her that she doesn't deserve any happiness. Maybe, her existence was a huge mistake. Maybe, she doesn't deserve anything at all.

But even though she is someone unwanted everywhere, she can at least say that she is lucky that she is able to feel how it is to fall in love madly and deeply.

 _When will she feel loved?_ Still, she was hoping that she will feel that.

Natsu was eating quietly while looking over at Lucy every now and then. She looks tensed and mad. She also looks like she's buried deep in her thoughts. Whatever she thinks, he doesn't care.

He is supposed to be mad at her to even spare a second thinking about her. His anger at her passed the limits. He doesn't know where to start with the moving on sh*ts, but whenever he will see Lucy, he sure as hell forgets how much he loves Lisanna.

"How are you doing?" She asked.

Natsu felt his anger rise higher. Throwing the fork on the table, he wiped his mouth afterwards.

"It's none of your business. I lost my appetite."

He stood and walked up to his room to drown his feelings down with alcohol; leaving the weak and fragile Lucy dwells alone with the tormenting attitude he gives her.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

The last time Lucy tried patching things up with Natsu, he brushed her off like the usual. She doesn't know what to do anymore. At night before she sleeps, she is thinking if it would really be better if she would just divorce with him, like what he always remind her.

It's what he always wanted. It's clear that even though all of them are hurting deeply, even though everyone is drowning in their own tears, Lucy's the only one who claimed what she wants. She got Natsu by force, though she is not the one who suggested the idea of forced marriage. She just followed her father.

She's not happy, but what can she do? Every night, she would feel how empty her life truly is. The temporary happiness brought by her friends will sink deeply in her heart, with no way of floating back.

Maybe, if she will grant him the thing he truly wants, everyone will be happy. Maybe if she will do that, Natsu will smile at her once again. If ever everything will go to how things should be before her father messed everything up, she will be happy too.

She wants to have some happiness now because her heart has been already tired of crying like a storm. Her system has already suffered too much.

The divorce papers will surely stab her heart like a knife, but if it will surely give her happiness afterwards, she's willing to take risks. The tears she will shed in one night will surely be doubled, but she wants to smile again. After all, rainbow comes after the rain.

She's too damn tired to beg for some love to the person who she knows will never give her the love and affections she's asking for.

She's too damn tired and sometimes, it's not wrong to give up.

She hates to say it, but she's giving up.

She can say she had enough.

She already got her share of the pain.

Lucy went outside the library. The work she has to pass the day after tomorrow weren't still done. She wants to finish all of them as early as possible, but her body is saying the other thing. Just like her heart, her body was also abused – by work, that is.

She was taking the path to her own room when she saw Natsu leaning on the balcony. He looks drunk. Her drowsy mind woke up upon her eyes saw what he's trying to do. Lucy didn't think anymore; she runs to his side.

"Natsu, don't do it." She said. Her voice was on the verge of cracking. Her eyes were going red from the tears that are threatening to fall.

She raised her hand, but it stopped midair. She was thinking whether it would be alright if she would touch him, even in the arm.

Feeling defeated by her dark conscience that tells her that she doesn't deserve any part of him because she was the one who sends him into committing suicide, she brought her hands down. She's going insane any minute now.

"Huh?" It was all Natsu said.

She knows that Natsu is looking at her. Instead of meeting his obsidian eyes, she focused her sight on the sakura tree that was peeking over his shoulder.

She was biting her cheeks inside. She doesn't want to cry in front of him.

"Whatever your problem is, this is not the solution." She finally said.

If he would really end his life, she would feel great remorse knowing that she's the reason behind it all.

Natsu turned his back on her.

"You know nothing."

It will be selfish if she would smile, but she smiled. Natsu is talking to her about matters that he keeps inside. At least, before she will go far away from him, she could be a wife to him. It's so selfish to think of that thing in the situation they are currently in, but who knows of what is right? That may be their last conversation together.

"I know." She smiled bitterly.

"That's why I'll give you what you want… Just please, don't do this." She whispered.

"What I want?" Her shattered heart cracked into tiny, more pieces upon hearing the interest laced in his voice. He leaned his back on the rails while waiting for her answer.

"Yes. The divorce. The two companies are finely stable now." She said while looking on the shiny floor. From there, she could see him looking at her. How she wants to look at his eyes… She raised her head to meet his gaze.

"You don't need to be tied to me anymore."

She did her best to act tough, though her eyes reflect all the sadness. It won't be easy for her, but she'll do it for his sake. No matter how many times she tells herself that divorce will make everyone breathe at ease, she doesn't think she can do it.

She is a fool for making him her oxygen.

Natsu stared at her intently, like examining her carefully. He can tell that she's tired. Who would not get tired with all the company works? She could at least relax and unwind.

"Please, stay back from the railing." She started to shake.

His brows knitted in confusion. He doesn't know what's with her, but he chose to obey her. He walked passed through her and went inside his own room. Behind his back, Lucy heaved out a sigh of relief.

"What's her problem?" Natsu asked himself. He was just out to breathe some fresh air.

Her every single word engraved themselves in his mind. She told him that she will give him what he wants. Did she know what he truly 'wanted'? She finally convinced herself to agree with the divorce he's always insisting to her. But she's too late to realize everything.

Lisanna had already found her happiness. His freedom will be for nothing. With that thought, he smiled bitterly.

He washed himself before lying in bed. The sheets weren't still changed. Lucy's scent was still there, lingering on the bed and all around the room. Memories of that night crept on his mind. Her pained sleeping face was bugging him. Her scream and partly moans were filling his ears.

Her smooth skin that his hands used to glide were shining on the darkest side of his sight. He couldn't take how tempting a drunken Lucy was out of his mind. The way her hair flips when she will turn her head from side to side were making a halo effect on his angelic face.

He put a pillow up his face. He doesn't want to remember anything. The guilt will just course through him. But putting a pillow up his face was a wrong move. The pillow got Lucy's golden hair's scent. His lips brushed the pillow and the picture of him kissing Lucy's sweet lips entered his mind. He brought it down to his chest and squeezed it, but it only reminds him of how soft Lucy was in his arms.

He shouldn't be dreaming of her. But he did.

 **–**

 **Lucy Heartfilia**

In the other room, Lucy went out of the bathroom. She feels more than exhausted. Lots of things had happened, but what concerned her is the thing that transpired a while ago. She couldn't believe that Natsu would actually resort to that kind of thing. She couldn't believe that he will go that far just to get away from her. Is he that desperate?

Lucy lay on her bed, still thinking of Natsu. Every night, he will drink. It causes Lucy to think if the pain he bears was heavier than her. But he doesn't have to worry about being hurt anymore, because Lucy will give him the freedom he always wanted.

She opened her door to go downstairs and grab a drink, but was surprised to see who was at her doorstep.

"Why are – "She asked, but she was cut off by a hand cupping her face. "What is it?" She asked, and looking in his eyes, she can see sadness in there.

"Does it – Does it really hurt?" And in an instant, there were her tears again. Somehow, she managed not to cry too much.

He nodded at her. "Yeah." He leaned down and kissed her, a gesture enough to make her close her eyes in grief. He parted, and they locked gazes. Natsu was aware of the hand that was holding his, and somehow, it felt perfect.

"Can this really make you feel better?" She asked. She isn't blind not to see hesitation in his eyes.

It took a while for him to answer, and in that while, all he could muster was a, "No…"

"No.. It hurts, so bad." He whispered painfully, Lucy shushing him.

"Lucy. This is what I want now." He whispered darkly on her ears. It sent shivers down her spine. She felt fear course her entire body, however, she has to stop him.

"No, Natsu. Stop." She pleaded.

He didn't listen though. Her clothes got discarded. She felt him touching her on her most private part, sending a gasp from her lips. She tried to suppress her moans. She didn't know that she was that sensitive. It got her thinking if she made indecent noises on that one particular night. She hopes not.

He kissed her again. She wants to be happy, but she couldn't. She wants him too, but not in that way. He is treating her roughly until she felt that they are finally one.

Her tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, dripping down on Natsu's shoulder. She felt ashamed. She is trying her best not to make indecent noises, but she couldn't deny how good he makes her feel. He surely thinks that she's a slut now. Her mind is screaming in embarrassment, though her body tells another story. There is nothing gentle on what he does, but she couldn't stop herself from enjoying every moment.

"I'm sorry. Sorry…" She cried on his ears. Heat pooled her stomach. He kept on going while she says her apologies for letting another man took her first.

"Sor – Ah!" She wants to call his name as she comes, but it would not feel right.

Her body shook under him that she could only cry.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. So – "Natsu has gone deaf from her sorry's. He doesn't know why she keeps on saying sorry. To stop her, he kissed her fully on her lips. He kissed her, but she doesn't kiss back. He pulled back and buried his head in the crook of her neck.

He is still pounding on her, desperate for some release. He wasn't a bit disappointed, though he couldn't bear looking at her tear-streaked face. He took her again and it's clear that she doesn't want him.

His mind wasn't thinking normally. He tried bringing up his rage on her, but he couldn't feel any anger. Instead, he felt guilt, remorse. She was crying horribly under him. Her sobs were making him feel the worst.

Why does it seem like he's the only one enjoying himself? He shook his head a bit. He's not enjoying it that much. How could he when he can hear her cries loudly?

"I'm sorry Natsu. I'm sorry."

There she was again with her apologies. He's the one who should say sorry for doing that thing to her. He's the one sorry for taking her first. He looked at her face. She has her eyes shut tightly. Her lips were bleeding from her bites to suppress her moans. His right hand came up to wipe some tears, but it's useless.

Her eyes were like a faucet of tears. He wiped the tears again, but she replaced it with many, more tears. He doesn't know what to do. A rivulet of blood flows down from her lips. He assumed it hurts her because she gasped and then her lips trembled.

He can feel himself coming. He wanted it to end. He is cursing himself for not being capable of holding back his desires.

"Natsu…"

Leaning down, he kissed her lips gently.

"Sor – "

He kissed her again. This time, he prolonged the kiss.

They both came, so he stopped thrusting in and out.

He is going insane. He wants to know how she truly feels, but her eyes were still shut. He pulled out and put his jeans on. Looking at her wasted figure, she turned her back on him. Her hands were covering her face. Her body was shaking from her sobs. Before going out of her room, he pulled the covers up for her in a not so gentle way.

He left her with no words. She cried more. She felt ashamed of herself. Natsu already knows that he's not her first. She doesn't know how she will face him in the next days to come. But her days with him are now going to reach its end.

She picked her phone up and dialed Levy's number.

 _"He – Hello?"_

 _"Hello Lu-chan."_

 _"I h-have so-something to ask."_

 _"Are you alright? Lu-chan? Are you crying."_

She faked a laugh. _"I'm alright! Please prepare a divorce paper for me."_

 _"D-Divorce p-paper?"_

 _"Yes. Thank you. I'd be expecting that in a week."_

She ended the call right away. She felt tired yet she gets up to wash herself again.

That moment, she believed that fairy tales were only on books. Once upon a time will always end with the famous 'The End.'

Her sunrise has already set behind the mountains. The theatre curtains closed for her.

She only has a week to be with him and then she has to start a life alone. They say tears make you stronger.

She wishes it's true…

Because she doesn't want to cry anymore.

Lucy never showed herself again to Natsu. She made sure that they will not meet on any ways possible. The divorce papers came after a week. She finalized and signed everything she has to sign despite of her heart that tells her no.

And of course, despite of Levy's chides.

She asked Levy to give the papers to Natsu. She was thankful that she complied after all her rants. As much as possible, she doesn't want to tell anyone about it so she made Levy promise not to tell a single soul.

Natsu rushed to Lucy's office with the documents at hand. Lucy didn't expect her presence. She was working non-stop; the reason why she doesn't feel that good.

"What's this?" He asked through gritted teeth as he holds the papers.

She rubbed her temples. She felt worse upon seeing his face. His scent was also making her want to puke everything she ate that morning.

"Divorce papers, I guess?" She mocked and it made him snap.

"I know what this damn thing is! I want to know the meaning of this!" He yelled. He can see the dried wound on her lips from where he is standing.

"Just sign them and you're free." She felt something stabbed her from behind. Her good conscience was now yelling at her for being plastic. Of course she doesn't want that, but she told him that she will give him what he had always wanted.

"What if I don't?" He asked in a challenging tone.

She felt her blood boil. Why did his face suddenly become irritating to look at?

"Isn't that what you want?! I'm giving it to you now! You'll be fine once you sign that paper up. You can do whatever you want, marry whoever you want. You can now leave me! Just sign them and everything's over!" She felt dizzy and she knows that sooner or later, she's gonna throw up because of his scent. She put a hand up on her mouth after saying all of that.

"No! I don't want this shit!" She wants to hear something good after that, but maybe, she's still dreaming. How can she set her hopes up again after that little shit? He breaks her heart more with what he said after that.

"For what? Lisanna got married! I don't have a reason anymore! And what will happen after I sign this? You will probably remarry again or jump in joy while I was being left alone! This is bullshit! I will not be the only one suffering!"

She didn't know that Lisanna got married. So that's the reason why Natsu's always mad. It's too late.

It's really too late for Natsu. But why can't he see her? She's always there for him.

She's always there, waiting for him to turn his head to see her. She's always there, living in the same house as he is. But why does she feel invisible? So all this time, he doesn't see her as a woman capable of loving. But why did he do that to her?

Why did he give her that night when he just rubbed it on her face that Lisanna will always have his heart? She feels great sympathy for herself, but then, she feels bad for Natsu.

"I didn't know. I – I'm sorry."

"You can't be separated from me, Lucy." He gets his lighter and burned the paper.

"No! Natsu! Stop!" She tried to stop her, but the fire alarm already rang.

The automatic water fountain in case of fire switched on. It was raining inside her office. Under the rain, her tears came along, mixing with the water that falls above them.

They were both wet and the divorce paper was turned to ashes.

He knows she shed tears again. Her apologies and the words she used to stop him from burning the paper were reminding him of that night.

He didn't do anything. Someone has thrown a pebble on the clear water, making it ripple. His once clear mind was now driving in a foggy road.

He doesn't know what is what in which anymore. How he wishes everything will just end.

With that, he left.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Chapter 6**

After that incident in her office, Natsu left again without saying where he will go. Lucy was used to it. When did he even consider her feelings? Just when she has finally decided to start anew and give him the freedom he had always wanted, he started to play the jerk role.

Lucy was unable to think clearly. She doesn't know what the right emotion to feel first is. Should she be jealous first of Lisanna? Never did she feel anything bad on her. After all, she's the one who took someone away from her.

Should she get mad at him for not signing the papers? Half of her is screaming in happiness, though, so she couldn't really get fully mad. She feels like she saw a light in a dark alley. She feels hope surging through; finding for a place to settle. Squeezing the new found hope inside her fully-loaded heart, she made a silent prayer and asked the Heavens to bless her a better relationship with Natsu.

Her phone rang in the middle of her reverie. It was Porlyisuca. Natsu told her about the act she pulled and she wants her in their house now.

She is sure that she will get scolded. She never felt loved around her. Why would she even spare some affection for her? For her, she's just a tool for the company she is raising. She has no right to use her, but it happens. She is Natsu's second mom. She wonders if his real mom is kind and loving.

What does she look like? Does she have pink hair too? Is his father tan too? Whatever they look like, they must be good-looking because Natsu is handsome. His obsidian eyes are always true and reflect what he truly feels. His smile is the second warmest smile she has seen after her mother. His hands that once console her when she lost her mother are warm and overflowing with affections.

Where are they now?

She visited her mother's grave before going to Dragneel's residence. It's where she goes when she needs some peace of mind. No one can measure how much she misses her. It's in those situations that she needed her most. But she was gone and she has to deal with everything alone. But even though she lost her pillar, she became strong because of that.

She went straight to Dragneel's residence. Wendy, her daughter, greeted her first. Unlike her, Wendy is kind and caring. Natsu had been already there too when she arrived. Natsu was already there, too, when she arrived. Her mood began to change after seeing his face.

So he went home after that incident. Natsu is lucky he has a home to go back to, unlike her. She has no home to start with. The people who showered her love before weren't even their relative. They were their maids and cooks back home, but they were all gone, too. Jude replaced them with someone new after a year of Layla's death. She lost some strong pillars to lean on again. She felt homeless, until that time, she still feels it.

"Lucy-nee!" Wendy greeted her and then kissed her cheeks.

"Hello Wendy-chan! Hello Charla!" She greeted her and her cat.

She wants to sound cheerful. She just hopes that Wendy didn't notice the bitterness laced in her voice. Natsu's scent is lingering around the area which caused her to feel slightly light-headed.

She searched for the owner of the said scent and found him sitting in one of the sofas. His eyes bore through hers. It shows nothing; something that hurts a part of her inside. She just simply met his gaze and nod a bit before looking away.

While Lucy is busy being emotional, Wendy had already examined her physically. Wendy knows a lot about Medicine and she dreams of becoming a doctor someday. Despite of her young age, her mind is totally a different story.

"Lucy-nee, are you alright? You look pale." She asked in worry.

"I'm fine. Maybe I'm just tired that's why I look pale." She forced herself to smile and answer. She feels like she is going to throw up any minute.

A housemaid called them for lunch. Natsu goes immediately while Lucy exhaled in relief after he's gone. He has never shown that kind of excitement in their house whenever attending meals.

"Let's go Lucy-nee." Wendy said with a smile.

"Let's go." This time, she gave her sincere smile.

When they reached the dining area, Natsu was already sitting on his seat. Seems like they prepared his favorite foods. Porlyusica cooked. She is the last one to arrive wearing an apple green casual dress.

"Hi M-Mama." Lucy hesitated to kiss her first, but did it nonetheless.

She didn't talk so she sat beside Natsu. Natsu didn't even bother to look at her.

"Lucy…" Porlyusica called her in an even tone that made Lucy freeze.

"Y-Yes?" She asked in a shaky voice; her head hanging down.

"What is this thing that I heard?" Her tone completely changed.

She is back to her grumpy side again, which she uses only on her. She searched for good words to tell his Mom. There was a moment of silence. Porlyusica is looking intently at her, expecting for an acceptable and reasonable answer. Feeling nervous, she opened her mouth to start when Natsu beat her to it.

"Ma, let's talk about that later." He said.

Porlyusica seemed to calm down and went back to her normal self; her normal self when her kids are with her.

"Alright. Let's eat first."

They eat in silence… except Natsu. Meanwhile, as everyone is eating to their heart's content, Lucy is having a hard time to eat. She can't even swallow her food. She likes all the food, but not that day. Aside from the dizziness she feels, she can't also breathe properly. Natsu's scent was too strong. It continues until she can't hold it in anymore.

She didn't mean to drop the utensils to the ground. She covered her mouth while her other hand came to her stomach.

Everyone present on the table looked at her with confusion, though she didn't know it. She is way busy with her current condition to bother looking at their reactions.

"Ugh – "

Wendy flinched and leaned on the table. "Are you alright?"

"Ye – ugh – "She didn't see Natsu turned aside in awareness.

She excused herself and rushed to the toilet. There, she threw up while clutching tightly on her stomach while the other hand is on her chest.

Wendy was already there when she turned around to get some tissue. Porlyusica was also there, hands on her hips. On the dining table was Natsu, leaning on the back of his chair. His right arm was extended to the table with his hand playing with his spoon. Though his attention was not on the spoon. His head was twisted to the side, looking at the wall that hides the toilet behind. Behind the wall, he can hear Lucy throwing up. His once joyous face brought by the food was replaced with knitted brows and tight lips. His eyes were cast down like a frown as he keeps on staring at the wall.

 _Behind that wall…_

She accepted the tissue Wendy gave her.

"Lucy-nee, are you really alright?"

"Yes. I just don't feel like eating."

"Are you insulting my cooking?!" Porlyusica hollered which wasn't gone unheard by Natsu.

Lucy seemed a bit shocked. She shook her head in frantic.

"No… I'm sorry. I just don't – "She looked at Wendy.

" – feel good."

Porlyusica looked at her with examining eyes. Seeing how pale and thin she got unlike the last time she had seen her, she sighed.

"Okay. But don't think that this is over, alright? Your father still doesn't know anything about this. I'm not yet telling him because I wanted to talk to you first."

"Yes." She bowed.

Wendy told her that she can use her room to rest. Lucy and Wendy came out of the toilet. They both have to pass through the dining area before they can reach the stairs.

Lucy saw Natsu there. He was still sitting. As she walks, Natsu's eyes trailed to her leaving form.

When they get in her room, Lucy lay down.

"Lucy-nee, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I'm just a little bit dizzy."

"Can I have your hand? I'll check your pulse."

"Okay." She grabbed her hand gently.

As Wendy do all the magic, Lucy felt a little sad. Natsu didn't even looked at her, nor spare a glance at her. He just stayed behind.

"Uh, your pulse is beating fast. That's normal since you just vomited and we climbed up the stairs. When will you have your period?"

Lucy smiled at her. "I think its next week."

But while she's at it, she thinks she's three days late.

"Okay… It's just over fatigue." She climbed up the bed and touched her forehead.

"It's because you are working too much. Have some rest for a while."

Lucy giggled. She's amused at how mature she speaks.

"Yes Doctor."

Wendy laughed then later on, gave her a time to rest. She went out of the room.

When she is sure that the door is closed, she turned around then jolted back in surprise. Natsu was leaning on the wall. His arms were crossed across his chest while his eyes are closed. His head was tilted up while his right foot was tapping lightly on the floor.

"Natsu-nii."

His eyes fluttered open.

"What's with her? How's Lucy?" He asked.

"Stress and over-working."

Natsu backed away from the wall and shoved his hands on his jean's pocket. He knows that sooner or later, she'll get sick. He noticed that she is really over working herself and awake till dawn most of the time. If he didn't know better, dinner is just her everyday meal.

But instead of saying anything, he chose to keep silent and turn a blind eye at her pale and thinner form.

"You seriously need to stop being a kid around her." Wendy pouts.

"Heh…" He smirked.

They started to walk together in silence; that is when Wendy said something that makes his tummy swirl.

"You know what… I think Lucy-nee is pregnant." She said suddenly.

"P – Pregnant?"

Natsu got nervous. He remembered those two nights were he took her. The last one was only two weeks ago. He got pale in an instant.

"Yiiieee~" Wendy sang which made Natsu almost have a heart attack.

"Natsu-nii is going to be a _daddyyyy_!"

His pale face gained color. His blood came rushing through his face, giving him an instant blush on. They have an air conditioner, but he wonders if they were on. His palms are starting to sweat, even his covered feet. Beads of sweat came out of his pores. His heart is going berserk inside his chest. He feels like burning inside. He feels warm.

What if he really got her pregnant?

He didn't know it, but he started to walk in a faster pace.

He doesn't want to think about it… He doesn't want to believe that she's pregnant. Heck, he doesn't know what to think nor feel! But one thing is for sure, he couldn't get the idea out of his mind…

Why? How? When? What?

Is he ready?

 **X – X – X**

Lucy feels weak. Each day, her illness is getting worse. Every morning, she has the urge to vomit even though she still hasn't taken anything for breakfast. She feels dizzy after reading only three sheets of papers. And she can't eat well.

It made her think if she inherited her mother's illness.

That day, she took a leave in the office. She decided to consult a doctor. She didn't tell anyone about this, afraid that she will only get them worried.

"Don't worry Mrs. Dragneel. What you are experiencing is normal." The doctor said calmly which sends goose bumps to her in return.

How can all of that be normal?

Her mood began to change again. The once green light turns into red.

"What do you mean?"

"It's normal for pregnant women to have nausea and vomit in the morning."

The once red light turns into yellow.

She feels like a massive amount of electricity strike her.

SHE. IS. PREGNANT?

How can that be? It has been two weeks since something happened between her and Natsu and three weeks since that one particular night.

She is confused. Who is the father of the baby she is carrying inside her. Fear surged through him. What if Natsu learned about this?

She could only hope for the better.

"You are three weeks pregnant Mrs. Dragneel! Congratulations!"

And it hit her like a roaring thunder. That only means one thing!

"Thank you! I'll come back again."

She went out of the office quickly. She feels extra scared now. She couldn't believe how messy her life could be. It was like throwing one trash in a loaded bin. She thought she already had enough. What will her father say if he found out?

What will Natsu say?

What will he think of her if he will find out that he is not the father of the baby?

Why can't it be him instead?

For the millionth time, she feels defeated by the cruel fate.

After several days, she got spots so she decided to visit her OB.

Life really has a lot in store for her. When she went out, Juvia saw her.

"Miss Lucy? What are you doing here?"

"Just a little check-up." She said and acted like she was in a hurry.

"In an OB? Are you pregnant?"

"No! I'm sorry Juvia! I'm in a hurry!"

She puts a hand on her stomach. No matter who the father is, she doesn't care. No matter how cruel life can get at her, she'll never let the child suffer a life like her. It's her own flesh.

Even if Natsu, her husband - in law, will think negative about her, she will not give the child up. From that day onwards, God has given her another reason to keep getting stronger.

She will be strong for the other life that is forming inside her, no matter how many times Natsu tear her heart apart.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

He did everything to forget what Wendy told her yesterday. He didn't go back home. He doesn't want to see her yet. If it's true, he doesn't know how he will react. He doesn't think he can look at her in the eye anymore; not like he does that always anyway.

But if she really _is_ pregnant, will she tell him? He bet no. After everything he had done to her, it's a miracle if she will tell him about the baby. Though the real question here is 'does he want Lucy to tell him that she's pregnant?'

He yanked some of his hair. They are not yet sure if she is pregnant! If ever she _is_ , is he the father of the baby? There is a big possibility that he is. He barely sees Lucy go out and he is her first.

Lisanna came into the picture. He is d*mn moving on. And as much as he doesn't want to believe it, he feels like he is really slowly moving on. But there are still lingering feelings that cloud his heart whenever he will think about her. Maybe that will stay forever. Lisanna is still the girl who he truly loves first.

But what if he is the father of the baby Lisanna is carrying? He wonders what the baby will look like. Salmon hair or white hair? A boy or a girl? Black onyx eyes or emerald eyes? Will he jump in happiness or become speechless?

He feels like an old pervert man fantasizing on her crush. To forget about Lisanna too, he decided to go back reading the files laid on his table. _Maaaan!_ That was boring. He has to spend every day sitting his ass off and read papers. How ironic! Because when he was still young, he would always tell his father that he will not set in one place to work; that he will always go on adventures.

Things will really not always go the way you wanted it to be.

And just when he had finally forgotten about the possibilities of Lucy being pregnant, Gray came with the hottest scoop.

"Yo Flame-Brain! I heard you are going to be a _daddyyy!"_ Gray sang upon sitting on the chair in front of his desk.

Natsu just has to shut his eyes tightly close to hold himself back from punching Gray.

"I don't have time to fool with you Ice Pervert." He said in a low, serious voice.

"Huh? But Juvia said she saw Lucy consult an OB yesterday. You didn't go with her?" Gray asked in disbelief.

"No." He said like he was not interested at all.

Lucy is not even pregnant so why would he? Well… that's what he chooses to believe.

Natsu quirked a brow at Gray's frowning face.

"I can't believe you. Lucy is your wife and she is carrying your baby. You can at least show that you care." He said in a low tone; with a voice full of sympathy not for him, but for Lucy.

Natsu felt like something pricked his heart. He knows he is horrible, but having someone rub it on you? That's too much. And besides, he didn't know that Lucy went to an OB. He didn't even know that she went home all by herself yesterday, despite of her being sick.

He knows he didn't treat Lucy well. He always fools her about having affairs. He knows that she cries at night and he is one of the reasons why she does. He wouldn't be surprised if Lucy wouldn't trust her anymore.

"When I learned that Juvia is pregnant, I almost spin her in the air… but I didn't do because the baby might get dizzy. I always go with her wherever she goes. What I am – "

"I got it. I'm not the best man in the world, okay? I got it so don't rub it more in my face."

Gray became serious.

It's not like he is not ' _happy_.' Who would not when you learned that you will become a father? But his situation is different. Not everything is clear. It is just a rumor. Lucy's pregnancy just came out of Wendy – a doctor-wanna-be. Wendy is not a doctor and Lucy is not telling him anything. He doubts if she will even speak to him without getting grumpy.

He noticed it in their past interactions that whenever Lucy will see him, her face will turn into a scowl immediately. It is clear that she can't stand him.

"Don't tell me you're still affected by what happened? Dude, that was like ages ago."

Shoot. Gray hit him below the belt.

"Shut up Gray."

He called him by his name, which indicates that whatever they are talking about has turned into a serious matter.

"You said you met with Lisanna. Did you two talk things over? _The real talk_ I mean."

"Yeah. She said she had already… moved on." He said in a bland tone.

"See? You're the only one left out. You should also start moving on too."

"What do you think I am doing?"

Gray shook his head. He stands from the chair and spins on his heels to walk out of the room. He feels bothered by their conversation. He halted and turned around.

Natsu gulped hard when he met Gray's stern stare.

"Don't let something or _someone_ disappear first before knowing their value. Learn to appreciate the people around you while you still have them."

Natsu got nervous with what he said. When he thought Gray will completely walk out the office, he turn around again.

"Women are fragile creatures. They always need someone to lean on when they cry, even if they don't say it, they need it. Don't you think Lucy has been alone for quite a long time now?" Gray took a deep breath.

"Don't break her more. If you do, I don't know what I can do to you."

With that, he left Natsu cowering in a small portion of fear that keeps building up inside his chest.

Gray's statement keeps on running inside his head. Why does he have a feeling that Gray is right? That what Gray said will come true?

Is he really breaking Lucy that much? He has to think again. Isn't that what he wants? To make Lucy suffer for everything she had done? She is the one who put his life in knots, isn't she? That's why he did cruel things to her. It's because she deserves every bit of it.

He believes that she is the reason why everyone is having a hard time. He even told her that she didn't deserve happiness. He treated her badly. He showed her his beastly side. He is mad at her, right? He is mad at her that whenever he thinks about her, he could forget Lisanna.

He has the sadistic pleasure of seeing her cry, knowing that sooner or later, she will give up. And when she did, she will give him the divorce he had always wanted. Then something happened between him and Lisanna. He doesn't want to give her freedom because she once forbids him the freedom he seeks.

He wants her to feel the pain he suffered. He wants her to feel how hard it is to be separated from the one you truly love. He wants her to know how it is to be alone.

And then Gray told him that Lucy has been alone for quite a long time now. How can his words stab him like a knife?

How can his few lines make him confused?

Is not making Lucy suffer what he truly wanted?

But why does he feel like a monster when she showed him that she is scared of him the first night that he took her? Why does he feel so horrible hearing her scream? Why does he feel appealingly dreadful by feeling her body shook in fear, get cold in fright? What entered his mind when he wiped away her tears that second night? Why does he feel _needed_ when she called his name for the last time that night? Yes, that was the last time she called his name and it doesn't seem f*cking right. Why did he even kiss her and why does it feel like her sorry's are a lament song?

Why does he feel like everything is d*mn wrong? What is so wrong in everything he did? When did everything become so wrong? Where did he go wrong?

So what if he is going to lose her? So what if she doesn't like him? So what if she runs away? So what if she doesn't tell him that she is pregnant? So what if she cries? So what if she breaks? So what if she becomes alone? So what if she suffers?

Isn't that how things should be?

D*mn Gray and his words of wisdom. D*mn all the people who sides Lucy.

Why does he feel like no one understands him?

Can anyone understand him?

 **X – X – X**

Lucy was eating pickles with a strange dip. It is weird how she wants to see Natsu when she is alone, but she gets grumpy when she sees him. She feels torn inside and she doesn't even know why. The last minute, she was happy munching the pickles she brought then she became scared, afraid, confused and broken all of a sudden.

It is really weird. And she got a feeling that she needs to hug Natsu and be with him that time. But she will not take risks. He will just pry her away anyway so there is no use in trying. She will just get hurt and it might be bad for the baby. She has to protect the baby from all the pain. If she has to restrain her feelings with a cuff, she will do it for her baby's sake.

She already finished eating three containers of pickles, but she still feels hungry. More like her baby still feels hungry. She wonders if the baby's father is a happy eater. She remembered that she has to find him yet. Only if she remembers anything on that night, it will be easy. But no… She couldn't really remember who she was with that night.

She will not ask for some assistance. There's nothing wrong in knowing who your baby's father is, right?

The baby reminds her of Natsu, a person who loves to eat. If only he was the father of that child… If only he is.

Erza entered the office.

"Lucy – "She was cut mid air. 'Yuck' was written all over her face.

"What are you eating?"

"You want some?"

"No. Thanks for the offer though."

"Okay." Not like she will share though.

"Have a seat."

"Thank you."

"I came here to ask you about this."

Erza went straight to business. She gave her the memo that says she will replace her position for a year.

She did that because she has no plans on telling them about her pregnancy. It will only stain the fake good relationship she and Natsu built for their audiences. If that happens, they will start to question her and Natsu. Natsu doesn't like to be the center of anything. So she is doing what she thinks is right for her and the baby in a way that Natsu will also take benefit.

"Don't you want it?" She asked earnestly.

"It's not that. But this is so sudden. Where are you really planning to go?"

She took a deep breath before giving her an answer.

"I need a vacation."

Erza's face made a bewildered expression.

"For a year?!"

"U-huh."

Then her face turned into a teasing one.

"Aaaahh. I knew it. You and Natsu are going to have a honey moon again! Desperate for a baby, eh?"

Lucy smirked at her false suspicion.

"No. I just want to be alone."

Erza didn't ask for more. Like Gray, she is also aware of their situation, but they choose to not utter a word about it. It has been two years and neither of them is telling a single complaint, though Erza knows things are not in favor of Lucy.

She really admires Lucy toughness. She is hoping for Lucy's rainbow to finally come.

If only Natsu knows what he is missing.

"Okay. I'll think about it. Have a good day."

She turned her heels to exit the place when Lucy called her.

"Thank you. And please accept that offer. I just need a year of vacation. Please…"

Seeing her beg is enough for the scarlet haired woman to nod.

She walked out of the room when Gray bumped her.

"Sorry." He said in a low voice then continue walking again.

She shrugged his attitude off then continue walking again. This time, she bumped onto Natsu.

"Sorry." He seems like in a hurry.

"Hey, do you have a minute?"

"Make it quick."

"Why is Lucy making a year leave and passing her position to me?"

He looked at Erza with disbelief mirrored in his eyes.

"What?"

This got Erza confused as to why Natsu doesn't know anything about Lucy's long leave. But before she could ask him more, he had already left her wondering on her thoughts.

Natsu drove home. He needs to know the truth. If Lucy will not tell him, he will confirm it himself.

He went upstairs, straight to Lucy's room. Good thing it's not locked. That was the second time he entered her room despite of those two years he spent in the mansion. Of course, her room will be organized and clean.

But where will he find the proof he is looking for? He looked around the place. He pulled the covers and the pillows and then brings it back nicely. He opened her closet, he went inside her bathroom, and opened the medicine box. There was nothing.

At her girly bedside table stands a calendar. It was full of notes. He picked it up and sat on her bed to read her notes.

The notes consist mostly of meetings, deadlines, birthdays – he didn't know that she knows his birthday. It was written there and the fact made him smirk.

When he thought there was also nothing, his keen eyes noticed a very tiny note written on a red day, which is Sunday.

It looks like a scratch at first glance, but it was really a note. It says first trimester.

 **Trimester**.

When and where did he hear that? It sounds familiar. Images of pregnant Juvia entered his mind.

Then it hit him. It was a term used as a division of the duration of pregnancy. He dropped the calendar on the bed.

She really is pregnant?

He opened the drawer and rummaged for some more proofs. He opened a tiny pouch and was shocked with what he found.

A kit with two lines.

Realization hit him. She is really pregnant.

But why is she not telling him? Does it have anything to do with Erza's recommendation? Is she really planning to run away with the baby like what he assumed?

 _So what if he is going to lose her? So what if she doesn't like him?_ _ **So what if she run away?So what if she doesn't tell him that she is pregnant?**_ _So what if she cries? So what if she breaks? So what if she becomes alone? So what if she suffers?_

 _Isn't that how things should be?_

No. He won't let her run away. He won't let her leave.

She put the calendar back on the table, as well as the kit. When he went downstairs, Lucy entered the door.

He exhaled in relief. He was almost caught. He watched her every move and she seems fine. She pinched her nose close once again before looking at him.

"What?!" Irritation was drawn on her face.

"Nothing." He made his voice sounds natural and uncaring.

He sat on the other couch, a little far away from her. He needs to calm down. He needs to think clearly. After all, it could be just a false alarm. That happened to Erza so it could happen to Lucy and to any other girl. Maybe that is the reason why Lucy is not telling him. Because she is not really pregnant. He hopes that is the reason behind her not telling him that.

But if she's not pregnant, what explains the sudden defeat that coursed in his chest?

Could it be that he also wants her to be pregnant with… his child?

Oh God! He rubbed his palm on his face. He looked to Lucy once again, only to be met by her scowling face.

"Smells disgusting."

Lucy was shocked at what slipped in her mouth. When it hit her that she just mocked his scent, she quickly stands and run to the kitchen.

In that one year that she has, she will find the father of her child. But things will not go easy because Natsu will get in the way as he will do everything to know if she is really pregnant or not.

He has the right to know.

He is the father after all.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8**

She woke up feeling sick. Even though her body is telling her not to work that day, she just can't ignore her responsibilities as the co-owner of the company. As long as Erza is not still willing to take her position, she has to work hard.

No one knows what she is going through. Never did she tell anyone about her child. Because of that, she also has to play good at hiding. She has to hide, hopefully, with no way of being found out. It's impossible, though. There's just no way that she can keep her growing stomach invisible.

How she wished that Natsu is the father of the child. But wishing that thing is like wishing for a flower to bloom in a rock.

Though there are times that she wishes it has been Loke instead. She has no intention of meddling in his and his family's life, of course. She was just thinking that if it had been Loke, Loke would make a great father to her child.

He's always there when she needed him. She can rely on him for some advices and errands. She can ask him about Aries' experiences, because like her, his wife was also pregnant. Loke was still oblivious to what she's going through.

And that will remain like that.

Loke has always been kind to her. Why hadn't she noticed him before? Why didn't she see how caring he was in her back on their teenage years until now?

How could she notice him when all her eyes can see is Natsu? It has always been like that. Until now, the person her heart desires was still Natsu.

If ever Natsu would like a child, Lucy knows that he would want to have one with Lisanna. If ever Natsu is the father of her child, she wouldn't really tell him that she is pregnant given that one stinging fact.

He would never want to have a family with someone like her.

She tried to forget the feelings she had for him. She tried focusing on a life with only her and her child on it. She tried, but always failed.

How can she move on when the person she's trying forget is always there? How could she forget that person when he was just near? How was that possible when she feels like he's always watching over her, like a predator on its prey?

That's a fortunate fate for her. Right from the start, she has no intention of forgetting everything about him or erasing him to her memories.

It was all talk. The truth is she can't do that. She loves him so much to do that.

She will always wake up telling herself that it's time to start anew, but every time they will have a few not-so-important conversations, there her heart goes again. It was just a simple 'yes or no and later' business conversation and yet, in that moments are when her heart goes wild.

That few and cannot be even considered conversation never fails to revive her dying hope that one day, those conversations that she treasure will become a long and meaningful one. She hopes that a day would come that his simple efforts of asking her business-related questions will turn into sweet-talk.

Dreaming big, huh? She doesn't need anyone to tell her that Natsu doesn't want to have a conversation with her, unless needed. But his efforts of enduring her are enough to her make happy. His efforts are enough for her to keep on holding on – again.

Maybe, she will never learn. But if learning means knowing when she should let go and move on, then maybe, she would never want to learn. She would never want to know that the day where they will be apart exists.

Leaving under one roof is a torture, but a gift at the same time. Not all people who experience one-sided love will be given the chance to be a few steps away with the person they were crazy for. No matter how much it hurts to be close yet feel so far with him, the fact that he was still living there drives Lucy's existence into bliss.

Without him knowing; like he would ever want to know; seeing him eating with her for breakfast is what makes Lucy's day complete. Her heart may be severely broken with all the pain, her every day was at least always complete.

It's ironic that the person, who can break her heart without doing anything, is the person that can complete her day by doing little things.

They were opposites. They live on opposing poles. She lives in the cold somewhere along the corner of the darkest place in the world, while Natsu truly deserves to enjoy the warm daylights and jump in the middle of grassy plains under the brightest and calming sky.

Can she be allowed to step on the same ground with him? Or was it forbidden for him to step on the dark place she was in?

So much for her emoting.

 **Nausea strikes again.** It always happens every morning. And everytime she will experience that morning torture, Natsu is around. It was as if Natsu is watching over her.

She can feel his gaze boring on to her. She just can't meet his eyes. Fear of what kind of emotion, his eyes might hold is what keeping her from looking at him. But she likes seeing his face. It's one thing that she can't explain. Everytime he will turn around, Lucy has the tendency to catch a glance of his adorable face. His scent is one thing, though.

If only she can look at him freely and with ease, it wouldn't be hard on her part.

She dropped the utensils gently on the table. The pancakes suddenly tasted so bland. The breakfast Virgo had cooked seems so appetizing, but she doesn't feel like moving and eating any of it. She just stared at the food.

"I'm going. Hurry up." Natsu said.

Natsu's car was broken and was still on the process of fixing. She envies the car. When it breaks, the owner does everything to fix it. After some little screwing, it's all brand new again, like nothing ever happened to it. How she wished her life was like that. However, in real life, wishes don't come true. People's life isn't like the car; because after getting broken, they never go back to the way they were supposed to be.

"Yes. I'm done actually."

She stands up, but immediately felt dizzy. She grasped tightly on the table edge for some support.

After recuperating from her sudden dizziness, she made a step. A single step becomes two to three continuous and careful steps similar to an infant learning how to walk alone. Her careful, slow and light treads quicken its pace. Taking a step back, she runs.

To where the toilet is, she vomited again.

Natsu watched as Virgo runs after her with a towel and water on both hands. His right foot made one big step, followed by his left foot. Before Virgo could turn to where the toilet and Lucy was located, he made a leap. He stopped Virgo in her tracks; the latter looking at him with humility mixed with confusion.

He took the water and the towel from her.

"Just go to the kitchen or anywhere. I'll take care of it."

"Yes Natsu-sama."

Lucy jerked when someone stuck the cold bottled water on her neck.

"Virgo – "

When she realized that it was Natsu who did that, her mouth went shut. Then he threw the towel on her shoulder. While looking at mirror, he speaks.

"If you're sick that you can't come to work, just stay. – "

Lucy gargled then wipes her mouth. She opened the lid of the bottle and swigged a little.

"I'm fine."

"Tss. You'll be a problem if you keep that attitude."

"I said I'm fine." She stated firmly.

Natsu walked away from her. Both have frowns on their faces. She's a fool for expecting that he would really care. How many times should Natsu rub it on her face that he will never care for her?

He is so cold to her, yet his actions were so warm. It makes her not to want to leave him.

She sits on the back, not expecting Natsu to be there. He was looking at the graphs drawn on the white sheet of paper. That was the graph she made last night for his meeting that day.

The whole ride was, like the usual, silent. She chose to refresh her mind from everything that happened a while ago. If she wants to stay healthy, she needs a healthy mind first. Her hand unconsciously rubbed her stomach. It wasn't gone unnoticed by Natsu.

He watched through the rear view mirror how she rubs the swell on her stomach while looking outside. He saw her smile a bit when the car passed through a pregnant woman being assisted by her man and another child.

He got a hint of what she was thinking. Even though she is not telling him a thing, proofs were being thrown out everywhere.

" _Apples…_ " He heard her whisper.

"Macao, stop the car!"

Macao, who seemed surprised, stepped on the brakes hard. Lucy's face brightens up upon seeing the apples. She was about to get off the car, when her eyes met Natsu's stare.

She realized that they were in a hurry and that she had already taken most of the time a while ago. Feeling disappointment fill her, she slowly goes back to sit comfortably in her seat.

"Uh, you can go. Sorry."

But deep inside, she feels gloomy for missing the delicious-looking apples. She let out a sigh. She propped her chin on the back of her right hand that was leaning on the window sill.

Suddenly, it rained.

When they reached the building, Lucy gets off first. When Lucy was completely out of sight, Natsu poked Macao on the shoulder.

"Yes Sir?"

Natsu handed him a paper bill.

"Please buy Lucy apples." He said, muffling his voice with his hand.

"Yes Sir. How may Sir?"

"You see the apple vendor on the street from where we stopped? Buy there, uh, buy all if possible." He rubbed his temples, as if he was having a hard time making a business decision.

"Okay Sir. Where should I give it to?" Macao started grinning silently.

"To her." He whispered.

"Yes Sir."

"And wash them first. _Thoroughly_."

"Yes Sir."

He opened the door, but shut it close again.

"And don't tell her where or who the apples came from."

"Absolutely Sir."

"Thanks."

He gets off the car after that, wearing a blank face.

Natsu watched over the CCTV. He stifled a smile when he saw Lucy cheered up with the apples. But Loke entered her office with apples too. Natsu's smile disappears.

He doesn't feel comfortable seeing the two of them together, laughing like they were the only people in the world. But why is that? Why are they so fucking close to each other? Why is he giving her apples? And Lucy seems happier when Loke came with just five apples.

Heh. He gave her dozens while he just gave pieces. Though Lucy doesn't know that it came from him. It's better that way. She doesn't have to know it. All she needs to do is eat all of them and everything will go fine for her and the baby.

Natsu believes that Lucy should not flirt with Loke simply because she is pregnant. Doesn't Loke know that Lucy's pregnant? Does he know what he's getting himself into? He is married for Christ's sake!

Maybe no. And he has ways on making him realize what he is doing.

Picking his phone, he dialed Gray's number.

" _What? Realized I'm right?_ " Gray started.

"Shut up."

" _Then what do you need?_ "

He takes a deep breath first.

"Loke is under your department, isn't he?"

" _So?_ "

"You might want to get a week leave and have a vacation with Juvia." He smirked.

" _What about work?_ "

"Loke will do it."

From the other line, Gray snickered. He noticed how Loke and Lucy were getting along. They were damn close that they would get mistaken being couples if you leave them alone. And sometimes, it's good to play jokes on someone he knows, especially when that someone will surely get pissed.

" _Jealous, are we?_ "

"What makes you think I am? I just want to test his abilities." He growled.

" _May I just remind you that you had already checked his profile? If my memory serves me right, you checked it first before the HR manager did_."

"What are you getting into?"

" _You're jealous because Loke and your lovely wife were so close._ "

"I said I'm not. Why would I? Loke has a wife."

" _Suuure_ … _He's not a threat, right?_ "

"You know what, I'll just give the permission to leave to Gajeel – "

" _Fine!_ "

Natsu smirked. "Good. Thanks."

" _Whatever_."

Gray smirked to where he was standing too. The bastard just said thanks. He just hopes that he had already wakened up from his stupidity. Sometimes, all dense people needs weren't the talk. A strong, harsh nudge is what they need at times.

 **Lucy was confused**. She asked Loke to buy her some apples since she was badly craving for it. A delivery of about three dozen of apples was given to her earlier. She thought it came from Loke, but Loke came in with a basket of five apples.

She was really puzzled, but at the same time, she was happy.

"Craving for apples?" Loke asked; suspicion written on his face.

"No. I just feel like eating this much. You can give some to Aries too." She acted normally.

When she's with him, she doesn't really need to act like she was someone else. She's overly comfortable with him.

She was contemplating whether to share her secret with him or not. It was bothering her for about a couple of days. She doesn't like it when she is keeping secrets to him when all he did to her was show his kindness.

And with him, she knows her secret is safe.

"Loke…"

"Yes?"

"I have something to tell you. It's important."

She put the apple on the coffee table and held Loke's hand.

"But I need you to promise me that you will – "

"LOKE!"

The door flew open. Natsu was standing there with anger and disgust visible on his feature.

His eyes stopped at Lucy's hand that was holding Loke's hand. Lucy took her hand away gently while nodding. She was silently assuring him that everything's just fine, that she doesn't have to worry about Natsu's look.

Loke returned the smile she gave. He stands and faced Natsu.

"Yes Sir?"

"I have to tell you something. Follow me."

"Yes – "

"It's lunch break. We're having lunch." Lucy protested while clutching tightly on Loke's arm.

That pissed Natsu more.

"Well, you will have to enjoy your lunch alone. Loke, follow me."

"You're being impossible!" Lucy screamed in disbelief.

"It's alright. I'm the employee and you two are my boss. I have to do my work. It's alright, really."

"But…"

Loke winked at her. He made sure that Natsu won't see it. Loke doesn't like the stress Lucy's supposedly good husband was putting on her. He was never been like that when they were in college.

They were never acquainted, but Loke can see Natsu from afar before. The Natsu he assumed he knows had gone too far to see. He's wondering why of all people, Lucy had fallen in love with somebody like him.

Natsu was never the Natsu she had known and love before. Natsu has become a completely different person. Time really changes everything.

Lucy got anxious with Natsu's sudden change of behavior. It was as if he knows her every move. She feels like he's been really watching her. She feels like he was counting her every step and every breathe she makes. It was freaking scary. She wants not to pay too much attention to it, but she can't help not to notice his changes. For her, he sees Natsu's behavior the same to a child with his candy being stolen.

But what is that candy? In the end, she couldn't tell Loke her secret.

 **X – X – X**

Sunday…

Lucy was planning on going to Erza's place to ask her questions about who she was with that night. She has to find who the father of her child is. She also has to convince her to replace her already. Her pregnancy has exceeded a month and the swell on her belly was starting to get bigger.

It was night time. She had already texted Erza, but she's not answering her texts or call. It was also raining hard outside. It was as if the weather doesn't want her to leave. But she has to. She has something she needs to know.

Lucy doesn't know whether to get excited or not. Was she ready to know the identity of the person who took her innocence away from her? What will she do if she knew it?

God, she doesn't know!

Everyone seems already asleep. She tiptoed over the main door. She was looking at her back everytime. There's no turning back.

Her hand reached the knob, but before she could open it, it made a creaking sound. A lightning flashed over the window making her squeak. The door opened wide.

Another lightning with a roaring thunder was thrown out from heaven. It made silhouettes.

"Why are you awake? What are you doing outside?" She asked in surprise when she realized it was Natsu.

Cold air was emanating from his warm body. He was drenched from the rain. His tan and muscular body were shivering from the coldness outside.

Aware of what's happening, she immediately closed the door behind him.

Natsu examined her. He squeezed his shirt dry. He raked a hand over his damp hair before answering her questions with another question.

"Where are you going in the middle of a signal number three typhoon?"

She was quite taken aback. She just can't tell him, can she? Her curiosity about who the father was can wait. For that moment, she has to tend Natsu's needs first. Where could he have been at eight in the evening?

"I'll get you a towel first. Come inside." She told him.

She runs towards the comfort room. While getting a towel, an idea hit her in the head.

Natsu was actually going home earlier than usual.

Her anxiousness increased twice. Does he know that she's pregnant? But how would he know? She was sure she is not telling a single soul, or does she? Nope, she's really sure that no one knows.

Or maybe he noticed? She ignored the idea. Natsu won't ever spare a time to examine her for that.

"Here."

She gave the robe on him while still holding the towels.

"Don't go wherever you're going." He said while putting the robe on.

Her heart made a leap. Her cold skin suddenly became warm. She feels like all the warmness was seeping through her veins with only one destination – her chest, her heart to be specific.

He took one of the towels she was holding.

She feels so warm. It was as if an angel's wing envelop her in a tight embrace. She had never felt that feeling for a long time now and being able to feel that kind of warmness again was so relaxing.

To think that Natsu made her feel that, she wouldn't really leave just like what he said. To know that somehow, he cares, makes her want to cry.

"Yes. I'll prepare a warm bath."

She had already made a step when Natsu stopped her.

"I can handle myself."

"Right."

She watched as he goes far away from her again. But even so, she feels happy. When was the last time she cried? She couldn't remember. She brushed a lone tear from her right eye; indeed a tear of joy – single tear of joy.

He had made her cry bundles of tears because of the pain he was always making her feel. It's amazing how he can replace all those heartaches with just a little statement that at the same time, made her feel like she's important.

It's truly amazing how he can make her shed a single tear of happiness that can out-weigh the drums of tears she had already shed.

There she was, loving him more than before and it was only because he told her not to go anywhere while raining. She thought he would never care even if she crosses the lake of crocodile or even if she dies.

It was just a little act, yet it made the seed of hope grows stems.

An explosion rang through the air. Another flash of lightning and thunder made Lucy shiver and squeak. After that, everything went black. Another roar of thunder and Lucy had given up to the fear.

She crouched down to where she was standing. She couldn't see a thing. When did she develop astraphobia? She hopes she knows.

Natsu can hear her heavy breathing. Damn. He couldn't see a thing.

Worry was taking over him, though he wouldn't bother admitting it to himself. He never knew Lucy was afraid of lightning and thunder. Since when did she become like that? It's been a while since he saw that kind of thunder and lightning. The last time was when he was in elementary, during –

Reality hit him. That was the time during Lucy's mother's burial ceremony.

"Where are you?" His voice echoed on the room.

"I – I'm fine." She shouted back.

"Didn't I tell you that you'll be burden if you keep that attitude?!" He made a step away from the stairs. He was so blind.

"B – But I'm r – really alright! Just go away!"

"I don't care whether you're fine or not. What I want to know is where you are."

She's being difficult. She could just tell him. Where did he leave her minutes ago? Just fuck. He was still wet and cold and then the electricity went out. And Lucy decided to play hide and seek with him at the wrong time. Just fuck.

"I – "He heard her say.

"Where?" He whispered shouted.

Suddenly, a light blinded his eyes.

"Natsu-sama. Sorry we're late. Here's the lamp." Virgo gave him the lamp.

"Thanks."

When he turns around to look for Lucy, he saw her standing beside Lyra.

"How many lamps do we have?" She was gripping tightly on her arm.

"Sorry Miss Lucy, but we only have two."

"Candles? Do we have candles?"

"Yes Miss Lucy. Only it was one. Sorry!"

Lucy chewed on her lower lip. What should she do now? She feels like she was the one who got drenched under the storm.

"We have limited light. Are you two going to share a room?" She asked.

Her two friends nodded in unison.

"Can I join?"

Alright. Natsu didn't expect that. He was fine sleeping with no lights on, but can Lucy handle being alone? Maybe, sleeping together with Lyra and Virgo isn't a bad thing.

"Sorry Princess. The room was indeed large, but we only have two beds."

Silence coursed through the air.

Natsu saw how Lucy quickly grabbed Virgo's shoulder when another lightning flash again.

"Miss Lucy, Macao and the others are going to use the candle. You can use our lamp if you – "

"No, thanks. I'm going to sleep. Good night, you two."

With the light that was coming from the lamp Natsu is holding, Lucy walked over the stairs. She was trembling in fear.

Everyone wasn't at ease.

"Would Miss Lucy be okay? She hates sleeping in the dark."

 **X – X – X**

"I'll sleep in the floor." Lucy told Natsu.

"Just sleep on your bed. I'm fine." He said with fake irritation.

He doesn't know why he should sleep in the same room with her. He could just give the lamp on her and he can go to his own room.

But knowing what happened to her ages ago, he couldn't keep still. So there he was, on her room.

He was currently in the room where he took her, where she shed tears and told him she's sorry for something he doesn't know.

The tapping of the rain on her window was keeping him conscious. It was noisy. He stared at the ceiling that was being illuminated by the lamp.

It was kind of awkward.

From below, he could hear the shuffling sound of the bed everytime the fucking thunder will come. He throws his soundpod on the bed.

"Use that. You're noisy, I can't sleep."

"Sorry."

He huffed. Instead of saying thank you, why say sorry?

He was reminiscing. How long had it been after Lisanna told him to move on? He doesn't know. Had it been a month?

He could care less. What he's concerned about is how he was doing after that. So many things had happened. There were things that he wished he didn't do, and there were things he couldn't believe will happen.

Since when did he feel annoyed with Loke? He knows him, but that was that. He never paid too much attention to him. All he knows was that he was Lucy's friend, nothing more, nothing less.

They were just friends, but weren't they too close for a friend? He wasn't supposed to care, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking about it. Images of what he had watched from the CCTV will appear everytime he will try to set their intriguing closeness aside.

Watching them over the CCTV was extremely annoying. But he didn't know that it would be damn and fucking annoying seeing them together with his own eyes. He tried to forget that he saw Lucy holding Loke's hand. But he couldn't. A wave of pure anger and –

He felt something he couldn't say.

"Were you and Loke really just friends?" He thought out loud.

No one knows how badly he wants to hit his head. But nevertheless, Lucy answered in a whisper.

"Yes."

"Don't you think you're clinging to him too much? He has a family, has a wife."

She didn't answer.

He sounds so bitter. But what could he do? He doesn't want to see them laughing together. He doesn't want to see them act like they were the only remaining people in the world when they are together. All he knows was that he doesn't like seeing Lucy smile on another person.

"Stop getting close to him if you don't want to be called a flirt."

Well, shit. That wasn't what he wants to tell. He just wanted them to stop acting cozy together. He doesn't like it.

When did he care about the words he will tell her? He was changing. But for what? Why was it happening to him? That wasn't included in the plan. He was only going to move on, but he never planned to change.

He turned to the side and buried his head with another pillow. His soundpod flew in the air and dropped to his side. He turned aside and sits. Lucy was turning on the other side, but the glow in her eyes didn't escape his sight.

He frowned. He yanked his hair in confusion and irritation. It's his fault that she's crying again. How can he wipe her tears?

He dropped himself on the comforter lying on the floor. What was happening to him?!

Maybe, staying on one room with her was really a bad idea after all.

He made her cry again!

She's crying because it hurts. It hurts to know what the person you love thinks of you. She was just asking for Loke's help. She needs help and Loke was the one who's willing to give her a hand for the times that it should be Natsu that was there.

It hurts because he thought he cares. It hurts when your newly born hope was immediately crushed down. It fucking hurts that it was all she could feel.

She's a flirt? She wouldn't care if she heard it from her employees, but damn! It came from him and the feeling was like bolts of lightning had hit her on the brain, on her heart...

So much for the warm feeling and happiness he made her feel a while ago. She was so damn stupid for being the most stupid person!

If only Natsu was willing to help her, it wouldn't be that hard. If only he was kind enough to consider her feelings first before throwing accusations, she wouldn't cry again.

So far, the pain feels ten times stronger than before. Damn, because of all people, it was him who could hurt her the way no one did before.

Why does he love Natsu? Why can't it be another man? Why was she still loving him even though she knows he loves another woman?

And why the fuck was she still loving him even though she knows that he will never return the feelings she was giving him? What did she do for him to hurt her that way?

It hurts.

For the umpteenth time after those two years of pain, it hurts.

If only she's strong enough to move on and leave him…

If only she _can_ leave him...

She cannot.

 **X – X – X**

Natsu went downstairs, straight to the kitchen area. There, he saw Virgo making a glass of milk. The storm faded away and the sun was reigning on the bright blue sky again. Lucy was still asleep when he went out of her room.

"Good morning Natsu-sama."

"Yeah. Morning. Who's going to drink that?" He asked as he opens the fridge.

"Princess was always drinking milk in the morning lately instead of coffee."

Milk, huh?

"May I see the can?"

Virgo gave him the can of milk. He knows he saw that can of milk before. He saw it on Gray.

 _Juvia drinks this; milk for pregnant woman._

 **X – X – X**

Lucy woke up from a dream. It was a dream where Natsu was looking at her sleeping face with the softest expression she had seen on his face while looking at her.

There are times that she doesn't want to wake up from her dreams because most of the time, her dreams are lovelier than real life. She wants to stay in her dreams where Natsu cares for her, kiss her, look at her with a face full of love. She wants to stay in that place where Natsu brushes her hair while asleep, just like what she had just dreamt of.

And on that dream, Natsu cares for her baby. Will it become true? She smiled with her eyes closed.

She can still remember what he had said in her dream. He was asking her to wake up. And then he put a glass of milk on her bedside table.

He told her to wake up, but she was wide awake. Her heart was wide awake to the truth that he keeps slapping on her face.

She will never tell herself not to cry again. It will just be useless. She will just cry no matter what. The pain will never subside.

Opening her eyes, she turned to the right. Natsu wasn't there. She let her left hand's fingers dance on his neatly folded make-bed that was on the floor.

 _Flirt._

Her hand stopped dancing. She frowned. Tears were already brimming in her eyes. What a way to start the day…

She's not a flirt. How could she when he was the only person who holds her heart? She couldn't even look at other men because he was all that her eyes could see. When she does, she will just compare them to Natsu. Starting from the hair down to their toes, Lucy will not let them have a single physical advantage to him.

That was another day of foolishly loving him.

The dark clouds were gone. The birds that she didn't see yesterday morning were flying again. Even the birds don't fly when it rains, do they? But one thing she likes after every rain is the rainbow that comes after. So bright, so wonderful.

It's time to start another day again; this time, it's a life far from her earlier dream.

 _Or so, she thought..._

Sitting on her bed, her eyes flew to the bedside table.

A glass of milk was on top of it.

Her hand flew to her hair.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. I'll upload the first full half of this ffic in a day. The other half, I'll make time.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Chapter 9**

Natsu was off to somewhere heaven knows where again. For the first time, she was glad that he was out.

She learned from Erza that Hibiki Laytes and Ren Akatsuki were flirting with her that night. But she also learned from the woman that she and Jellal were the one who brought her home after that meeting.

She tried remembering everything that happened one month ago. There were really lots of men who tried hitting on her, but she didn't entertain anyone of them. As vague memories were coming back her mind, she remembered the dream where Natsu was kissing her again.

Something is missing, though. There's a hole in the whole story. If Erza and Jellal took her home that night, then how come she was naked when she woke up and of all the things to happen, why was she in Natsu's room?

Could it be that a rapist entered their house and mistaken Natsu's room to be the master bedroom? It was kind of possible to happen since the door to Natsu's room is big and really looks like the one for the master bedroom.

The idea was absurd that Lucy could just shake her head. What kind of rapist will enter someone's house and took her to one of their rooms? Or maybe she was the one who walked into Natsu's room by accident!

Still, that was unconvincing. She would never enter Natsu's room if she loves her dear life. Instead of brewing herself to insanity with all those thoughts, she decided to watch the CCTV instead.

Taking each step to the CCTV room, her chest seems to get heavier and heavier every second passing by. It wasn't because of her enlarging breast, she was sure of that. The feeling was like something keeps on pounding inside her chest, to where her heart was located.

What if the CCTV has something that she was looking for all this time? How was she supposed to react when she found out?

A big part of her was praying for it to be Natsu. She doesn't want it to be any other men. But if her prayer becomes true, what is she going to do next? Tell him? Or not tell him? If she was to choose the first option, what will Natsu's reaction be?

Will he be glad or mad?

Will he jump in joy or crouch in horror?

She picked the tape with the specified date. She put it in the player and waited for it to load. How she wished the tape has what she wants.

There was a scratching sound coming from the monitor. She found herself swaying while walking inside their house. She face-palmed at herself while watching the video. It only contains her clumsiness that time that she was planning on turning it off when a pink haired man gets in the scene.

She blinked rapidly and leaned closer to the monitor. She couldn't believe what she was seeing that she has to rewind the scene where he first came into the picture over and over again. It was Natsu. It was _really_ Natsu who was sitting beside her while she was wiping her make-up off!

It looks like she got him pissed when she didn't accept the tissue he was lending her. She feels overly embarrassed and how she wished she has an idea of what she was telling Natsu that time.

Goodness gracious! Every fall, Natsu always catches her. That simple yet affectionate gesture warmed Lucy's inside. She felt like something glowed and revived inside her. Her hand reached down her stomach to feel her baby. There's no need for any scientific explanation to explain how she can say that her baby is jumping in joy, too. They were one in body, soul and emotion.

Lucy's face heated up when she saw herself undoing the buttons of her clothes in front of Natsu. She then started to unbutton her slacks when Lucy saw that Natsu stopped her. When her drunk self stood up, her slacks fell off. She almost stumbled down in an attempt to pull her slacks off, but Natsu caught her again.

Lucy's jaw dropped while her eyes widen. She couldn't believe that she clung onto Natsu! Where did her courage come from when she kissed Natsu? And she let Natsu see her cry too!

She covered her face because of some undefined feeling that coursed her body. Just then, Natsu swept her off her feet and carried her somewhere.

She couldn't remember any of that. She doesn't want to believe that she did all those embarrassing things in front of him. Does that mean that he was the father of her child? Where did he take her after carrying her upstairs? She picked another tape from the pile, wait for it to load and everything.

She was close to finding out the truth. The screen emitted various colors, forming shapes – defined shapes in human form.

Ten seconds of the actual play recorded was enough for Lucy to know everything.

Those ten seconds explains why she woke up naked in Natsu's bed. Those ten seconds were part of the explanation on why she has bites and hickeys all over her body. Natsu was the one who took her and had given her another life forming inside her womb.

Should she be happy? She wished for it to be Natsu, but what now? This is the real thing and what is the right thing to do next? She thought she'll be happy, instead, fear envelop her.

There were so many doubts clouding her mind. There were unlimited and unwanted ideas running her head.

She doesn't want her child to suffer the same fate with her. She doesn't what her child to know the feeling of having a so-called father, but never being a father to her or him. She doesn't want her precious child to know the meaning of pain and unloving family.

With all her might, she will give her all to be both mother and father to her child. She'll never let anyone hurt her child.

She prays to God the best for her still unborn child.

 **X – X – X**

When Natsu get back home, Lucy was already off to work. His effort of trying to come home early was put to vain that morning.

If only Wendy didn't get sick and Porlyusica wasn't out of town, then he would have spent the night at his own home and watch Lucy silently.

It has become a habit to watch silently at her after everything that has happened. He couldn't say a single word, though. Well, he doesn't have to as long as he could see her perfectly fine. And not seeing how she did last night was truly bothersome.

She bears his child after all.

Walking down the stairs newly dressed, he hopped inside his very own Ford Focus and drive quickly to the company. He parked his car beside Lucy's Audi. There was a space specially reserved for them. He was greeted by their employees, though he only wants to see one particular employee. It was a guy with striking orange hair who wears glasses that was fortunate or _not,_ was Lucy's friend.

He needs to find an excuse. He needs to see Lucy. He needs to see if she was fine. He needs to know if she is with Loke. Putting his things on his desk, he rummaged on the folders to find something that he can present to Lucy.

Upon finding what he needed, he dashed to the door and walked directly to where Lucy's office was located. He stopped in front of the door and was about to turn the knob when he heard Loke's voice.

That made him curse inside. And what the heck was he asking Lucy? Why was he asking Lucy some private matters? What is it to him how Lucy finds him as a person? Why does he care to how Lucy finds him as a man?

He brought his hand down. What is she going to say?

Natsu smirked.

Why was he interested? Instead of barging in, why did he choose to stop and listen to what she will say? He was sure she will say something along the line of 'Natsu was horrible. Natsu was a monster. Natsu is a jerk, an ass and all.'

Name it all. He was prepared to hear everything, though he knows he will never hear the end of it. He readied himself. His sensitive ears were all perked up, waiting for her answer that somehow; though he doesn't know why and how, will prick something inside that was in his chest.

"Natsu was – "

That was it… She was starting and his feet badly want to run, though it seems like they had grown roots to the tiled floor.

"Natsu was kind."

Natsu's eyes widen. He wasn't sure if he heard her right. Did she just say he was fucking kind? When did he show any sign of fucking kindness to her? Wait… Does Lucy know that he was just behind the door and currently eavesdropping on them? What made her say that bullshit?

"He was glaring most of the times, but his eyes were kind and loving. I saw that once when – "

She stopped. Why did she stop? When did she see that kind and loving eyes she was bragging? A warm feeling smacked his chest upon realizing that Lucy notices such little things about him.

"I saw that loving eyes a long time ago, when he was with Lisanna."

A sharp jab of a pointed thing stabbed him from behind, penetrating right through his chest. Hearing her voice full of sadness makes him want to go inside, throw Loke out and hug her. He wants to erase all her sadness away, but he couldn't.

He just couldn't.

How does he look like whenever he was looking at her? Do his eyes hold anything dear and warm? Or maybe he was always glaring at her, just like what she said when she thought he was just her hallucination?

Those eyes that always look at him like he was some sort of a defined abstract, how many times did those eyes cry while he was looking at her like a lion ready to kill?

"He was so cold in the outside, but he really is a warm person inside. He always act like nothing can break his wall, but like every one of us, he also has his Achilles' heel. There are times that I wish I could be like him."

He only hurt her. In what way does she want to become like him? Does she want to return all the pain he gave her? Damn!

"We have problems to face. But he never let his problems affect neither him nor his work. He always finds a way to overcome each one of them. And that is what I admire about him. He can face everything straight on. He has a straight mind, unlike me."

Shit… Lucy doesn't know what she is talking about because she doesn't know that Natsu couldn't face her straight on. After every shit he will put on her, he will walk away. It's not even true that he could always find a way to overcome everything. He doesn't have any idea how he can put her to tell him her condition. How can she admire him when all he did to her was being fucking awful?

Why was Lucy so kind? Why was she so damn understanding?

When he couldn't dwell on his own feelings alone anymore, he will do what he always do – which is to run away. Lucy was wrong when she said that he doesn't let his problems affect him.

His problems were too much he could die of it.

And to think that most of his problems were coming from her, Lucy was his death.

Slowly, Lucy was killing him in a way he never felt before.

 **X – X – X**

Bearing his surname, Lucy was happy. But bearing that surname means loads of responsibilities.

When he's not around, she has to replace him. She has to do everything he leaves behind. She does all of them not only because she was a Dragneel, but also because she wants him to notice her efforts. Though she doesn't know if he ever notices her.

Another day was going to end without Natsu in the company. She wonders how he is.

Walking in the parking lot, straight to her Audi, she saw the Ford Focus beside her car, but her mind didn't register that it was Natsu's car.

She inserted the key to turn the engines on, but the car only made a hoarse sound. She tried again, but it only repeated the sound until it completely shut off. She checked the gas meter and just her luck!

No gasoline.

She stepped outside the car, opened the door at the back and retrieved her things back. She was left with no choice, but to commute. Turning around, she saw Natsu leaning his back on his car.

How could she not notice that that was his car? How could she forget that there was a space reserved for them? Oh, right… It was all because of work.

She bowed a bit in his direction and slammed the door close. She turned her back on her to go home when he speaks.

"Run out of fuel?" He asked and then paused.

"Hop in. I'll take you home."

She literally stopped on her tracks. Is it just another sweet _act?_ Was it all an act? Is he going to say something hurtful after that again, like what he did before?

She smiled foolishly to herself.

Does he know how hard she restrained herself not to ask him if he could give her a ride? She will only embarrass herself if ever she does that knowing that he won't agree. And now he was telling her to hop inside his car so he can take her home.

He has no idea how much she was yearning for that. But what will happen after that? What is he going to call her now? A bitch or a slut?

"Are you going to get in or what?"

She turned around.

"Sorry. I'll just commute."

"Right. Commute with all that stuffs?"

"Then I'll call Macao."

Natsu smirked. He then walked to the other side of the car, to the passenger seat.

"Macao is off. Son is sick."

Lucy's face paled in color.

"So?"

"Sorry for the trouble."

She walked beside him and opened the door at the back. She was about to get inside when Natsu opened the door beside the driver's seat.

"I'm not your fucking driver."

"I'm sorry."

"Your every sorry are so damn annoying. Don't you know how to say thank you?"

Lucy didn't speak. She was right. After a kind gesture, he will hurt her again by saying something. It's a good thing that she didn't get her hopes up for the umpteenth time again. He wouldn't know the reason behind her every sorry.

He wouldn't, unless he starts dropping a notice on her.

"Okay…"

Natsu sighed.

"Get inside. Put your things at the back."

Lucy did as he says. He starts the car once he sat beside her.

"Th ––Thank you." Lucy said to which Natsu made a lop––sided smile.

They were quiet the whole ride. Lucy was savoring the feeling of being inside Natsu's car, not knowing if that is gonna happen again. No one knows what is running in his mind and Lucy wasn't sure if she wants to know.

That was the first time in history that Natsu gave her a ride home and honestly, it was strange.

It feels strangely alright. There was no trace of negative vibes inside the car. She feels at ease and she wonders if Natsu is feeling the same way.

All throughout the ride, she was leaning her head on the back of her hand that was leaning by the window. But that position changed when the car suddenly stopped in a rough way.

"Sorry." He muttered while looking her way. His left hand reached out to her, but it didn't touch her. It was just in front of her like shielding her from any damages.

Lucy couldn't say she wasn't feeling safe with his small gesture. But she got alarmed when she noticed where his hand was directed. It was in front of her stomach.

Does he know? Was that the reason why he is acting nice to her all of a sudden? If so, until when is that attitude going to last?

"Are you going drop anywhere first?"

That made Lucy snapped out of her reverie.

"I was planning on going to the supermarket." She whispered.

"Okay. We'll go there first."

"You don't need to. I don't want to bother you."

Natsu made a U – turn despite of Lucy's earlier protest. He wasn't seeing her as a bother. At least, not that day. He doubts if she will ever be one.

Lucy sighed in defeat and turned to the other side again. She doesn't want to think that Natsu was making up for everything. But what could have really driven him to be nice to her that day?

She was going to buy something she was craving for, but how could she buy freely when he was with her? As she pushes her own cart, Natsu will put whatever he sees.

There were apples, pineapples, lychees, mangoes; he almost put every kind of fruit inside the cart. When she put a junk food inside, he changed it with bread – different types of bread.

When she put a cola for him to repay his earlier kindness, he replaced it with milk and yogurt.

Lucy has to blink her eyes at everything that was happening. But she has to refrain herself from hoping again, afraid that she will fall from something so high down to the concrete and burning road that will just keep her tears from rolling.

If she has to set aside the damn feelings and just use her senses, they look like a normal couple. Only, it was a picture, no reality in it.

When Natsu grabbed several large Piattos, Lucy almost drool. That was her favorite snack and she was dying to have that right now. She watched as Natsu put them on the cart. She was silent – silently drooling. She pouted and then suddenly heard a snicker.

She looked up, eventually meeting his gaze.

It was a 'holy shit' for Lucy seeing Natsu smile at her. Or could it be just a hallucination? He wouldn't smile at her, would he? He was mad at her, wasn't he? His every smile was only for Lisanna. Damn. Why was he looking at her like that?

He was just making things difficult for her. She doesn't want to think that he was finally noticing her presence. She was too damn afraid to believe that he was falling for her.

If those weren't true, she doesn't know what she will be like after knowing that.

What was that look then?

She has to shake all those thoughts away. She couldn't be thinking of anything positive. She will just get hurt. The baby might feel the pain too.

But she couldn't reprimand herself not to think of something better. With all she had experienced before, she should have learned something from them. But in the end, her feelings will prevail over what her mind shouts.

Looking away, her chocolate orbs met directly with gummy bears. It looks inviting. Piattos forgotten.

She wants that. She walked over the waiting last pack of the gummy bears, but before she could grasp it out of the hook, little hands reached them.

 _"Thank you Mom!"_ A voice of a little child echoed on her ears.

Her baby wants the gummy bears too!

"Oi, what are you looking at?" She heard Natsu's voice.

"Nothing. Sorry."

"Hurry up. I don't wanna get caught up in the line."

"Yes."

She was done picking up what she wants, or more like, HE was done picking up what he wants. They went to the cashier. She watched the monitor as it flashes every item Natsu put in the cart. Surprisingly, it was all that she needs.

Her mood changes again. If she was feeling anxious a while ago, it was completely different now. She feels generous.

She reached for her wallet to pull out a card, but Natsu beat her to it. Everything goes on, leaving her dwelling on Natsu's behavior.

Natsu carries the bag. She should be the one holding them, but she doesn't have the confidence to pull it away from him. Fear of ruining the mood was what keeping her from speaking to him.

They passed by a Tea Store – Happy Leaf. They were selling Natsu's favorite drink. If she would buy him one, she wonders if he would drink it.

Lucy felt tired after walking round the mall. It wasn't helping that Natsu was walking too fast.

"Wait." She said in a moderate tone.

Natsu looked back at her running form.

"What? Tired already?" He asked.

But as soon as Lucy reached him, he started to walk at a slower pace nonetheless. He put the bag on the back seat. Lucy was already seated in the passenger seat.

Before starting the car, his onyx eyes noticed something in the drink holder. In the drink holder of the car, there sits a bottle of his favorite drink. He smiled at the thought of Lucy buying him one, though he didn't let her see that.

With that, he started the car. He would steal a glance at her every now and then. She wasn't speaking. Most of the times, he was the one insisting a talk and she would rudely end the conversation with either YES or SORRY.

He feels sorry for her. Maybe, that was a side effect of the manipulating ground she grew up. Who says being rich is easy? It wasn't.

Every day was a battle of what you want and what your parent wants. And he lost his freedom when his parents died. Lucy cried when her mom died. They lost someone dear to them, but unlike her, Natsu didn't let anyone dictate him. That is where they were different.

But even though they lived in different ways, he could say that somehow, Lucy is strong. She was still there beside him despite of his rudeness. She was still able to smile outside after every frown that she makes in her old home – together with her father.

Lucy was strong to keep on holding on to their marriage. He doesn't know what was keeping her from letting go, but if he would just be honest to himself, he was actually glad that she wasn't still giving up on him.

She was a lot different from Lisanna. But who knows of their differences? He never paid too much attention to her.

But even though that was the case, he knows when she lies. He knows when she's not alright. It's a weird feeling, but at the times that Lisanna wasn't there, Lucy shines. But whenever he will remember what she did to separate him and Lisanna apart, the spotlight eventually dies.

Could Lucy really separate them apart? She was never the type to break relationships.

Everything is different now, though. A lot has changed. Along the changing time, waves of the tickling clock were pushing him to the shore of a different timeline.

One day, he just found himself lost in an alien place, with only the alien feelings toward Lucy with him.

"Lucy…"

She didn't answer, indicating that he was right. She fell asleep.

By fatherly instinct, he reached his hand over her stomach. He doesn't know anything about being a doctor of pregnant women, but by simply putting a hand on her slightly swollen stomach, he knows there is a life growing inside her.

That was his child. He couldn't suppress his smile.

But the fact that Lucy wasn't telling him anything was one thing. Does she not really intend to tell him because of everything he did to her?

That was a frightening idea for him.

They reached their home. Natsu didn't wake Lucy up; instead, he carried her to her room.

Laying her gently on the soft mattress, he made a silent promise not to let the child inside Lucy's womb to experience the same fate they had experienced – and that was to lose parents and know the meaning of sadness at such an early age.

As he closes the door, Lucy purred in her sleep. She was dreaming again. It was Natsu again.

This time, Natsu brought her to her room. He was whispering words to her stomach, to which she assumes he was talking to her baby. He looks so kind and loving – a face she had never seen after a very long time. It was refreshing to see it again, though it was only a dream.

Kissing her baby, which means kissing her stomach, and running his fingers on her forehead, he walked away after that. He walked away and left Lucy longing for more – IN HER DREAMS.

She slightly woke up when she heard the door shut close. For some reason, her forehead feels warm, and her stomach was at ease.

But that remains a feeling. She had never thought more of it. Tiredness was consuming her body. Sleep was pulling her to her dreams.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. The second half here.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Chapter 10**

Natsu's scent was bothering Lucy again. It wasn't because she finds the scent awful, it's the opposite actually. How she wants to yank him down and sniff him to death!

But why the sudden change of perfume? She wished she knew. He smells like a baby. It's not a perfume actually. It smells cologne, refreshing cologne. He smells like a girl.

So that is what he's going to do after pulling that act yesterday. He was going to silently scream that he spent his night somewhere with another girl. Was she not enough? She couldn't really give all his needs, could she?

If she was satisfying and beautiful enough as a wife, he would not look for another girl to sleep with. But who was she kidding? She doubts if he will look at her even if she is damn satisfying and beautiful. He will never give her the wife treatment.

He may have taken her twice, but that was it. There was no love in it. That was nothing, merely a sex for him. And maybe in the days to come when that will happen again, it will happen in the same way. She would cry of the lack of feelings while he was doing what is gonna make him comfortable. And then after having what he wants, he will leave again.

She thought not consummating their marriage was already painful, but it wasn't painful enough when she comes to know how painful it is for your legal husband to take you with no passion – no love. Maybe, he was just badly itching to bang someone and she was there by chance.

She felt like she stooped lower than the lowest thinking of that. She sunk lower than those girls who were forced to sell their dignity for money. She was taken for granted. Maybe his girls were silently laughing at her for being the lowest of the lowest. They must be laughing and making fun of her. They were drowning in fake sympathy for her due to the fact that Natsu has to run to them for something that she can give.

That was heartbreaking.

And in return for his selfish actions and desire, he gave her another life to live.

But she won't still have his heart. He just made it clear through that cologne. What do his bitches have that she doesn't?

Is she hard to fall in love with? Is she that easy to hurt?

To be honest, she prefers his old scent. She loves that. It was a part of him. She was the one who told him to use that particular perfume when everything was still fine between them. He was so manly with his old perfume, one of the reasons why many girls are drooling for him. And now, he changed it. If his girls were laughing at her, she could laugh at them too. They were all the same.

Like her, Natsu won't ever love them. He was just using them for his needs. They were nothing to him, just like her.

If she's just a so-called wife, they were just a fling.

There are no feelings.

That's where they're the same.

"Thank you for the ride." She whispered before opening the car's door.

"I'll go somewhere." He quickly informed.

That made Lucy wonder why he has to tell her first. Does he mean to say that he's going to one of his girls?

She couldn't feel a thing, though.

"Okay. Thanks again."

Before completely opening the car's door, her eyes caught a glimpse of the drink she bought for him. It was just a bottle.

A roaring cascade of warm water flowed inside her chest. She feels like she was listening to her favorite song that never ceases to ease her soul, only was she staring at the bottle.

One second she was a lost kitten in search for her mother, then a second after that, she turned into a hatchling in delight upon seeing her mother with a food in its bill.

Getting off his car, she turned away after murmuring "Drive safely," in which Natsu nodded his head in return. Though Lucy couldn't see it because she wasn't looking at him.

That was a nice gesture to accept what she had given him, and to think and assume that he's going to one of his girls, damn, it hurts.

When she was inside her office, her tears started rolling down her rosy cheeks.

She thought it wouldn't hurt knowing that he'll be off to some other girl again. She convinced herself that it wasn't painful anymore, but it was.

Lately, she feels like he's been changing his attitude towards her. She thought he was starting to act nice towards her finally. She thought, their old friendship was coming back to life. If friendship was all fate could offer, what more could she ask for?

She doesn't want him hating her forever. If he will keep that strong and sinful feeling inside, it will just be a burden to him. Hating will do him no good. To be hated will do no good either. Every night, she couldn't sleep well knowing that the person she loves hates her in return.

It's hard to accept the truth that he will never be hers. He may not love her, but at least, there was a 'ship' connecting them. It may not be the relationship she wanted, but to know that somehow, he wants to be friends with her again, she will accept it with all her heart.

She thought he was offering friendship.

Without her consent, she hoped again.

And now that it was crushed, it was an old, same story, repeating over again.

She saw him with his flings before. She thought she already got the hang of it. She thought she would never get affected again. She thought it was alright. But it was not. As long as her feelings were alive, it was not alright.

If her feelings won't die, she will just feel the same. She had already given up. She had given him what he badly wanted, but he refused to sign them. Should she give him a copy of the divorce paper again?

He will just burn it again, so it will be a waste of time. She was a dove in a locked cage. In her current case, she wasn't a pure, white dove anymore. She was more like a stained dove. A dove stained with tears and blood, a dove used in the circus for playing tricks to other people. Yes, she was really that stained dove whose purpose was to serve their master in fooling other's imagination – she was a tool to perform optical illusion and for moneymaking.

When will she get free of her chains? Whenever she tries escaping, the chains will just pull her back. When her masters treat her nicely, it will turn out not the way she thought it would be. When she will behave, no one will notice. She would try to act nice, but they would put malice in it.

The idea of offering Natsu a divorce paper comes to her mind again.

She realized that it wasn't the tears that make us stronger. It is the pain that molds us to be tougher than before. It wasn't the mistakes that make you wiser, heartbreak was what makes you. Tears make you braver. They filter your eyes to see the truth that the stained eyes cannot see. And when you see the truth, you become brave to face it with everything you've got. Mistakes were her forefinger that points where she has to turn when she makes the wrong choices. Mistakes are the proof that she was trying.

She tried. She never quits trying. But if you would hurt yourself in every try, should you just stop? Maybe, that was a good option. What choices does she have? Does she have another thing to consider? There was nothing.

And with nothingness, she will start something.

The question is, can she?

She prayed to God for a little more time. She needs time to understand everything.

Wiping her tears away, Juvia with her swollen stomach came inside with worry in her eyes.

 **X – X – X**

Natsu entered the company.

He readied himself for work smelling like a newly born infant, only to smell like a warrior after getting back from the car shop where he brought Lucy's car for fixing.

He made up his mind. He couldn't bear everything he's keeping inside anymore. He will give Lucy the real piece of his mind – and his heart. He will tell her everything, starting from Lisanna, to the marriage, his foolish actions, fake flings, taking her and her pregnancy. If only guilt doesn't exist, he would have confronted her with that, weeks ago.

He will ask her the meaning behind her kissing him. He wants to know the real reason behind her tears. He wants to know everything.

He had never felt so confused before.

While half – walking and half – running, he bumped into someone.

"Sorry Sir." Loke bowed his head.

"Where are you going?" He asked in a low and serious voice.

Looking at his hand, he was holding a pack of sushi.

"I'm just going to give this to Miss Lucy, Sir."

"I think you're awfully mistaken Loke. It's Mrs. Lucy and Ma'am Lucy Dragneel at work. Should I give you a lesson first?" He snatched the sushi from him, gripping tightly on it. He made sure to put emphasis on his surname. Annoyance was overpowering him.

"I'm sorry Sir."

"Don't you have a wife and a kid? Why don't you just give them the extra attention you're showering Lucy? Lucy's not your damn wife! You don't suit her!" He said through gritted teeth.

He was mad that he couldn't think first before letting his words out of his mouth. All he wanted that time was to make sure Loke will get, understand and do what he wanted to say and make him do.

But the latter just gave him a smirk that pissed him more. That moment on, he knows they weren't talking as someone with names or someone who has something anymore. Their conversation has turned into a man to man talk and when a man talks, they do it with fists.

"You think you deserve somebody that is Lucy? Do you know who you are? Just a Dragneel with a rotten attitude while I'm Loke, her best friend. We are never the same Dragneel." He spat his name with venom as if trying to kill him with his tone of voice.

"Damn you!"

In a rapid blink of an eye, Loke was seen struggling to stand up from the floor while rubbing his bleeding lip corner. As soon as he was on his feet again, Natsu strikes again. Loke didn't let him hit her. Pulling his right arm behind to increase momentum and enough power, he pushed his arm forward, hitting Natsu in his gut.

Natsu made a step back.

They continue hitting one another.

"Stay away from her! You hear me? Stay away!" Natsu gave him a blow on the face again.

Loke did the same with a smirk while trying to answer his statement.

"I won't until she doesn't leave you moron! You're no good for her!"

"SHUT UP!" Natsu couldn't control himself anymore.

Every punch, he meant it for Loke to take back what he had just said. Every hit, he wants to show him who is stronger.

Through his fist, he was letting his anger out with every illegal punch. What Loke said was true and he couldn't accept that it was all true. It made him think again if he should talk to her.

One last hit and Loke landed on the floor. Everyone was just staring, afraid to meddle in between. Gray and Gajeel came into view.

Loke stands again. No one was backing out. This time, someone was holding them back. Their anger was getting the best of them that even Gajeel and Gray couldn't do a thing. They were sent flying backwards.

Their eyes only hold one kind of emotion – anger to one another.

One hit and they both fell to the floor.

" **WHAT'S THIS?! STOP!"**

Natsu's clock stopped tickling upon hearing that voice. Gray, Gajeel, Juvia and who knows who, surrounded him.

His sensitive ears caught up the familiar noise of her shoes. The owner of that most beautiful pair of legs was running. He couldn't look at her eyes, though. He doesn't care about the people surrounding him.

He never saw Lucy exchanging glances at their bleeding faces. She was worried for the both of them. But who should she run to? She wants to know what drove them to kill each other and of all places to do it, they've done it inside the company.

Natsu has cuts and bruises on his face. It wasn't many, but it was deep. His left cheek was turning into a hue of purple too. He has a wound on his forehead; a rivulet of blood dripping from it. Lucy trailed her eyes full of worry on his hand that wiped the blood that flowed down his head. How she wants to run to him, but seeing that Natsu has so many people gathered around him while Loke was left alone wiping the remnants of blood away from his lips and cheeks, she ran on to Loke.

She crouched down beside Loke, the man who was always there for her.

"What are you two doing?!" Lucy shouted in fear.

Her hands trembled when they got stained with blood. It was a very frightening sight that she feels like throwing up.

Natsu felt like something stabbed and penetrated deeply right through his chest. It was a heavy feeling. He has no idea how much it weighs or if he could even carry that weight. He felt like he lost. He overpowered Loke, but seeing Lucy ran to him, he felt like he has proven nothing.

He just wanted Loke to stay away from Lucy, but the opposite happened. He has so many things he wants to know, but he doubts if he will ever know the answers to his every question. Fuck. Does that matter now? Right, he is selfish for wanting Lucy to run to him.

While she was standing in between of their sitting form, he prays for her to run to him, lean down and wipe his bloodstained face while asking him in her soft and worried voice if he was okay. Was that too much to ask? He wanted that to happen because if she did, he knows he still has a chance to correct all his mistakes.

He never had it. Lucy ran to Loke. There are lots of people surrounding him, but why does he feel so alone? What was that isolated feeling? Damn, he was awfully hurt. He stands up, but half of him wasn't motivated to do so. He feels so defeated, but at the same time, he feels mad.

Standing up, Lucy shot him a look of pure disgust. Lucy did her best in hiding and pushing the worry behind her eyes. She was worried, but she couldn't say she wasn't mad.

Walking to his standing form, her nose scrunched up at his smell. It made something churn inside her stomach, making her feel dizzy. She was mad and the disgusting thing that her senses received just added fuel to the already burning pit.

"What's your fucking problem?!" She shouted. For once, she was glad she did.

Natsu tidied up his suit after giving Loke a glare. Hearing Lucy shout lit something inside him. It wasn't anger. It was far different from anger, but there was still the element of anger on it. It was fucking jealousy.

He almost crouched down when she yelled, but decided in the very last second to act tough.

"He is my fucking problem! Damn it! I have so many fucking shits!" He shouted back.

Upon seeing the sushi she asked Loke to buy, she snatched it away from him.

"That doesn't give you the right to hit Loke! Get your grip!" Lucy choked on her own words.

Loke walked behind Lucy in an attempt to take her far from Natsu. He was afraid to where their heated conversation might get. Holding her gently in her arm, Natsu pulled her away roughly.

"You don't fucking get in between. We're not done talking!"

Natsu hit him again after taking Lucy behind him, still holding her in her arm.

Lucy tried breaking free from his tight hold, but he was so damn strong.

"Stop it Natsu!"

Lucy couldn't take his smell anymore. He smells like rusted chains and smoke and damn knows what! She would throw out any minute. She doesn't know what was with Natsu, but what matters to her that time was to get away from him.

Pulling her arm back with one forceful yank, she pushed him away while covering her nose. Natsu turned to look at her with surprise completely visible on his face.

"Just…" She can feel the lump in her throat.

"Just fucking stay away from me!" She shouted before running past Loke and from everyone to head towards the toilet.

Loke fixed his suit before grinning.

"I wonder what hurts more than my punch, Lucy running to me, Lucy pushing you away or Lucy commanding you to stay away from her? Damn, the feels."

Natsu glared at him. He fisted on Loke's collar with his two hands.

"Damn you! Shut the fuck up!" He threw him away, not minding whether he lands on the floor or not.

With that, he gets away from the scene.

She just told him to stay away from her. Maybe, he was too late for everything. It's damn hard to do what she asked. He doesn't want to do it, but does he have a choice?

Too late.

 **X – X – X**

Lucy locked herself in her room after that incident. She doesn't really mean what she told him. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Because of her shitty mouth, Natsu won't plan to go home anymore. They would be distant apart.

She feels horrible for running to Loke instead of running to him. Later that day, she was informed by a man from a car shop that Natsu brought them her car for fixing. She was also told that he was the one who fixed most of the parts. He wasn't going anywhere with some random girl. He was being kind, kind enough to fix her car.

And what she did in return was truly not something you could be proud of. Instead of ensuring his safety, she left him alone. She yelled at him and shoo him away. She should have controlled herself. It was just a scent! How could she say bad things to him when she was his wife?

She should have tended his wounds. She should have stood beside him no matter who was at fault. Whether it's Loke or not who started the fight, she shouldn't have cared. She should know better that Natsu wasn't the type to pick a fight first and in a place where he is respected in the first place.

What had she done?

She was always following her heart, so why on earth did she use her mind that time? It wasn't the right time to use her brain. If she just used her heart and run to him, she wouldn't feel guilt and remorse.

What should she do now?

He wasn't going back home and it has been three days. Only if nothing happened between them, she could stay calm knowing that he will always come back whenever he wants to. But that was a fake dream. There's no assurance if he would ever go back and it's all her fault.

"Princess, time for dinner."

Lucy told her no and shut herself in the library. All she could do was work harder. As much as she wants to seek for him, she couldn't find the courage to do it. She was the one who pushed him away and she has no right to get him back. It wasn't like he was hers at the very beginning.

She has to work his part too. It's her responsibility to do so. And if he will hopefully come back, at least, he will come back in a light atmosphere.

It has become a busy day when he left. There are lots of paper to sign, lots of meetings to attend to and lots of office work to finish. Deadlines of whatever was filling her memo.

Loke tried talking to her too, but she just couldn't act well around him. She wasn't mad at him nor was she blaming him for everything that had transpired. Blaming won't do any good. But even so, she couldn't get herself to treat Loke the same way as before. It was kind of awkward to talk to him.

Heck, she couldn't even look him in the eye anymore. Slowly, a thick pile of brick separated them apart. And maybe, that was better. She doesn't want Loke to have problems because of her. He has a wife and Natsu was right when he told her to stay away from him.

All this time, Natsu was just doing what would be the best for everyone. For a moment, she forgot the script that she took time to memorize. She forgot that there were cameras rolling everywhere and they were the actor and actress in the eye of the higher ups.

He was so smart and careful and in one sweep on her feet, she destroyed the drama, the opera they were acting at. It's difficult to think of an answer every time the board of directors of any company will ask her about them and what had happened between them. It's so hard to weave a realistic comeback when she knows what the real thing is. She doesn't know what to say.

Every time they would talk ill of Natsu, she would defend him. But it was all gone futile. She told them she wasn't having an affair, but they will just give her a scrutinizing look. No one believes her. She has decided to just shut her mouth about everything, but her ears could hear it all. Their false accusations, their wrong judgments – everything that could possibly hurt!

Despite of their ill-mannered mouths, they would still invest and were still willing to work with their company. It's because of the money, the name and the success that they were still lingering around them. For that, she's a bit thankful.

If they are gone, her father will surely confine her in an unbreakable chain. And when that happens, her baby will be put in a hard situation.

She was dying of worry to where Natsu might be. The higher ups hardly pressed her for that matter. She has no idea where he went.

She is afraid of what be happening to him. Is he eating well or is he having a good sleep? There were lots of questions bugging her mind about his whereabouts. She was pummeled with so many emotions – guilt, regret, stress, depression, sadness, tiredness, fear, anxiety and such.

Starting the fourth day of Natsu's absence, she was always gloomy. She loss weight and got thinner despite of her sudden bloating due to pregnancy. She doesn't feel like eating at all. Natsu's mom once visited their house and upon finding that her son was gone, she received a severe scolding. She got slightly sick, but recovered quickly nonetheless. She couldn't be sick.

She should stay healthy for the company. She was also starting to neglect her child's need by accident. When she will crave, she will strongly restrain herself not to stop working. Every second counts. The baby's safety all depends on how she works now. If her father would know about her baby too, chances that he will take the baby away from her to train for business. She has to sacrifice what she thinks is needed for the better.

Everything she does wasn't all for her, it was for the others, but mostly was all for her baby and her dream family.

She was walking like a cat in the hallway down to Gray's office. She has something to get from him – about work. What else would it be?

"Natsu met up with Lisanna." She heard his voice loud and clear.

"Really? Did they already fix everything between them?" It was Gajeel.

"Yes."

Not wanting to hear more of their conversation, he accidentally shut the door close. It made a sound that made Gray and Gajeel got alarmed.

"M – Ma'am Lucy…" Gray stuttered.

"Yes. Sorry, I didn't mean to listen."

"It's not what you think Ma'am." Gray made a step, making Lucy take a step back.

"It's alright. What matters most is that Natsu is safe. I couldn't ask for more knowing that he is perfectly safe and sound." She smiled at them, though she could see it in their eyes that they weren't convinced.

Turning her back on them, she finished everything that has to be done that day and dashed to their house. Their house wasn't a home anymore.

It was dull, lonely and lifeless. There were no people around. Even Virgo, Lyra, and Macao weren't there. Her two friends had a day off while she learned from Natsu that Macao's son is sick.

It was just a house with furnitures. She was the only living being inside, she and her baby. Such a shame for those who worked hard to complete their house. Their sweats were for nothing.

Of course she wasn't alright. She just learned that Natsu met up with Lisanna. And surely, that was the reason why he wasn't going back. He found the girl who could set his heart into different kind of motions.

Maybe they were happy by now. They must be drowning in each other's hug and smile. They must be telling how they missed each other, confessing how much they love each other. At last, Natsu will smile again. The picture of Lisanna and Natsu, running away together come into her mind. Although it hurts to know that she was left out, she won't do anything to destroy their happiness.

But damn, it hurts. It just fucking hurts. Even though it hurts to think, and even though it is hard to believe and accept, his feelings weren't for her. But what could she do? She gave him her one and only 'I do,' but the real couple here is them.

If she was Lisanna, would he notice her? If she was her, would he give her the love she was begging for? What does Lisanna has that she doesn't?

She knows he didn't notice the fact that she was just there, waiting for him to love her. She was always waiting for that time to come. She thought she could wait forever. Why couldn't he notice that she was always right there waiting for him to come back?

Will the time that he will find her, search for her and come back to her come? She had hoped, but it wouldn't happen now. All those two years of hoping that he could love her too was gone for nothing. He was the only man he loved like that.

She wants to forget everything, but would anybody tell her how? How could he forget him when he left her a trace of himself?

Sitting at the poolside, she let her legs dangle down the cold water, not caring if she would wet her clothes. It was still bright outside despite of the time.

Reaching a hand over her stomach, she made soothing circles on it. She didn't notice the tears that freed out her tear duct.

"Sorry that I can tell your father about you, okay? Mommy was just afraid that Daddy will deny you as his child because – "She wiped away her tears.

"Because Daddy doesn't love Mommy. She loves another girl. But your father is a kind person. Actually, he fixed mommy's car. He just couldn't love me, so don't get mad at him, ok?"

If he knew and started to act nice towards her just because she was carrying his child, what will happen after the child is born? Is she going to be a trash in his eyes again? She was so tired of being a trash being dumped over and over again.

It doesn't matter anymore though. As long as he could be a father to his child, it's enough. If he could love their child, then everything is fine. She won't wish something for herself anymore. It won't come true anyways so she should better stop wasting her time.

"If ever your father loves you, could you do me a favor?"

She splashed some water away from her. She doesn't know if she's going insane or what. She just wants to let everything out.

"Could you tell your Daddy Natsu that I love him? Could you tell him that even though he won't love me, I will still love him? Please tell Daddy that I had never stopped loving him even though loving him hurts so much. Tell him that I tried to forget my love for him, but I just can't because forgetting him means killing my heart. Could you do that for me?"

And as if the baby asked her why, she smiled a sad one after answering her imaginary question.

"Mommy has a feeling that she would never get the chance to tell him that… _anymore_. So please, grant me my wish when you're born."

Only one person could heal the scars. But she knows it too well that her scars won't heal. She tried smiling to stop her tears from falling, but her tears will flow nonetheless. That was a metaphor of her undying love for him. Suppress your feelings and it will only get stronger. The time that it gets stronger, expect the pain to be much more worse than the worst.

Her tears were a sign that she couldn't handle the pain anymore.

Maybe, it's better if she just didn't live. How can love make you feel so alive and dead at the same time?

With all the loneliness, the feeling of solitude, heartbreak, she couldn't feel her baby inside her anymore. But she knows the baby is just there. She was just too numb to feel a thing anymore.

Her once innocent life far from pain got broken when she comes to know the meaning of love. When water falls from the river, it becomes a waterfall. When you drop a tear on the ocean, you can never get it back anymore. You won't know where it is. The blue waves of the cascading water pushed by the strong wind turned red. As blue turned into red, light becomes dark.

 _"Help…"_

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. The second half here.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Chapter 11**

It might have been four days since he left, but the pain of seeing Lucy ran to Loke still bothers Natsu. It was like a wound getting salted to no end. That pricks his heart continuously. To add to the mysterious pain he is feeling, having Lucy told him to stay away from her, it hurts so bad.

He thought there was nothing more painful and difficult than Lisanna telling him to move on, but damn was he wrong. Staying away from Lucy is so difficult to do, much more difficult than moving on to Lisanna.

"What should I do now? He asked himself while staring at an empty field he happened to pass by.

He wants to go and see Lucy, but will she want to see him too? It's rather strange for him to feel and think things like that. He couldn't do a thing but to follow what she told him to do. He doesn't want to do it. He really doesn't like to do it, but what should he do? What could he do?

Staring at the dandelions swaying at every gush of the wind, it made him remember Lucy's golden hair swayed by the wind. She is beautiful. She is always beautiful in his eyes. He just doesn't have the guts to tell it to her.

He couldn't get her out of his mind now.

"Damn…" He silently cursed.

She is so beautiful yet why does she have to hide a smile? Why does she have to fake her every smile? She is so damn beautiful to even cry.

Up to that moment, he still doesn't know the reason for her tears. He feels guilty and bad everytime he will see her red eyes, nose and cheeks – signs that she cried. A part of him wants to tell her not to cry before, but things have changed.

He wants to hug her and be with her now. And not being able to do it, it is just so fucking hard like a punishment.

He wonders if the car was sent to her already. At that time, he was really glad. For once, he felt proud of himself for doing something beneficial for her. He couldn't forget everything that ran through his mind that time.

It may sound sissy, but while fixing her car, he was thinking of her possible reactions. Her possible smile, her hug and all, it was all what makes him motivated to do well with her car. Then she would cook dinner and smile. He will talk to her about things they had never talked about. And slowly, she will confide her every secret to him. He will listen to her and wipe her tears if ever she cries because she is a crybaby. And as things are going fine and smooth, as they starts to go along well with each other, as they learn more things about each other, she will tell him about their child and that would be the merriest day of his life. He will be with her all the time, and every difficult thing and feelings he is dwelling inside will be gone. He will make her happy, smile and laugh always and with that, he will be happy too.

But it was all just a fucking thought, a fucking dream, a fucking hopeless wish.

They say if you do a good turn to anyone, good things will come your way. He did one for her, but why did he get something worse in return?

"Well, I guess my sins weigh heavier than the good things I did, huh?"

That is, if he ever did something good on her. He intentionally hurts her and he's regretting every single stupid thing he had done to her.

Right that moment, he is torn between two choices. Go to Lucy and fix everything or Stay away from her like what she had just told him to do. It is fucking annoying to always get in between of two choices you don't know whether which one is the better choice.

Why does he even have to be always caught in between of two clashing matters? First, it was with Lisanna's moving on or holding on. But that was an easy one. His current situation is so hard.

He couldn't afford to get selfish. He was always selfish with her, but that was before. Something clicked inside him. To when it happened, he doesn't know. All he knows is that one day, he woke up being enveloped in different feelings; much stronger feelings than before.

And seeing Loke getting all mushy mushy with his wife pushed him to his limit. He is really pissed. With everyone, Lucy always has to think twice before smiling, but with Loke, she isn't hesitating a bit. She is always true to herself whenever she's with Loke and it's pissing him off on how another man can bring the best out of his wife.

It just sucks. It shouldn't happen. It is not even allowed happening. Making her happy is his job.

Natsu throws pebbles everywhere. What sucks more than Loke is the fact that he couldn't understand everything. He couldn't do what he wants. He feels like there is an invisible chain binding his feet so he won't get near Lucy.

He feels like punching someone, anyone…

He is so tired of over thinking. Company, BoD, Porlyusica, Jude, Lucy and their baby.

How can he make everyone be as one? How can he make everything right? What should he do?

Without Lucy, he doesn't know anything anymore.

Without Lucy, he feels lost.

Without Lucy…

Nothing is what awaits him.

Go or stay away?

Fix everything or leave everything?

"I wish I know the answer." He muttered to himself before receiving a phone call.

It was an unregistered number. Picking it up, he greeted the caller lively as if nothing was going on with him.

"This is Natsu Dragneel speaking."

"Yes, hello."

Natsu furrowed his browns upon realizing it was a man.

"Who's this?"

"Lisanna's husband."

He was silenced. Is another problem rising up? Good! Because of that, he's going to get crazy. There is no chance in asking Lucy's forgiveness anymore.

Damn!

Why is everything being thrown to him?

"I called not for a problem. Lisanna asked me to relay a message for you."

For a moment, he felt relieved it wasn't something bad.

"Why? Where is she?"

"Cooking lunch. So, she wants to meet with you today at our house. She has something she forgot to tell you last time – "

"Wait, are you okay with this? Aren't you mad or pissed or jealous or any shits?"

There was a short and restrained laugh on the other line. Is there something to be laughed about?

"Why would I? I'm confident that my wife loves me more than you. So it's fine. I'm just helping her with her past problems with you. I think she's gonna talk about your wife, Lucy."

Lucy's name rings throughout his head.

"What about her?"

"I don't know. Just come here and talk to her. I'll be gone later too for work."

"Alright. Th- thanks."

"No need for stuttering dude. No need to get awkward with me."

"Okay. Gotta go there."

As soon as he ended the call, he runs back to his car from the field of glowing dandelions.

He wasn't stuttering that time. It only happened that that time when he was saying thank you, he felt a very bad feeling. It came through his chest, a vibration that got his body trembling. He felt himself shook that he almost dropped the phone in fear.

He suddenly got scared.

Resting a hand on his chest, he shakes his head.

"It's nothing."

Before completely hopping inside his car, he took one stem of the said flower with him.

Driving in a speed he thinks is enough so he can get fast to Lisanna, the feeling of fear was still resting on his nerves.

Lisanna has something to tell her about his wife. What could it be?

He still couldn't get what her man told him about confidence. Is he the only idiot existing in the world? Confident that Lisanna loves him more than Natsu that's why he isn't a bit jealous? What does that even mean? How will you know if someone loves you?

Does Lucy love him? If Lucy is going to tell him she loves him, would he gain that confidence too?

"Confidence… I have bigger problems to even spare a second thinking of that damn confidence!" He hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hands.

But deep inside him, he's jealous of Lisanna's husband. Not because he is Lisanna's husband, but because he has that darn confidence with him.

Parking his car somewhere near the gate, he steps out of the car and quickly rings the doorbell.

This is it.

 **X – X – X**

He is inside their house for like ten minutes now. As time goes by, the vibration inside his chest goes louder and louder.

"So, how's Lucy?" Lisanna asked in her sweet voice.

He is slightly wondering if Lisanna holds grudge against her wife for what happened before. About her question, he remained quiet. It was a question he doesn't know the answer himself.

Is she not fine like him? If so, he prays for her to be fine and just let him suffer whatever she is suffering now. If that would keep her and their baby from danger, he would offer everything he has.

Sure, he isn't talking like his old self anymore, but who fucking cares? Everyone goes through a stage where they will become mature to not let everything get into their nerves.

He is changing.

But still, he couldn't answer.

"Are you two… not in good terms?" Lisanna asked in a sad voice.

Slowly, Natsu nodded his head.

"But you know… Lucy is so kind."

"Aren't you mad at her or anything?" He asked.

It's weird, but he thinks he has finally moved on, for real. It was like nothing has ever happened to them. The feelings before were all gone. Every piece of longing, missing and loneliness, everything is gone.

But after all of that has gone away, something worse replaced it.

"Why would I get mad at her? Didn't you know?"

"Know what?"

Lisanna's brows meet.

"You mean she didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"She didn't tell you that she's helping us out in secret?"

"Helping you? How? What?"

Natsu asked in confusion.

Suddenly, Lisanna smiled.

"She's so kind, right? To think that she didn't tell you everything she did and sacrificed for us."

Lisanna, once again, smiled like she knows everything. Her eyes were full of admiration.

"Her father is strict. You know that Natsu. Lucy isn't in good terms with her father yet for us, she disobeyed him." Lisanna started the story out.

"What do you mean disobeyed?"

As far as Natsu knows, Lucy can't even dare point a finger at her father. So what order did she disobey just for them?

"Lucy was taking care of us when the Board of Directors did everything to make us poor. It wasn't her father who took what was left for us. Sure, Mr. Jude is a bit rude and cold hearted, but everything has consequences. He forced her own daughter to marry someone he barely knows just to make sure he can please the others. Upon knowing that she'll be married to you, she didn't say a word."

"Yes, she didn't object."

"That's because our life is on the line. She doesn't want to get married to you because you are her friend and she doesn't want to break any relationships, but she couldn't do a thing. She has to do it, or else, The BoD will do something really bad to her, to us…"

Natsu felt cold.

"Her father told her not to be affiliated with us anymore. If she will, then she will lose her inheritance. Her father was just worried for her daughter's life. But she kept coming back to us. We moved from one place to another, but it's useless. She will find us and help us. It's really hard for all of us, but it's harder for her. One wrong move and everything will end."

He still couldn't say a word.

"When she ran out of money, she sold her golden and silver key collection. It was her mother's memento. She really cried a lot on it. She sold it even though we told her not to. And it's just so sad to see her sore eyes. It's squeezing my heart."

With all that, Lisanna shed a tear.

"I told her not to tell you about us, to where we are. She badly wants to tell you, telling me that she'll take care of everything. That she will let us meet. But I refused. And then we moved out to somewhere she wouldn't know. And we succeeded. It's painful. It hurts to go far from a dear friend, but I just couldn't let Lucy do all the work. Lucy has everything on her shoulder."

"Natsu, are you alright? You look pale."

He looks pale. Why wouldn't he? He just learned everything Lucy is keeping from him.

Where is he while everything is happening? Where is he when Lisanna and her sibling's lives were on the line? Where the fuck has he gone off too when Lucy is suffering so much for them? Where on hell did he wonder off when Lucy is all alone, dwelling on everything on her own?

Where is he?

Why didn't she tell him? He could have helped her.

Darn it!

While he is relaxing to some shitty pool, Lucy has to wear a mask to hide everything. While he is acting like a total bastard to Lucy, there she was, receiving and accepting it all. While she is keeping them all to herself, while she is striving to balance everything, there he was, ruining her accomplishments and adding more to her problems.

While she keeps on crying for her fate, there he was, turning a blind eye on her.

He gives her pain, sufferings and all. He couldn't forgive himself. She doesn't deserve everything he had done to her. She doesn't deserve any pain.

Damn it all. Damn money and power! Damn the BoD who acts like they had the complete hold in everything! Why do they have to ruin Lucy's life? Why do they even have to threaten her?

What did Lucy, him and Lisanna do to have a fate like that?

Natsu feels like exploding. There are too many feelings he wants to let go off. He doesn't know where shit to start, but he couldn't hold everything in anymore.

"But I'll tell you a secret. I can see it in her eyes. The way she says your name when she's telling us a story about you, the way she smiles when you do something stupid. It's really adorable. Lucy loves you."

"Lucy also loves me?!" Natsu asked in various tones.

"Yes. Lucy _also_ loves you."

Also…

Also…

He loves Lucy.

He loves Lucy that's why it hurts. He loves Lucy that's why it's so difficult to let go, to stay away from her. He loves Lucy that's why he feels like he is going crazy.

So that explains everything! The jealousy, the fear of losing her, the guilt of making her cry, the difficulty and pain of being right beside her yet he couldn't hold her, it's all because he loves her. And it's fucking amazing and not at the same time.

After all the shit he put Lucy through, does he has the right to have her? Can he love her after making her cry?

It hurts so much.

Why does he have to realize what he feels towards her if it will only hurt him more?

How can love hurt you like hell?

Damn it all…

Why does he have to love Lucy truly? If only he didn't fell in love with her, it wouldn't be so hard to choose staying away from her. It's because his feelings toward Lucy is true that's why it hurts.

"Natsu, tell her. Lucy was longing to hear that from you for a long time now. Tell her that you love her. I can't love you the way Lucy loves you. Please tell her."

 **X – X – X**

Driving back to where his heart rightfully belongs, he caught a glance of the dandelion which reminds him so much of Lucy.

"Wait for me, please."

He hopes it's not too late to make everything right. He hopes he can have her forgiveness. If he has to tell her that he knows about their child, if he has to tell her everything she refuses to tell him, he will do it.

This time, he won't go far away from her anymore. It's his decision. He will not lie down on his back now and get lazy. He will do everything just to make up for everything he did.

He will always tell her that he loves her and their child. He'll gonna make her feel the love he didn't showed him before. For her, he will change.

While driving, he can still feel the vibration inside his chest. It only got louder when he stepped hard on the brakes.

He couldn't wait a second to see Lucy.

The sky was turning gray. The sun is hiding. It only made him feel nervous for some reason. The cold air hitting his skin extracts sweats from him.

Once inside, he saw Lucy on the poolside. She was still on her work clothes.

Upon seeing her, all he wants to do is hug her and say everything he wants to say. But seeing Lucy stumble down when she stands up with her knees shaking erased all of his desires.

The side of the pool to where she was kneeling has turned red.

It was blood.

"Help…" He heard her whisper in such a low voice.

"Lucy!" He called out.

He ran to her side. Tear streaked face was what greeted him. Wiping her tears away, his own tears flowed down.

"Natsu? Is that you?" She held out a hand, to which he grabbed and held tightly with affection.

"Yes, it's me."

She cried again. He kissed her hand and called out for Virgo to ask some help.

"Day off…" She told him.

"Natsu, help me. Please help me. I'm bleeding. Save our baby, please. I – I don't want to lose our baby…" She asked between her frantic sobs.

She was acknowledging him as the father of their child, but right now, their precious child's life is on the line.

Why does everything have to have consequences?

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. The second half here.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Chapter 12**

Natsu called for an ambulance.

He wants to know what happened while he was gone, but there are more important things to do first. On those two years that had passed, he has never been kind to her. And now, to see Lucy begging him to help her, it just simply crushes his heart.

She doesn't have to beg. He will save them no matter what. She doesn't have to act like they were distant apart. He has come to her. He went home, back to where she is because she is who he needs.

Her groans of pain sound worse than her sobs.

He could wipe her tears, but how could he take all those pain away?

"Relax. Breathe in. You'll be alright Lucy. You'll be fine. Everything will be fine, Promise."

"Please…"

The way she is holding onto his shirt, it shows how much it hurts for her. The way her body trembles, he could feel how scared she is to lose their baby.

He is scared too. There are so many possibilities neither of them would want to happen.

While inside the ambulance, she is still crying.

"Shhh… Our baby will be fine. Calm down." He said while holding her hand.

At that time, it was all he could do. He doesn't have any power to stop the pain, to freeze the time nor to return it to when Lucy was still fine. If only he could do it, he will bring it back and do everything he should have done sooner.

He would squeeze her hand, and he would feel her responding by tightening her grip. She needs him. There's no way he's going to leave her again.

"Please, let the baby be safe…"

"Of course. You and the baby will be safe."

Maybe it's really too late for him to realize everything. But he couldn't be more thankful for realizing and learning everything he has known.

He couldn't bear seeing her cry. His feelings have grown deeper for a long time now, making him wonder what has gotten him so blind to see it.

"Sorry, but you can't enter Sir." A nurse stopped him from following Lucy.

"She needs me. I just can't leave her!"

"I'm really sorry Sir."

The door which separates him from Lucy closed.

That time, he felt like everything really closed for him.

He doesn't want to lose any of them. He doesn't know if his heart could bear losing Lucy and their child. He loves them.

He loves them so much it will surely kill him if something or someone will take them away from him.

Second chance…

Would it be too much to ask for a second chance? Would it be wrong to ask for another chance, another lifetime, another tomorrow with them by his side? Would it be wrong to ask for another opportunity despite of the opportunities he wasted? Would it be wrong to wish again if this time, he'll promise and make sure that he'll prove himself worthy of her heart, of her love?

Is he going to lose it all?

Does her bleeding means she's going to lose the baby? Damn it. She might not be able to take it.

There are so many things clouding his mind. He doesn't want to think of anything. It hurts. Everyone, everything is blaming him. Gray, Wendy, Lisanna, his conscience… They were all saying one thing.

It's his fault.

Yes, it **is** his fault.

And for the umpteenth time that day, his tears rolled down his cheeks again.

Fuck it. His tears are merely nothing compared to the tears he made her shed. But it is so hard to stop them. He's worried. If they are going to lose the baby, it wouldn't just kill him. It will surely kill Lucy too. And he doesn't want her to feel any more pain.

She has already suffered a lot. She had enough. She doesn't deserve to get hurt again. She doesn't have to cry again.

"Sir, are you the husband of the patient?" A nurse came out, asking him about that.

"Yes…"

"The patient is on 50-50, Sir…"

Second chance…

Is it too late to ask for another chance?

Second chance is all he needs that time, coming second after the safety of his family – his wife and their child.

"What on earth are you saying?! How come they were on 50-50? This is a hospital! Dammit! Give them to me alive!"

He was shaking the male nurse to death. Though the nurse understands, he couldn't help himself but to get scared.

"The doctors are doing everything Sir. I'll go back inside."

The door closed once again.

He was silent.

What the fuck is happening?

He used to ask himself what more will gods take from him. He used to believe that they enjoy taking everything away from him. His parents down to Lisanna, and now, Lucy and their child. He thought they just like to snatch something important that's why he asked them to take everything away from him except Lisanna.

He's taking back what he said long ago.

Lucy and their child are his everything. He couldn't afford to lose them.

How could he make such a wish?

What should he do to correct everything? If only an angel could descend and tell him what he should do, it must be easy.

He is damn sorry for everything.

He prays to God to forgive him and let his family be safe. He wants them safe.

"You look pathetic Ash-hole"

"How's Lucy-san?"

"Oi, what are you crying for?" Gajeel asked.

"Uh, is Lucy fine?"

The thought of losing them can really bring him to tears. There are chances that she would wake up, there are chances she wouldn't.

"I don't know." He punched the wall beside him.

"Natsu, it won't fight back." Erza reprimanded him.

"Do you know how much I want to go inside and tell her that I'll never leave her till everything's fine?

Everyone was shocked, but decided to keep silent.

"But the door closed for me twice. Do I deserve forgiveness? Why am I so dumb? Why am I so stupid?"

Gray is right when he told him that you'll only learn the value of a person when you are starting to lose them. Just when he is ready to admit her feelings to her, fate rolled in some crazy stunt again.

Is it funny to throw people out to difficult situations?

He was praying intently with his elbows propped on his knees. He is resting his head down to his clasped hands.

He knows the bench isn't the place to pray, but he couldn't go far away from her.

"Natsu, we'll come back again. Everything will be fine." Levy said. And that's the last thing he heard from them.

They were taking so long. What are they even doing to her? It is almost nine. His eyelids were shutting down, but he is fighting the urge to sleep. He doesn't want to sleep, but something is pulling him to sleep. It was like he's going to lose something he should know if he doesn't sleep.

"Save Lucy…"

It was his last word before he fell asleep.

Suddenly, he regained his consciousness.

 **X – X – X**

Laughters from two people filled his ears. There was a tiny and boyish voice, later on followed by a lovely voice that he thinks he heard somewhere.

Opening his eyes, endless green grass welcomed his sight. The cold yet soothing air gives his chest the best feeling.

"You're awake, Da!" He jerked forward when a tiny human form hopped on his back.

Turning his head back, brown irises on a slanted shaped eyes met his own.

"Yo, Da!"

He's quite cheerful. His blonde hair shines under the sun, making him remember someone he still couldn't comprehend.

His tan skin was at level with his own skin.

"Da!"

"Who are you?" He asked after finally getting a grasp of his voice.

"You don't know me?" The boy asked in a sad tone.

He noticed that they somehow, have a similar tone, accent and voice.

Just then, tears pooled the boy's eyes, making him panic to where he is sitting.

"Uh, don't cry on me."

But still, the boy wouldn't stop.

Out of impulse, he grabbed the child under his arm, lifted him up and hugged him.

A gasp escaped on Natsu's mouth. He feels like they are one, but he is still wondering who the child might be.

"Stop crying, okay? Da is here." He said, though he doesn't know why he is calling him Da.

The kid pulled apart and wiped his tears. He smiled before cupping Natsu's cheeks.

"I won't be long, Da. I just have to tell you something Ma told me to tell you." He said.

"Ma?"

"Yeah. Ma."

"Who's your Ma?"

"Secret!"

"Tell me, please? Or maybe, tell me where she is."

"No." He stated firmly. Later on, he cried again.

"You'll just make her cry again. Ma loves you. She always loves you, even though it hurts. I want Ma to smile. She couldn't tell you this and she will never have the chance to tell you how much she loves you that's why she asked me to do this. Why are you making her cry? Don't you love Ma?"

He felt dizzy. Pictures of a blonde girl, a beautiful woman whose smile is so beautiful entered his mind. There were lots of pictures. She got married, and there he was on her side. It made him think if they were married. But why isn't she smiling? The next pictures were Lucy with her fake smiles.

"Lucy…"

It's weird, but he could feel something just by looking at the pictures that were flooding his mind. Pain, betrayal, sadness, name it.

"I…"

"We're going now. It's nice to meet you, Da."

He ran away, and then stopped in front of a tall figure.

"Lucy…"

Her smile. It was something he didn't see for a long time since they got married. Is it going to be the last time he will see it?

Slowly, she raised a hand and waved it.

"Bye."

His eyes went wide. Without his consent, salty waters flowed down like a waterfall down his eyes. He extended a hand, in hope that she will reach it, but she didn't.

"Wait. Don't go!"

She frowns. Brilliant lines flowed down her cheeks.

Tears.

She was crying again.

Is making her cry the only thing he could really do to her?

He felt stiff.

He was just staring while they were walking away from him. They were getting meters and meters apart, she and their child.

He wants to follow them, but he is so scared. He doesn't want to see her cry. He doesn't want to be the reason of her tears anymore. He wants her to be happy.

She deserves happiness.

Let go.

Is it really the only option left?

If he would run to her, would it be better?

Stay away or stay close?

Still, his tears won't stop.

"I love you." He said.

He loves her so much it's so hard to stay away.

Why would he be scared of getting close to her? Why would he be scared of getting her back?

He promised to himself that he would never let her cry again. He made a promise that he will do everything to save her.

He couldn't leave her. She still needs him, and he needs her.

He won't allow the meter distance to turn into something immeasurable.

"I LOVE YOU, LUCY!" He shouted, making her look back.

Just when she successfully looked back, her face met a cloth figure.

"Natsu…"

"I made a promise, right? Do you remember? I said everything will be fine. I'll make everything right. Fight Lucy."

The hug was so warm it defies the cold air around.

In his arms, Lucy feels so sound. She could hear his heart beating so loud.

To have her in his arms, it was like a dream. Though he was really in a dream. Would it be too much if he'll ask for that moment to be real?

There are lots of things he needs to tell her. If only that moment was real, he could talk about it, but not. He is in the middle of fantasy and reality.

Which one is true? If he will wake up, what part of it will become true and which will remain a fantasy?

Which of those pleasant moments is going to remain a dream?

"What was that three words you said?" She asked, not believing what she heard.

"You have to wake up first if you really want to hear it." He whispered in her ears.

Silver dusts floated around. When they looked down on the little kid, who was their child, Natsu was surprised to see him slowly vanishing.

"Hey… What's happening?"

He turned to Lucy.

She is vanishing too. She is turning into specs of golden dusts.

"Where are you going?! Don't go!"

Fear rises again. Just when he can hug her finally, why does she have to go?

"Wake up."

 **X – X – X**

"Sir."

He jolted on his seat.

The first thing he remembered was the dream. It really was a dream.

More importantly,

"How is my wife?"

Anticipation runs through the air.

No words can explain how he is feeling that time. Was it the positive 50 or the negative 50?

Everything is silent. Even his heart seemed to stop beating.

If everything won't turn out good, then he shouldn't have woken up.

What is life if one day, you are just going to wake up with no one beside you? Loneliness will be forever etched at every corner of the room. To wake up knowing that you are alone in this cruel world will be hell.

The pain will surely not subside. Everyday will be longer than normal days. Rainy days will be much lonelier. Sunny days will be hotter than usual. Windy days will just make him feel how cold it is to be left alone.

Is he going to experience that? If so, would it make her happy in return?

He had decided that he will make everything right. But in the end, his mind and heart are still clashing.

And the doctor in front of him isn't still answering. It makes him go insane.

"Doc?"

"They are…"

 _I promise to be a good man. Just please let this doctor say they are fine._

"I must say… Your wife and the baby are so strong."

And just like that, his hope surge up the sky.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. The second half here.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Chapter 13**

When they had finally got Lucy out of the operating room, Natsu had never felt so relieved. She was asleep when they brought her to the room he paid for her. Their friends were all now gone too after they've seen Lucy's fine feature.

It has been a long time since Natsu watched Lucy sleep, and to be able to watch her again just feels so relaxing. The first time he guarded her up during the whole night was after her mother's funeral. She said nightmares were hunting her down and that she couldn't sleep. He doesn't want to watch her in her sleep before, but the tears that crept down her face along her trembling physique caught him weak. At that time, he was glad he listened to his father.

It was that time when he had first seen an angel in Lucy's frame.

And there they were now, Lucy was sleeping again and he was guarding her up, only they have gotten a little older. But despite of the ages that changed them to who they are now, that exact angel who captivated his childhood, is still there. Nightmares weren't hunting her down this time. It was some cruel fate that she managed to overcome alone.

Lucy has gotten stronger.

From the corner of his vision, younger version of Lucy in a black and white background cheerily jumped off the bed.

 _"I have a dream!"_ She said that time.

 _"You didn't get nightmares?"_ Natsu's younger version asked, to which younger Lucy shook her head.

 _"In my dream, you were fighting the nightmares so they won't come in my sleep."_ That was her answer.

It was an answer he didn't know he still remembers, but was glad he did.

 _"So… Did I win?"_

 _"Of course! It's because you're strong!"_

But he was not strong that time. She was…

She can fight everything alone, while he was defeated with only a smile that came from her. He couldn't understand himself back then. He always acts like he doesn't want to get near her, but he really wanted to play with her.

Who is to blame when he will become all fidgety when she is near? He couldn't act his normal self whenever she is around and then there was his father who will tease him endless whenever he will see them playing together.

It is still a wonder how that younger Lucy made him play with her dolls before. She will pretend that she was the girl doll and she will make him handle the male doll. And then he will take his cars and robots and he will pretend that they are the villains in Lucy's made up stories. He? He is the leading man, of course.

But that was all before. When yesterday's film faded away, Natsu brought his gaze towards Lucy again.

She is still strong and she will catch him weak with just a smile. But the smiles that caught him weak weren't for him though. It was for Loke. Whenever she will smile to other guys, it will successfully get him killed, but he was never strong enough to admit it.

But now that he did, can he consider himself strong? Maybe not.

He will only consider himself one when he is certain that he can protect his very own family with his bare hands. It will never be easy given the ground that they are in, but if Lucy can handle everything alone, he will do his best too. He will never let Lucy handle everything alone again.

All he needs is her forgiveness, and after that, he will be never be the same man who only listens to what he wants to hear, who only watch what he wants to see.

He was too young to realize it was a crush back then.

He was too idiot to realize it was love back when.

If she will be willing to start over again with him, that would be one of the happiest day of his life.

 **X – X – X**

Lucy woke up.

The surroundings were somewhat foreign to her. White ceiling and walls, even her bed was white.

She tried to remember everything that happened back then. Closing her eyes, her hands roamed down her swollen stomach. That was when realization hit her.

"My baby…" She whispered.

She pressed her hand a bit harder on her tummy. Good thing is she can still feel her baby inside. She never forgot to thank the gods for saving them.

Small amount of tears escaped down her tear duct.

It wasn't just the gods to thank. Natsu was there too when everything happened. It is because of him that they were safe. If it is not for him, she would have already lost her sanity. She doesn't know if she can take it if her baby will be gone.

She doesn't know the feeling of losing a child. But when she almost lost their baby, she felt so wrecked it was all she could think about. She couldn't get strong. She doesn't know where to grab some hope. When she saw her blood dripping down her own legs, she felt something she couldn't tell.

But he came along and told her that everything will be fine. And yes, it did.

It was just like before when she couldn't sleep at night. It was like when they were kids and still innocent. It was when he promised her one night that everything will be alright even though he won't be staying again that everything really ended up fine.

It is when he makes a promise that he will do it no matter what. She is happy with it.

"Oh, you're awake…" She suddenly heard.

Turning her head to the side, she saw Natsu. She was shocked. She doesn't want to believe that it was Natsu who was standing beside her bed, but her mind couldn't say that her eyes are betraying her. It really is Natsu and he is smiling at her.

She was thinking it must be a dream, but a part of her doesn't want it to be a dream.

"How do you feel? Are you feeling dizzy or something? Does your stomach hurt? Tell me, okay?" He told her.

He was rubbing her stomach so gently she could feel some butterflies do some flip inside her tummy. She was staring only at his face. His voice wasn't the only thing that tells her he is concerned. Even his face tells sign that he also got worried, but his smile is doing a very great job in hiding it.

He then sat down her bed and caressed her face. Still, she was voiceless.

Her heart is thumping madly in her chest. She feels like her ribcage is going to break. Her lungs feel so heavy. The air passing through her mouth cannot seem to reach her heart. There was a lump on her throat she badly wants to take out. And in her eyes, it was something she would only shed for him and her family.

All that feeling she felt, it is all because her tears want to show up. Her tears want to take part in whatever is happening that time.

Suddenly, he bent down. She was too occupied to react. She could feel his lips doing wonders in her own.

She made up her mind. It is really a dream, cause there's just no way that Natsu will kiss her for no apparent reason, right? But it feels so real that she has to close her eyes or else, she will surely look like an idiot when his image disappears.

But the feeling of his lips on hers won't vanish. He is kissing him with gentleness and passion. Maybe she is dead, or maybe, she is being delirious.

When Natsu broke the kiss, Lucy almost convinced herself that everything is just a part of some random dream. But she heard his voice calling out her name.

"Lucy…"

She didn't open her eyes. If it is not going to be Natsu, she doesn't want to open her eyes up.

"Lucy, I'm glad you are safe. You and our baby."

 _"Lucy, I'm glad you are safe. You and our baby."_

 _"Lucy, I'm glad you are safe. You and our baby."_

 _ **"Lucy, I'm glad you are safe. You and our baby."**_

She opened her eyes because of that. His face was hovering on top of her. His hand was still in her hair, caressing it in his way. When he was leaning down again, she closed her eyes, making Natsu stop midair.

Instead of kissing her again on the lips, he kissed her forehead while his hands are caressing either her face or her hair.

Natsu accidentally brushed the intravenous line connected in her hand. It made her wince in pain. It hurts.

She gasped when it hit her.

"Lucy? Are you alright? Are you hurt?" Natsu asked, but she wasn't answering. She was only staring at him.

"The doctor reminded me not to make you tired or stressed. So I appointed Erza to take your position for a year or until you feel like you can work again. And I also called Mama Porlyusica and your dad. I broke them the news!" Natsu told her with a smile.

It was the smile she hadn't seen for so long. And to be able to see it again, to know that everything is real, to feel him beside her for real, it is making her heart beat in joy. She was so happy that her tears started rolling down again without her consent.

The way he holds her hand, how many years did she yearn to feel the warmth of his hand? Ever since they got separated when they were still young, she would always find herself looking for that particular warmth that can calm her nerves. And now, that warmth she was looking for was beyond her reach. No, it was so close.

He is so close she can feel him for real, though everything seems so fake. But it's real.

"Why are you crying?" He wiped her tears.

"Stop crying please. They were happy. And I am happy too when you told me that I am the father of the baby. I am really happy Lucy. Your dad actually teased me, saying that I finally made one." He blushed and smiled shyly.

Her tears won't stop. She wants to stop crying too, but she can't. Natsu hugged her suddenly. She couldn't help, but to cry louder.

"Lucyyy… Stop it, please? Is it because of your pregnancy? Ssshhh… Don't cry. If you're wondering if I'm real, I'm real. I'm not your hallucination." He kissed her forehead again.

To be in his arms, it feels so perfect. Reaching a hand out, Natsu grabbed it generously and squeezed it lightly. Then he hugged her again.

From that hug, she can feel his heart beating in sync with her heart. It feels so weird, but she is happy that she can hear his heartbeats again.

"I'm sorry…" She heard him whisper.

He was about to speak again when she cut him.

"Don't say it again. I have to thank you for saving me and my – "

"Our child…" He corrected her.

"Our child." She said shyly, still not used to that term.

"No, it should be _our child_." He said the emphasized word livelier.

"You got that? When you are saying our child, you should sound happy, just like me." He said like a child.

"O – Okay…"

One second she was repeating the words livelier in her mind, then the second one she was blinking rapidly when all her eyes could see was his shirt. He was hugging her again.

"I'm really sorry for everything… I – "

"I told you not to say it again. It doesn't seem right." She said softly.

"No. I have to do this. I caused you so much pain. I know sorry is not enough, but for now, please accept it. Please Lucy… I am really sorry for everything I did. I promise I'll do everything for you and our family, so please forgive me and I'll make everything fine. I'll do everything I should have done long before. Forgive me. If you can't do that, I am willing to wait. You can hurt me too. You can make me cry or anything, I'll accept it, but please forgive me."

Lucy's tears drip down again, but it is not because of her feelings. She could feel something wet wetting her hospital robe. She doesn't need to ask where those liquids were coming from. The slight shaking of the bigger frame hugging her was enough to know what those liquids were. And those liquids that are coming from him are making her cry.

"Enough Natsu." She said. She brought her arms up and draped it on his back. Slowly, she started rubbing his back to calm him. When she felt him hug her closer, that was her cue to lean her head in his chest – a gesture she had always wanted to do before.

"You don't have to ask me for forgiveness. We're fine. I was never mad at you. I never was."

Starting all over again was never said that time, but it was all they could think. Second chance was what Natsu asked before, and Lucy gave it without second thoughts.

Smiling while keeping the woman who can make him feel various emotions in his arms, he thought of how lucky he was to have her. There is just no way will he waste that chance she granted him.

"I promise I'll make it up to you."

Looking in his eyes, Lucy doesn't have to say a word. When Natsu makes a promise, she knows he will do it. He kissed her temple and made her lean on his chest. Seconds later, she can feel tiredness consuming her body. Sleep was pulling her to dreamland again. She may never want to sleep while in his arms, but she couldn't stop herself.

To sleep in his arms is good, but she would rather be awake than miss the feeling of being in his arms.

Hurt and pain has always been with her, but they were all gone now, like they weren't even been a part of her. She thinks she still has a long way to go to get in his heart, but what she doesn't know is there is something waiting for her once she wakes up again.

Laying her down the bed, Natsu guarded her up for the whole night again.

"I love you Lucy."

Though Lucy won't be able to hear it that time, he will make her hear it one day.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. The second half here.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Chapter 14**

 **It might be the last chapter or second to the last. Depends on how I will end it.**

 **Enjoy! And thank you for sticking up to this story.**

Putting down his pen, he glanced at his cellphone again. Picking it up, Natsu returned it once again right after picking it up.

Changing the cellphone with a pen, his stomach growled – all once again.

Completely submitting himself to the torturous feeling he feels that time, he shut his eyes close and let himself point out what is wrong with him.

Veins pulsated in his temples.

Is it wrong to call Lucy before lunch to ask her if she would want to have lunch with him? He promised that he will do everything to make up for everything he has done, but how will he do it when he barely sees her?

In the morning at breakfast is the first and then the second one is later when he gets home – which will also be the last every darn day. He tried focusing on his work again, which took a lot of effort. It's hard to focus on one thing when his mind is arguing to do two different things. Calling his wife is the thing he really wanted to do, but what if she is busy?

Or what if she doesn't want him to call? But what if she's just waiting for him to call? What if she's also thinking of calling him?

Putting his pen down, he picked his phone up again and stared at her number shown on the screen.

He leaned his head on the headrest of his swivel chair, staring at his phone like his life depends on the large digits displayed on the screen. Making a 360 degree turn, his chair rolled to the side, slightly far from his desk. After that, he did half spins.

When he's on it, his phone accidentally slipped down his hands and fell straight to his face down to his pants.

Groaning while rubbing his pointed nose, he picked his phone up and was about to press the red button when he heard a soft sound coming from the gadget. His eyes literally went wide. His free hand clutched tightly to the arm rest of the chair. His back separated from the backrest.

" _Hello_?" There her voice comes again.

Gulping, he put his phone on his ear.

" _Hello_?" Her voice sounds unsure.

What is he going to say? Hi? Or should he greet her casually and say 'Hey, sup?'

Nah, that's very much inappropriate. Then what?! He's really running out of words. And why does he want to call her again? What was the reason again? God, he should have sent her a message instead!

" _I'm hanging up. You must be busy right now_." From the sound of his voice, he knows she made a smile. But what she said seemed to knock the senses out of him.

"Wait!" He literally yelled; making Lucy put the phone away from her ear for a moment.

" _Okay_." She said softly.

Natsu grew irritated with himself.

"Wait." He said.

Distancing his phone, he sighed and calmed himself. He feels shit. Small treads of sweat were forming on his forehead despite of his low-set air conditioner. Hitting his chest hard, but not too hard to hurt himself, he exhaled in an attempt to calm the elephants thumping in his erratically beating heart.

"Hello?" Natsu greeted.

" _Hello_ …" Lucy greeted in a voice like they were greeting each other face to face. It is so sweet.

"Uh, hi. Uh…" Natsu roamed his eyes everywhere to start a conversation, not minding if he is neglecting his work. Hell, he can finish them anytime.

" _Yeah_?"

This is it. Natsu can't mess this up.

"You see, I was wondering if you would like to eat? I haven't eaten yet. That is, only if you like. Uh, so… Yeah, would you like to have lunch? With me? I understand though if you can't."

Silence answered him.

 _"You haven't eaten?"_ She asked, to which he answered yes.

" _I am actually on my way to the office –_ "

"You do?"

He probably doesn't know, but Lucy is quite happy with the interest and excitement she heard in his voice.

" _Yeah. You see, I cooked a lot and when Mom saw them, she said that they were all your favorite. So, she told me to give you some…_ _personally_. _But if you don't what me to come, I can go back._ " Natsu traced uncertainty and embarrassment in her voice.

"You don't have to go back…" He said. His eyes went wide suddenly when he realized something.

"My mom went to the house?!" He asked with a startled tone, startling Lucy too.

" _Y – Yeah_."

"And she told you to come to me?"

" _Right_ … _But I told you, I can go back._ " Natsu winced a little when Lucy raised her voice a bit. He's not still used to a loud Lucy.

"I said you don't have to. I was just worried of what she might have told you or anything like that. She was not that – "He stopped.

"I was just worried." He said.

" _Thank you._ "

"Be safe, okay?"

" _Yeah_."

Right when the call ended, Natsu felt like he had just won a marathon run.

 **X – X – X**

Lucy had never felt so happy.

She once dreamed of having a meaningful conversation with him, and slowly, it's coming true. They might not be too sweet or anything compared to what other couples talk about, but still, for her, it's fine.

The fact that he is fulfilling his promise, though she wasn't really expecting much from him, she is glad that he is trying. She knows that their baby is what draws Natsu close to her, but there is nothing to worry about.

She can say that she is not afraid to not have him anymore. She almost died and all. Because of her feelings, she almost put their baby's life at risk – well, she already did. And she doesn't want that to happen again.

She never asked for her feelings to be returned, duh? Who is she fooling? When we start to love someone, we will always hope for our feelings to be returned. She might have hoped, but that was before.

There is more to life than hoping and wishing. It can never do good. It will never happen anyways. There are always more days to come. She realized that instead of crying in a corner, she should spend each day in a nice way.

Now that she is on it, what did she do on those days? What did she do on those two whole years? Oh well, she loved Natsu.

Loved, huh? She still loves him, and with his nice gestures, nice treatment, she thinks she is falling in love more. But like what she had said earlier, she's not afraid to not have him anymore. Just because she loves Natsu, doesn't mean that Natsu should love her back. We can never force anyone to love someone back.

If Natsu couldn't really love her, it's fine. But she won't stop loving him. She will only stop if her heart started beating for someone else. But until that time comes, her heart will always be for him. And of course, for their baby.

She was standing in front of Natsu's office and was ready to knock when she heard him talked.

" _But mom! You shouldn't have forced Lucy to come here_!" She heard.

Maybe, she shouldn't have really come.

And she forgot, as long as she loves him, disappointment will course through her. Pain will knock in her heart, but as surprising as it may seem, the pain was not as hurtful as before. She probably already got the hang of it.

But pain will always be pain. No matter how small or big the pain is, pain will always hurt.

She shouldn't have come! But she is already there. She doesn't want her effort to be wasted.

" _Well, yeah. Maybe I should thank you for sending her here. But what if she met an accident? She almost died, remember?_ "

Her fisted hand that was about to knock froze. Her heart swelled in a feeling she doesn't know.

" _Bye Mom. Lucy will be here soon. I'm gonna meet her up on the parking lot. – Yeah. – Augh! Stop saying it like that! – Mom! – Bye. And again, thanks… Though you shouldn't have done that. I'm gonna call her anyways to invite her out for lunch... – So what? –_ Bye _._ "

She heard sounds of shoes tapping on the floor. It snapped her back to reality. Composing herself, despite of the fireworks in her chest that won't seem to stop any minute now, she raised a hand again to knock.

She should pretend that she doesn't hear anything. She should pretend that she didn't hear the fact that Natsu was worried when she was about to die. She should pretend that she didn't hear him say that he planned on inviting her out, though he had already said that a while ago.

Wait!

Should she go back, or run fast to the parking lot? She heard that Natsu will meet her to the lot. So, should she?

Pacing back and forth in front of the door, she halted when the door opened wide.

" _Natsu_? / Lucy?"

" _I was about to knock_. / I was about to go down."

"Is that so?" They asked in unison, making them go awkward towards each other.

Silly silence fluttered in the air for quite a long time, bothering them in the process – especially Natsu. He already had his share of embarrassment.

Seeing Lucy in her red winter dress, paired with black stockings and gray boots – darn it… It caused him to blush. The flower hair pin adorning her hair made her look so cute.

It only made him remember what his mom told him.

' _Lucy really looks beautiful_! _I bet you will fall in love more_!'

And yep, Porlyusica is right. Natsu should really thank her for sending Lucy to the office.

"You're…" Lucy looked up to him.

"Beautiful." Just when he said that, Lucy looked down.

"Th – thanks."

"Come inside." Natsu ushered her in and took the bag away from her.

He cleared his coffee table, which was full of random whatever gods call them, and once done, put the bag on it.

"Have a sit."

"Thanks."

Natsu was happy to hear her say a lot of thank you now, instead of sorry. He doesn't want her to feel like what she do was always wrong. But the problem at hand is his messy office.

He is lucky enough that the sanitary in-charge persons cleaned and wiped his room a while ago, before he went and messed it up again. At least, the table is clean.

Shooting a crumpled paper to the bin, he piled his papers to one side of his desk, before returning his eyes on Lucy. But what he saw put horror on his face.

Lucy was opening a crumpled sheet of paper and on that paper was the list of the names he wanted for their baby!

"Lucy, don't!" He grabbed the paper out of her hand and threw it straight to the bin.

"Sorry."

"Err, no… It was nothing. Don't be sorry." He stated shyly, rubbing his hand at the back of his head.

Sitting down the couch opposite to Lucy, he heaved out a sigh.

"That was a list." He started, not wanting to keep a secret from her that might give her wrong ideas.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to." Lucy assured him, but he is persistent on changing.

"It's okay. Uh, I was thinking of names actually and started writing them down. I was pretty excited I guess." Natsu shrugged, trying to act cool, but it is so hard.

Lucy, who was starting to unload her bag, chuckled softly.

Watching her smile and put a happy face on turns Natsu into a different man. He feels so weak he could die just by watching her. He doesn't know when his heart would stop beating erratically whenever she is around, neither does he know when his heart will beat normally whenever he misses her.

He is right when he thought she is going to be the death of him.

They started eating, with Natsu opening few topics for her. Lucy will respond with a nod and will eventually talk sometimes. But the hardest part for Natsu, which is also hard for Lucy, is when the air will become dead.

Lucy has to open few conversations at times too, or else, they would die of suffocation.

Each of them is beyond happy. They were never like that for the past two years. When was the last time they had a normal conversation? It was after Natsu courted Lisanna.

But that was long ago. It will take time for their past relationship to go back, but they both know there is nothing to rush.

Lucy is happy.

"Thank you!"

Natsu was surprised to what he heard and saw.

Lucy just smiled at him, a bright smile, a carefree smile, a smile that is real, and burdenless. It was a smile different to what she usually gives others. It was a smile that seems so light, like it came from her heart. He was never the one to say such things, but that is how he could describe the smile she gave him. It is so lovely.

He would love to have her smile like that always.

Lucy stood up and walked towards the door. He doesn't know how much time they had already passed, like he cares though. The time never seemed enough for him and for her.

"W- Why?"

"Because you seemed to actually enjoy the food I cooked! You've never been like that. I – "

Lucy turned around to look at Natsu, but what met her was his lips crushing on hers gently.

It was gentle and caring. She was so shocked to do a thing, but when she realized what he was doing, she couldn't help but to indulge herself on it. With the slightest of hesitation, but full of love she could express with a kiss, she kissed him back lightly.

Natsu, who seemed to have gotten shocked that Lucy responded, broke the kiss.

When she smiled while looking down, Natsu cupped her chin and kissed her again, letting her feel how much he actually needs her by his side.

"And you were saying?" He asked when he broke the kiss once again.

He was looking deeply in her eyes, searching the love he will always find in it when she's looking at him. When he found it, he doesn't know if he could be any better.

"I was saying how happy I am to see you here, smile and treat me nicely. I'm very happy. You've never smile like that when we're eating together before. It really makes me glad."

With another kiss, he realized how much time he had wasted. And now that he knows what he needs, there's no way he will waste time not making the best out of every second that Lucy is with him.

Lucy is his life.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. The second half here.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Chapter 15**

Lucy doesn't know that hand crochet is way too hard! And to think that she's only going to make _small mittens_ for her unborn baby, she doubts if she will make it before she even give birth!

Deciding to feed her hungry baby, Lucy strived to jump off her bed. Strings of various sizes and thickness were scattered on her tidy red mattress, in which you won't see the end of every string even if you try finding it. Buttons of different colors and designs spread on her bed down to the tiles of her floor, adorning her floor in a not so good way.

Lucy has to tiptoe to reach the door, which will lead her out of her messy sanctuary.

Once she stepped out of her room and closed the door, another door shut close. Looking in front of her, there stands Natsu in his white baggy pants and black sando.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" Natsu asked first.

"I can't sleep." She mumbled.

"Want a cup of tea, then?" Natsu asked when he was finally standing next to her.

"Sure."

They walked down the stairs, with Natsu occasionally yawning.

"Why are you not sleeping?" Lucy asked with her eyes fixed on the stairs.

"Can't sleep, but I'm really sleepy. And you?" Natsu mumbled tiredly, to which Lucy sympathize.

Lucy watched Natsu jump from the second step of the stairs before answering.

"I can't sleep, so I decided to stitch. But now, I'm hungry." Lucy answered.

When they were in the kitchen, Lucy told Natsu to sit down. She opened a jar of tea and prepared two cups.

While she's was waiting for the cup to be filled with hot water, she heard another yawn again. That's her cue to talk to him. She wanted to say something to him that time, only she was holding back. She couldn't think of a topic to open and she's afraid that she might open a very boring topic, which would result to Natsu getting sleepier.

But that would help him, wouldn't it? If she happens to open a very boring and deadly conversation, Natsu will get sleepier and he would finally get the sleep he wanted.

It's a very brilliant idea, right? But what should she say?

"I hope you're not thinking about some guy." Lucy jolted to the side, with her hands on her chest.

She didn't notice Natsu's appearance beside her.

"Of course not! I was just thinking about – "She practically lied, right?

She was thinking of him and he is a guy. This caused her to blush. She couldn't possibly tell him that she was thinking about him seconds ago, right? That would be embarrassing, but what if she told him that? She wonders what his reaction would be.

"You're thinking about?" Natsu asked with his head leaning on hers, before taking a sip on his cup of tea. This just caused her blush to intensify.

She thought she wanted to earn Natsu's sweet affections and everything, but – Oh wait. Scratch that. She really wanted that, but she is still not used to Natsu invading her personal space.

Natsu sticking so close to her shouldn't get Lucy all fidgety since he had already made her pregnant, yet she couldn't understand herself. She really wanted the attention he is showering her. The only thing that she minds is the alien feeling when he does those kinds of things.

It was like she was getting back on her teens where her idol just waved at her. It was a fleeting feeling, immense feeling, that she feels like she is going to have a mental breakdown. It's warm inside her chest. It burns when he smiles. Even her face and skin burns too whenever he would touch them. Her heart pounds wildly when he calls her. And when he will tell her that he misses her, there's nothing she could do but smile.

Everything he does make her feel intense. Everything he does make her feel a heart aching warmness, but the ache? It feels so damn good.

Natsu snapped his fingers, making Lucy snap out.

"You're spacing out."

"Oh, sorry about that." Lucy took a sip of her tea.

"What makes you so occupied?"

There her blush creeps again.

"Y – you."

It's now Natsu's turn to turn red.

To know that the person who occupies his mind was also thinking about him made him glow.

"M- me?"

"Yeah. You were asking who I am thinking about. It was, you." Lucy said, avoiding eye contact.

"That was…" Natsu began scratching the back of his head.

"Very nice to hear." He continued, causing Lucy to have a difficult time stifling a smile.

"I thought you would find it, rather creepy." Lucy said with a small, awkward laugh.

"No, I don't mind, really." By that time, Natsu has already finished his tea.

Lucy finished her tea afterwards. That's when her stomach starts to grumble.

"Is that you?" Natsu asked her with a teasing grin on his face.

"Of course not! My stomach doesn't make that sound when I'm hungry."

Natsu's teasing grin disappeared. He eyed his wife, whose hands were folded in a lady like manner on her chest while looking at the opposite direction, pouting.

Slowly, he is getting used to her high pitched voice. There were times when she will raise her voice, but he knows now when she really sounds mad.

With Lucy in front of him, pouting like a teased kid, he knows she wasn't mad – or at least, that's what he hopes.

Natsu sat on one of the stools beside her. He leaned his elbow on the bar and propped his chin at the back of his hand. He started staring at Lucy, annoying Lucy more.

There will still be times when Lucy will get irritated with his face, or with his just mere presence. But like before, she will still long to see his face everytime no matter how irritating she finds Natsu's face is.

"It's not me. It's our baby." Lucy said, muffling her voice with her hands.

Natsu spun her seat around to make her face him. After that, Natsu leaned in and put his arms on top of her shoulders. His hands were hanging horizontally behind Lucy.

Lucy finds Natsu too close. It made her remember that time in his office when he kissed her suddenly. She doesn't know the reason behind it, but that kiss? It felt like Natsu had really meant it. It wasn't for fun, for jokes, teasing, a play nor an act. Lucy felt something special with that one office kiss.

Natsu planted a kiss on her chin, making Lucy feel down. Though she won't admit it if you'll ask her.

Her mind was occupied with the word kiss and everything that happened with a kiss in it.

After knowing that it was Natsu who took her first, she regretted drinking too much. She's not a pervert and not a fan of watching two people fornicating, but she wished Natsu's room had a CCTV. She wanted to remember her first night with the one she loves, but too bad. She can't remember a thing. And it would be embarrassing to ask Natsu about what happened on that night. Well, it's not like she will ask it anyway. She just wanted to have a memory of it.

It was supposed to be special, but like what she said, they weren't your normal couple.

And the second time, is there anything special in it? She remembers herself saying sorry to him a lot of times. And she also remembers Natsu cutting her apology by sealing her lips with a kiss. It was sweet. Lucy doesn't have any idea how on Earth did she manage to remember how Natsu kissed her that time, but maybe, when you experience a first time in your life, it will remain in your memory.

She also remembers when Natsu asked her why she is apologizing too much that time. And when she told him the reason, it seemed to surprise him. He told her that he was the one sorry for not taking good care of her and for treating her roughly, ' _not only in bed but all the time'_ – as to what he said.

His sweet and countable kisses, how can Lucy forget them all?

Because Lucy doesn't have the ability to read someone's mind, she doesn't know how badly Natsu wants to give her countless kisses. Surprising Lucy, he kissed her again, this time, in the lips.

It was a short, chaste, kiss, followed by another one. He was giving her sweet, countless pecks, causing Lucy to blush madly inside his arms. To when his arms caged her, no one knows.

She never liked being caged. She was forced in a cage before. But being held captive in Natsu's arms, his arms are the best form of cage ever.

"Natsu – "She was shut off with a kiss.

"Yeah?" He asked before kissing her again, not leaving a room for Lucy to reply.

When Natsu parted and was about to lean again for another short kiss, Lucy shielded her lips with her hands.

"You're overdoing it. What are you up to?" Lucy asked shyly.

"Catching up for all the times that I should have kissed you like this." Natsu said in a deep and low voice – almost like a whisper. Writers would have described his voice as _husky_ though.

"I'll stop if you don't like."

She didn't answer, just staring down his obsidian orbs that were twinkling at the darkest of the room. When she felt that Natsu was about to release her from his embrace, she tugged on his shirt. She doesn't even know when her hands flew to his chest.

"I don't, mind." She said shyly, making her wish someone can dig a hole for her.

Once she said that, Natsu gave her one long kiss before breaking it up.

"You said you were hungry." – Natsu.

"Our baby, not me." Natsu just giggled.

"Okay. So, you want something? I can cook, you know."

"You can cook food?"

"Well, yah."

Lucy gave him a challenging look. It's true that he can cook. He can cook pancakes.

"Okay. Cook some pancakes then."

Lucy released herself out of his hug and stands.

"Come on Lucy… Give your Natsu some credits! For all you know, I can cook something delicious. Just wait for my super, duper, ultra, mega, delicious pancakes." Natsu whined.

"Okay. Fine." Lucy said tiredly; but deep inside, her inner self is on the verge of dying rolling on the floor laughing.

"Come on. You can give your hubby better than that."

Lucy blushed, drawing out a smirk on Natsu. He was teasing her! Oh, his endless teases. She learned it from Natsu too that she called him hubby when she was drunk.

"Okay. _I_ can't wait for your pancakes. Please cook _me_ some, now." Lucy said, full of energy.

Natsu pulled out the pan before looking at her, smiling.

"So, you really were the hungry one, huh?" He smiled cheekily.

"I, I'm not!" Lucy yelled.

Behind Natsu, Lucy's face was already blowing off steams – Steams of embarrassment.

 **X – X – X**

After that messy, kitchen adventure, they decided to get their sleep. Lucy hoped Virgo wouldn't have a hard time cleaning up their jungle – like kitchen.

They already made it in front of Lucy's room door.

After everything that had transpired, they were still consuming different rooms.

"Good night Natsu."

"Good night."

Lucy opened her door wide. Maybe it was a mistake opening her door wide, cause when she did, Natsu saw how messy her room was.

The first and second time Natsu visited Lucy's room, it's was so clean – as if no one lives there. But now, it was different. Natsu couldn't even tell if that was really her room or they might have opened the wrong door.

There were lots of strings scattered around her bed and down the floor. He almost fell when he walked over a roll of yarn. It almost happened again when he walked over a round button the next second.

"It's hard to make baby mittens." Lucy said behind him.

"You're making a pair?"

"Yes."

So that was what she was doing. Natsu has to thank that idea because that gave him an excuse for something he was itching to ask her.

"I think I know why you can't sleep." Natsu said looking at her.

"Why?"

"You can't possibly sleep with all these mess in your bed." Natsu pointed out.

"Your room wasn't that clean either." Lucy shot back, not meaning to offend Natsu in any way.

"Well, yeah. But it is cleaner than yours." Natsu replied.

Lucy sighed and yawned. Looking at her wall clock adjacent to her bed, it says fifteen minutes before another day will start. The night was really deep.

Natsu followed her every movement and sat beside her on the bed. Lucy started picking the yarns and buttons and placed them on the basket.

Natsu wanted Lucy to sleep beside him. They were couples and he surely knows that Lucy wanted to have a perfect picture of a family. Heck, that is every girl's dream. Even his real mom told him before that she had always dreamt of a family similar to what their family was.

They are married couples, but they don't act like one. It's his fault, but there's nothing wrong in trying to straighten up his mistakes, right? Though it wasn't all about clearing and making up for all his sins.

He wants to grant her silent wish. He wants to give her a family she never had. He wants to complete every missing part of her in every way possible. He wants to make her happy and smile everyday. He wants to hear her say what his mom told him when she was still alive.

He wants to hear her say how lucky she is to have him and their child as a family.

Grabbing her right hand, she pulled her in his chest.

"You are way too sleepy to clean up your room, right?"

"Y, yes." Lucy answered sleepily. Natsu cupped her chin and made her look at him.

"You're tired."

"Mmm."

"You can sleep with me in my room." Natsu suggested enthusiastically.

Lucy's eyes widen in return, as if she wasn't sleepy a while ago. This alarmed Natsu, of course.

"I won't do something bad. Just sleep. Beside each other. That's what I meant."

It took Natsu time to convince her that she can really sleep in his room and that he wouldn't, like ever, find it a bother.

She even told him that she snores, which was a lie. She doesn't snore.

After some time, they were already lying next to each other, shifting from side to side. Both of them weren't used to having each other lie next to them, in bed.

"I can sleep on the floor." Natsu heard Lucy. He was on the same position as Lucy – lying on his side facing the wall.

"It's cold. Winter. The comforters are ripped. There are no more pillows. The floor is dirty." Natsu said continuously.

"In short, I won't allow you." He said seriously.

And yes, he would come up with every lame excuses possible just not to have her sleep on the floor – sleep far from him.

It's a good thing that he asked Lyra to change the mattress even though it was just changed and that he put his worn clothes that were once sitting messily on the couch in the basket.

After some time of complete silence, Lucy called her out.

"Yeah?" He answered in a low, soft voice.

"Thank you."

Natsu smiled to himself.

"It's nothing."

He reached a hand over the table beside the bed and opened the drawer. From there, he pulled out a rectangular box. He put it down beside him and stared at it for a while, smiling to himself.

Rolling to face her back, he extended an arm on top of her head and draped the other one on her waist, surprising Lucy. When Lucy raised her head to check what he was doing, he instinctively lowered his arm down. Her head fell on his arms after that.

The hand that was draping over her waist crept down and traced her arm, finding her small hands. Her back was pressed on his chest. He can feel her heart beating in sync with his heart. They must be both nervous.

"N – Natsu…"

Nuzzling her hair, his thumb started drawing circles on her hand while his other hand is brushing the strands of her bangs.

He dipped his head down the juncture of her neck, placing feathery kisses on it, tickling Lucy in the process.

"I won't do anything you don't like, I promise." He reassured her.

Taking his hand; the one that was drawing circles on her hand; back, he took the neglected box behind him.

His hand that was brushing her bangs reached down her one hand and opened her palm. Natsu could sense confusion on Lucy.

Draping his arm around her, he gave her the box with the size of a frame.

He heard her gasp.

"Na – Natsu… Where did you – "Lucy couldn't finish what she was saying. Before she knows it, she was already crying and Natsu was hushing her to calm down behind her.

"Sssh. Don't cry. It's important to you, right? It's only right for me to get it back for you."

"But… They were, all gone."

Lucy stared in disbelief at what Natsu gave her.

"They were not."

Lucy lie on her back and stared at her golden keys that she missed so much. She couldn't stop her tears. She tried wiping them away, but they just all keep coming. They were the keys her mother gave her before she died. They were the keys she treasured so much.

They were the keys that she has to sell to help Lisanna. They were her keys, her lost keys- still shining after all those years that they have been far from each other. Every intricate detail was still there, etched in every key.

She brushed a finger on the box and then looked at Natsu.

"Where did you get this?" She asked.

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" Natsu brushed a tear away.

"It must have cost you so much to get them back."

"It doesn't matter, really. If it's important to you, then it is important to me, too."

Like a child, she lunged herself forward the nearest chest she could cry on. She is thankful, so thankful that the word itself wouldn't suffice nor would it do justice on how she truly feels. Finding her keys must have really cost Natsu too much effort and money.

She doesn't know if she could repay him back. Indeed, he promised her that he will do everything to make up for what he did, but she didn't expect him to go through such lengths as to find something she intentionally lost for a purpose.

What should she do to make it up to him? For his effort? For his time?

She couldn't think of anything. But more than that, Natsu deserve to receive something.

"Thank you. Thank you Natsu. It really means much to me."

The word thank you wasn't something so special, but it is the only thing she could offer that time.

"It's nothing. If it will make you happy, then I'm happy too. Maybe, much more happier than you." Natsu said, rubbing her back.

For Natsu, if his simple effort, if his time can make Lucy happy, then he couldn't possibly ask for more.

"I love you, so I'll do the things that will make you happy. I love you Lucy."

He saw a glint of surprise in her eyes, followed by her head shaking from left to right.

"You don't have to say that if – "

Natsu sat on the bed, making Lucy sit too.

"I love you. I don't love Lisanna or anybody else. You can't tell me not to love you because no matter how many times you will say that, I will keep on loving you."

And it's the same for Lucy. No matter how his actions before told her not to love him anymore, she knows it is impossible. How many times did she remind herself to give up? How many times did she cry? How many times did she get hurt? It was countless, and yet, she couldn't stop her feelings.

She loves him so much.

But she couldn't guarantee his feelings were true.

"You're only saying that because of the child. It's the responsibility, Natsu. You just feel obliged. Come on…" Lucy shed some more tears.

She couldn't take a risk. She heard him say the words she was longing to hear from him. But what if one day, he just realized that he really doesn't love her? How much will it hurt? How deep should she dig to make a pool of tears?

It will surely hurt more than the previous pain she had just felt. It will hurt more because he is going to make her believe that his feelings are true.

"…Natsu. I love you, but you don't have to force yourself on loving me. I don't need it."

She needs his love, but she doesn't need the pain that will come afterwards.

"Come on, Lucy. Don't say that. I love you."

Natsu was scared. When she told him that she doesn't need it, he wasn't sure what she is pointing at. She doesn't need what? The love he took time to realize?

It can't be? Right?

"But Lucy, I really love you. If it is not love, then I don't know what it is. I know I have been so bad, done so worse, but in this thing, I can't lie."

He is so damn scared that she might turn her back on him.

A while ago, he can't feel the coldness of the air, but when Lucy walked out the door, he shivered.

Rejection?

He loves her.

And she told him that she loves him too.

So why?

Why did she walk out the door?

 **X – X – X**

Back to square one. The good relationship they had founded over a month all gone. The hugs, the kisses, the smiles, the heartwarming ache – all gone.

The warm feeling turned into ice. What's the reason behind all that?

And why was Lucy on her yukata again and left alone near a cliff? Where is everyone?

Where is Erza, Juvia, Aries, Levy and the others who told her that they would all have a good time?

It's cold.

The cold reminds her of that night.

And that night…

It hurts.

She is so afraid. She's a wimp.

And as the snow falls from the sky, she felt how isolated she was. She is all alone in the middle of God knows where, where the snow is decorating everything, freezing everything.

Why does she have to feel Natsu's warmth before, if it will just be taken away?

She knew it. Happiness wasn't just really for her.

Happiness? Maybe she should remove that from her mental vocabulary.

Warmth? Come on. That doesn't –

A tear escaped her left eye.

– Exists.

Covering her face with both her hands, she cried again.

It is so cold.

There is no one.

There is nothing for her.

Her life is so cold.

Thanks coldness for not leaving her. But Lucy deserves better than that.

Hugging her from behind, Natsu made sure that he will not let her walk out again crying. It hurts so much to see her cry. It hurts so much when she is not near. It hurts so much he could die.

He can feel Lucy struggling to escape.

"Stop it!"

"Let go!" Lucy yelled.

"No."

Lucy stopped. There's no use anyway. It's fucking hopeless.

"No, I won't let you go. Let's stop the drama. I'm so done." Natsu said.

There was his warmth again, warming her, then later on, will leave her. She's so done, too.

"Okay. I'm going to let go now, but promise not to run."

She didn't answer. He didn't wait for Lucy to answer. He let go and Lucy was right. He will leave her right away.

Turning around, what she saw made her open her eyes wide, her mouth hang down.

"What are you doing?" She said, covering her mouth with a hand.

"Kneeling?"

"Why are you kneeling? Stand."

"No."

Natsu grabbed her hand and looked intently in her eyes. Lucy felt like her hand was burning. Even her cheeks were hot. All the frozen feelings inside of her melted at once.

Why?

"Will you marry me?"

And the melted feelings froze once again due to shock.

"Natsu – "

"I love you. Sure, I married you first for business. But as days pass by, as weeks turn to months, as it becomes year, some things change. My feelings have changed. I love you, it's true. And if you're going to say that it's only because of responsibility, you're wrong. I'm the one who can feel it, so I'm sure of what I feel. So don't go saying that I just feel obliged."

"I don't know when it started… Uh… You know…" Natsu bowed down a bit, murmuring something to himself.

"Natsu?"

"Augh. Sorry, I forgot my line. Can I just say what I feel? I memorized some pretty good speech for this."

Natsu felt embarrassed. Of all the times to forget something really important, why now?

"You never change. Go on." Lucy said, but in all seriousness, she's the one to talk. She's the hard headed one.

There she was a while ago, cursing Natsu. And now, there was Natsu making her soft again.

Second chance? It was ruined.

And now, she is giving him a third chance. What did he do to have someone like her stick to someone like him? And what did he do to have Lucy walk away from him?

What did he do to make things so complicated? He has to find answers to them, but maybe, next time. Because the person in front of him is much important than his mistakes.

"I really don't know when I started feeling like this. You're beautiful. When you went to the pool in your gown to get me, you're beautiful. Everyone was staring at you. It ticked me off. And when that girl asked me who you are, I told her, no, everyone that you are my wife. You are my wife. But then, it was only in paper. I want it to be real."

A particular event played in Lucy's mind. The time when Lucy was wearing a silver gown and Natsu was missing. Yes, that was it. It was when she realized for the umpteenth time that Natsu is a really gorgeous creature. She feels so happy to hear him say that.

"When you were talking with Loke, I was beyond pissed. You were laughing with him, smiling and so happy with him. Before I knew it, I wished it could have been me making you so happy. I didn't mean to say that you are a flirt. I just wanted you to stay away from him, but I said something so awful. I'm sorry, but believe me. I love you. I love you, that's why I'll ask again."

Letting go of her hand, he took a small velvet box out of her jacket.

"Will you marry me?"

She saw honesty in his eyes. She felt honesty in his words. How can she say no?

Seriously, she didn't expect that she will experience getting a proposal. Not a business-marriage proposal.

"Will you marry me, for the second time, for real?"

It's a real marriage proposal. Not because they were forced to, but because they have feelings for one another.

Maybe, her fault is she is afraid to take risks. She has always been afraid of the pain. But seeing the rainbow beyond the dark and starless sky, it gave her strength.

Two years of pain had passed, and after every rain comes a rainbow, isn't that right?

How will she see that rainbow, when she is so afraid to step out of the cave?

Why would she be afraid of reaching her hand out to another hand extended for her?

"You won't leave me, right?" She asked, still crying yet smiling.

"I won't." He assured her.

To see that rainbow, she will reach out a hand and place it atop of the waiting male's hand.

For once, she feels so brave.

No one can stop her. And who knows, maybe extending her hand out is the best decision she will ever do.

Lifting her left hand, Natsu grabbed it gently.

"There's no turning back, Lucy. Will you really marry someone like me?" Natsu reassured.

"You said you won't leave me, right? You said you love me, don't you?"

His heart swelled in joy. He felt like crying. The woman she loves just accepted him to be his husband. After being so mean, he was given a third chance.

"Yes, Natsu. I'll marry you."

Putting the ring on her left, he squeezed her hand tighter and stood.

"I love you. I will make you not regret this."

Before Lucy could reply, Natsu had already kissed her.

"Please don't walk away on me again, okay?" Natsu begged her, to which Lucy nodded.

"I love you. I'm so happy."

There's no way Lucy will ever turn her back on him again.

And there's no way Natsu will let her walk away crying again.

 **X – X – X**

"Natsu Dragneel. Do you take this woman as your lawful wife, in sickness and in health, in richer or for poorer, till death do you part?"

There's no need to think over it.

"I do."

"Lucy Heartfilia. Do you take this man as your lawful husband, in sickness and in health, in richer or for poorer, till death do you part?"

Natsu looked at the blonde woman who gave birth to their five months old baby boy. She looks much more beautiful than their first wedding. Maybe, it is because of her smile. Or it could probably be because he loves her so much that in his eyes, she's the only woman beautiful.

"I do."

And that I do, it remained forever.

That I do was the proof that forever does exist.

That a rainbow always follows the rain.

 **Hi. Im so sorry for posting it for the second time and deleting it for the second time. Well, it wont happen for the third time. Im so sorry for any errors, Im too lazy. Im so sorry my dear readers (if I have any) for making you wait for this. Im truly sorry. Truth is, I deleted this story for the second time for a reason.**

 **Anyways, thanks. Peace on Earth. The second half here.**

 **THEN AGAIN, it's done for real! I just cant turn a blind eye on the pm's here and outside , srsly guys. Hahahha. But thanks for remembering this story. I love you.. And haters of the story, thank you for reading till the end. You should have just stopped midway if you don't like it, shldnt you? Anyways, super mega nega criticisms will be allowed in the comments, but I wont care anymore.** **You've been warned from the very start what this story might contain. So enough talking.**

 **TO the lovers of the story who keeps flooding my inbox, here you go guys. I love you.**

 **Tcare.**

 **-Aia**


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